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could have been a lot better
Promising story, should have spent more time at the writer's desk...it seems you were going for a faster tempo to the story, but much like premature ejaculation, it just wasn't as fullfilling. The screwing needed to have just a bit more description added, and the tempo slowed just a bit. It comes off too fast and seems more like a catalogue of what happened, rather than what happened. Just some friendly advice for your next story...It was good, but could have been better.
Good but...
When it's mom's idea and daughter goes along willingly, how is is NC/R
Whores come, whores go, seldom do moms give on the
job instructions to their daughters. Exactly what did "have to take car of things for herself" mean? She is driving herself around? She is a car? She had to take care of herself? You need a proofreader to eliminate these sorts of things.
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