by KokopelliRises
It was very long and spent more time talking about her bordeom and a trip to the mall than actual sex. When it finally gets to anything interesting, the story ends before it really goes anywhere. Honestly, take him back to your room or the shower, it's college! Definetly would not reccomend it.
Don't know what pixie sticks are, but they must be good for the heart. Such innocence, such charm. So different to the usual wham and bam, and far truer to real life. Keep on munching.
I am here to give you honest opinion. There was interesting body to the story, but not much skeleton or muscle. Don't be afraid to grab real feelings and sensations. Throw them into your story. Tell it as though you were experiencing it at that very moment.
The events leading up to it seemed to over power the story. Don't let that happen. Keep that part short and sweet, unless the tension starts there and progresses on through to the climactic scene.
And the sexual part of the story was definitely a tease. Needed more feelings and reactions, touches and teases, licks and moans. My advice about this part: before you post, read it over a few times. If you feel the least bit of doubt, then it is not time to publish your story. Trust me, I have learned that lesson the hard way.
Hopefully I'll see more works from you!
straight to the point, I like it. And I will never look at pixie stick the same again.
Er...???....okay? That was 5 minutes of my life i will never get back. Try harder next time..or maybe not at all. I will give it this tho..Sweet, simple but doesn't belong in literotica..try Disney!