The Preacher Man

Stunned

After having read kinetic, I didn't think your writing could get any better. Thanks for proving me wrong, this story was incredibly well written, and while it may not have gotten me off, it did me one better, It stimulated my mind.

Epic

This story is so incredible. After ten minutes of reading it, I could tell that it would be better than Kinetic or even your Tesseract trilogy. The sheer scope and complexity of the civiliztion you designed is breathtaking. I was fascinated at the political, traditional, and theological complexities of the society you wrote about. I found myself late out the door to work for several days, just because I got lost in the tale. A true sign of great work. I can't wait to read the sequel...

Amazing! Great novel!!!

I fell in love with all the wives especially Abby! :) Your writing is magnificent!
One of the top stories on Literotica!!!

As another reader has said: Epic

With all due respect to Literotica, this story belongs on a best seller list in the book stores of the world, and not only on an online story website!

Inspirational to the highest degree

An incredible story. I believe entirely that it could be a best seller, if published.

Jaw-dropping good read!

Amazing, simply amazing!

Wonderful!

This story is amazing!
I wish there could be a film made.
You are an incredible writer, I hope to read more of your work in the future.

Love this

It is such and amazing story. It made me cry and lol at some moments. The whole thing really touched my heart and the main character, Ilias, is so cool. If that guy was real... I'm surprised that this isn't a published book, its so well writen. kudos to you

great writing, but still room to improve

after reading some of your other writing i was looking forward to this story. on the whole it was well written, and had an engrossing theme, but i'd just like to point out you need to keep an eye on your tenses at times - sometimes you would switch tenses mid-sentence!

i understand the sort of narration you're trying to achieve, but perhaps it would read much better if you were to include a present perfect/present perfect continuous tense 'explanation' of current events as a sort of separate section at the start of chapters, then continue the story in the usual past tenses. otherwise, reading your stories can sometimes be quite a frictious experience! ;)

First off good job a little critisism though

though thoroughly enjoying your engrossing novel, for that is what this really is, i see a pattern emerging in your writing style. all too often you just stick with the story that you had at the beginning! basically there are no plot twists or character developments. i really enjoy your pros but come on give the story a little life please! other then your ineffective use of plot development i thought this was a great effort by you but i expect greater from such a talented writer such as yourself. keep on trying and hopefully i will be reading a real novel by you and enjoying it as thoroughly as this read had occupied me.

Incredible

This novel ranks among the best I have read in the science fiction genre. The world that you create is unbelievably vast in its scope; and the characters are exceptionally expressive and believable.
I sincerely believe that you would find this novel on all the bestseller lists, soon after you publish it...if you ever choose to do so.

should be published or made into a film

Congratulations on writing a truly interesting and unique work of science fiction. This was a very engaging story that I had a hard time putting down (I don't agree with the commenter who claimed that there was a lack of interesting plot development). I really encourage you to look into getting it published, or possibly writing a screenplay version. I have no doubt that it could become a very popular work if it were to reach a wider audience.

Brilliant

Great feel good story, really pepped up my mood.

Amazing!

This was an excellent story. When will it be published? Good luck!!

Wow

I've been a lover of good Sci-Fi all my life. This story, with or without the sex parts, has to rank high on the all-time "Wow" list. The incredible complexity of the society in the story is truly amazing, yet the story manages to "keep it all together" very well. This is truly a genuinely fine work of literary fiction.

Excellent, well worth the effort

Not your usual Literotica fare but well worth reading. Quick wank fodder this is certainly not. It may well be an hours reading before you get to the first of the many beautical, sensual & very sexy bits but these are not what this story is about. It is a professional quality full length scifi novel (46 pages) about a well thought out future dystopia.
It does have many horny sex scenes scattered throughtout the gripping plot but the dystopian civilisation is the primary plot. You will need to put in a proper bit of reading effort but the effort is highly recommended as it it is WELL worth it.

Woah.

This may be one of the greatest stories I have ever read.
'Erotic Literature' or not.

You should totally expand on it a bit more and publish this one day.

I would totally buy a copy.

finally

wow that was one long story.
I really loved the first part and was thinking 'this should be a book' but about half way it started to get a bit too long and complicated
Anyway i kept on reading, there were up and down parts.
overall:
great story line
Great caracter building
Very inventive
Just didnt like the last part very much
I think it would be worth 9 out of 10
Keep up the great writing and good luck ;)

never saw anything better

i previously thought that the 'Conflicted' series was the best that i had ever read, but this has to be rated above that...........miles above......

Awesome

I think it might have been mentioned once or twice before... but your story is really, really good. ;-)
The only criticism that I can think of, is that your protagonist Ilias is a bit *too* perfect. He never seems to get angry, doesn't have a mean bone in his body, is totally selfless, and has independently evolved a system of morality that would be the envy of every sensitive New Age guy.
Sometimes I just like a bit more ambivalence in my heroes.
Still, I'd be totally prepared to hurt a bunch of fluffy kittens if I got your writing talent in exchange...........

Brilliant

Immensely riveting story with an amazingly complex structure that you managed to pull off superbly. Easily worthy of publishing, Thankyou.

Great Story

this story is the best one i have read by far

Wow!

I'm sure you've heard this before, but just to add it one more time--this was incredible. I read it in less than 24 hours, and could barely put it down the whole time. Most definitely could be published!

A splendid achievement

Made effective as a story by the humanity of the characterisation as much as the ingenuity of the plot.

Get a publisher for your next book.

Better than a lot of the published SF i have read. Well-written, sympathetic cross between Dune and The Handmaid's Tale. Would need some work to be a publishable novel, but still miles beyond anything i expected to read on this site. Good job!

Fantastic

I started reading this yesterday afternoon and couldn't stop. The hybridization of the religion was well thought out.

author, author!

Well done. Is there an online version of the Nebula or Hugo? No matter.

If Literotica had a tip jar system I'd tip you a couple of bucks for this. So would a few others - pretty decent beer money anyhow.

Wait wait wait!

You spent forty-fucking-six pages on your very own *Ender's Game*, you create a whole new universe, populate it with believable characters and an fascinating story, and you put it on fucking *literotica*?

Your main character has SIX wives who are, as you like to put it, super horny for him and despite 46 pages of story the sex is seldom longer than four paragraphs and has not one fucking group sex scene?

And you end up gluing people to their screens despite that, with your superb writing? You've got balls man. Kudos to you.

Accuracy of SyFy

Mr. Hammingbyrd7,

Great story - most of the congrats and criticism already commented is agreeable to me - one question - is there any scientific basis to much of the technology described? For example, page 22 you have described nuclear fusion between Hydrogen with Boron-11 isotope. How true is this - is there any way you can forward a hypothesis without the actual proof?

Arthur C. Clarke had a hard time convincing his publishers when he and Stanley Kubrick were trying to publish "2001: A Space Odyssey". The publishers and editors kept asking him/them for some hypothesis for the fantastic supposition of aliens having trained humanity in early part of or evolution. The way one human managed to reach the aliens and the how of it. He/they had to continually point out to his editors and publishers that the only experts in this field were the author(s) of the book. In the preface of the book Arthur C. Clarke even called Stanley Kubrick a latent mathematical genius.

Anyway if that is true of you, I wish many people like me happy reading and good luck to you - keep your muse and share these fantastic ideas with the world.

Thanks for a great story.

Sincerely,
RK.

Amazing novel.

Please, please publish this. I spend money every week on Amazon for SF/Fantasy novels that are no where near as tight and well conceived as this one. Promise all of us who spent our time (me nearly 9 hours) reading your sensational writing. Promise to publish, start looking for publishers as I am sure they already plan to start looking for you!! Congratulations.

Why the hell is this on Literotica?

A really great story, and an absolutely fantastic read. The one criticism I have is that the sex in this story seems to be rather shoehorned in - I think it would have been much better if there was not the expectation for it to be a erotic story from the beginning.

Surprising, but amazing.

I went into this thinking I would find a hot sex story. Instead I found one of the most creative and interesting sci-fi stories I've ever read. I strongly urge you to find a publisher if you already haven't because this story is easily in the top ten sci-fi books I've ever read. Thanks for the great read.

Better then Enders Game

I can't believe this is not published already - deserves national recognition...

Amazing!

I loved it! I stayed up very late two nights in a row to finish it -- I couldn't put it down -- and I highly value my sleep.

I read a lot of sci-fi and this compares with some of the best. When are you publishing it? I want a hard copy so I can reread at my leisure.

Have you written anything else that's published? I want to read it/them too.

allusive1@live.com

This should be published in true book form. One of the better books I've ever read

One of the better books I've ever read, and I've read thousands. I read straight through barely stopping to eat. By far a gem among a multitude of mediocre efforts. PLEASE get this published. It is beautiful.

Please do an "R" version!

This is a great work, and should be widely read. I agree with the other commenters that you should find a publisher, and soon. The sex scenes do seem gratuitous, however -- I realize that the relationships between Ilias and his wives are crucial, but the amount detail is not necessary to the story, and is in fact distracting. I was annoyed that I could not read the story as a story, because it was so often interrupted by erotic passages; but I was also annoyed that I had to scroll/click/skip along if I wanted to get off. Minimize the sex and you'll get the readership you deserve.

This is amazing!

Please, I beg you, find a publisher. Extend your novella into a novel, expand on some parts, and basically fill in for the sex scenes, because this is the first book since the LOTRO Trilogy where I actually stayed up to finish it, and that's saying a lot!

Amazing!

If you removed the sex scenes, you'd have an absolutely amazing novella on your hands. Go find a publisher!

I would like to leave a few comments, some positive, some critical, that hopefully would be useful to the writer.

This is a large piece of text with obviously large amount of work put into it. One can see from the very beginning that it's written by an intelligent person with broad imagination. It captures attention of the reader very well. The intrigue - what's going to happen next - is well maintained throghout the text - which is a vital quality of successful popular literature. I am not very familiar with the publishing business, but I guess that it would have a fair chance of success if published.

In my view, the largest shortcoming of the text is its inconsistent quality. The framework of this imaginary world is very well thought out - the social order, the virginity drugs, the advancement in the social ladder, the culling system, the religious practices - this is written very well. On the other hand, some pieces of the text on relationships, political advancement after the lion ride, sex scenes, description of environments feel as if they were written very casually, just from the top of the mind. For example, very frequently the wives of Illias are described: "She was so nice!", "She was so brilliant!", "She was so beautiful" and so on, but their personality traits are not developed.

The second serious shortcoming is consistent abuse of probabilities. Many events that happen in the text are not impossible, but very unlikely. The first wife, which he meets by chance, turns out to be a brilliant historian. The second one, met by chance, turns out to be an exceptional engineer. The third one, chosen as a mathematician, turns out to be a genius in physics. Illias a number of times just just escapes certain death. With very little experience he easily outsmarts political opponents, who have hundreds of years of political experience behind them. He escapes the organized bears that never were organized before, just because he finds sufficient ammunition and friends to assist him. And so on. After a while it does not feel believable anymore, it just feels like wishfull thinking.

Well, it is unfair for me to criticise a text that is way better than most of the writing here, so I should stop here. To the author : if you are planning to rework this text and would like to get some more feedback from me, you can write to me at sexpromile@gmail.com . In any case, thanks for fun I had reading, and I wish you a lot of fun in your writing.

just my two cents...

Couldn't stop reading, it's absolutely a capturing story. Couldn't put it down and was sorry to see it come to an end.

No idea if you ever tried to get it published, but sure would love to read it again then.

Thanks for many hours of enjoying reading this!

Thank You

Great Story - after "My Party" it's the second story of yours I read. Absolutely loved it. Now going to read the sequel - Really looking forward to it. Have u published any books yet . Would definetly buy them - if I knew where to get them.

imagination at its best

find a publisher for this book and write more you really have a great gift

Feminist?

The story was great, then it started to take a heavy feminazi undertone. Men= evil overlords. Women = naturally genius scientists and mathematicians. Evil overlords (men) willingly enslave their mothers and sisters as sex slaves. Meanwhile scientific advances halt (because men are bad at science) and religious 'Dark Age' is endured until a white knight swoops in to save the day. He's tough, smart, and cries a lot. Oh, and very powerful (aka rich). With the help of rebel women they topple the evil man-structure. Women who chose to age and work the land rather than become sex objects. Yeah, and strippers are doing it for the tuition.

To dampen the praise

I read maybe to page 11, and I have to say, I'm not that impressed. The main character is a classic example of a Marty Stu and the fact that there is quite literally NO effective antagonist to counter him makes this less than entertaining. I'm not going to bring in the other 35 pages, because it wasn't quite good enough to get me there. This is by no means badly written, but once you get to the point where Ilias is just kicking ass all over the place with his unlimited supply of Amazium, that, my good writer, is where I don't give a crap.

And to mention to the other posters, this is not as good as Ender's Game, regardless of what you think. I'd go into my reasons, but I think there is a character limit to these posts.

To the author again, the idea is amazing, but the feminist death-hammer (courtesy of a previous poster) and the Perfect Character ensemble make this not worth reading. If I wanted god characters I would read the Bible. Again, great idea, great worldbuilding and great set up. Bad choice of character archtypes, thematic choices and the dialogue wasn't too great either.

I'd have to say...3/5 because the overtones and Perfect Character finally killed this for me.

THIS IS EPIC!!!!

BEST STORY EVER!!! I COULDN'T PUT IT DOWN!!!!!!!!

Seriously, where is the book?

This story is four years old, and a quick Google search shows no indication that it's been published. That is a shame. I'll send you a "feedback" about how to get in touch with at least one publisher who will definitely read this story.

The biggest problem here is that the book is not in the form of a paperback I can take to bed. Reading on a computer sucks, and more pages are needed to give several characters more development.

Great:
- The context. Epic, detailed, interesting, full of insights into our world. Shocking to discover this on literotica.com.
- The proposition: Epic misogyny. Far fetched, but interesting! Let's the reader be disapproving and at the same time titillated.
- The names. This is important!
- Ilias. Humility, empathy, insight, observation. He _shows_ it. Fabulous!
- Abigail, Shephatiah, Michal (at first). Great characters, great interaction
- Shootout with the bears. I was seeing the movie.
- Fails to achieve Cunif Califar. Great scene.

Here's what I'd like to see fixed up:
- On this site, you should fix the typos. These got more numerous later in the story.
- The references to time, sun angles, and geographical location. I LOVED THESE! For several I could visualize the relationships you were describing. Not so for others, they could be fixed.
- You have an epic story, and it is hobbled by the same problem that hobbles so many other epics: how do we tell so many characters apart? They must be distinct like well-loved furniture in my living room.
- Plot: what happened with the battle of Babylon?
- Bears: There is some back story here.

Mixed reviews

Good story. Not great and full of errors deserving of an editor. Lots of fun for some mental masturbation about a variety of neat concepts. Great work on setting up a viable setting and culture.

Disappointed in the lack of diversity and reality amongst the female characters. No depth of character to be found, they are all shallow, bubbly, and eager. It reminded me of Heinlein in that he puts all of his female characters on a pedestal as well. I'm here to say there are just as many foul and mean spirited women out there as there are men.

I enjoyed it very much, but in my professional opinion it would not make it with a traditional publisher.

Double Take

What a surprise to find work of this magnitude in this forum!

The world you created was impressively developed.
I was quite impressed by the detail in this tale of a theocratic dystopia.
The religion/politics that you created were staggeringly detailed and intriguing -- eternal virgins, anti-aging drugs, citizen levels -- all loosely based on the premise of Islam gone bad.... Lovely, and pertinent.
I also loved reading a work of science fiction which actually contained *science*

I know that with some revisions this could easily be a best selling work of science fiction.

There were, of course, some significant plot holes -- or rather more accurately, interesting sections that never went anywhere:
- the Bears! The battle with the bears was very exciting, cinematic in fact. But I really want to know more! Perhaps when Ilias trains with the guard much later in the story they could involve bears again instead of moving on to Antarctica?
- Political advancement post riding the lion was a little hazy... although I did enjoy the return to the boy's montesary.
- Ancient/modern names of cities could be reinforced. When I first encountered them I didn't pay enough attention to ancient/modern relationship. It was difficult to know what to pay attention to and the amount of information was staggering.
- character development of Ilias & his wives.... they were all a little too perfect.
-Shit or get off the pot! Is this A) a literotica toss off story or B) science fiction? It seemed to suffer from schizophrenia. If it's A: for god's sakes please throw in some group sex! If it's B: you may want to minimize some of the sex for the sake of the narrative.


Concerns aside (and I only mention them because this is such an impressive novel) this is hands down the most developed story on literotica.


Thank you.

truly amazing

aside from some needing an editor and maybe some clearing up on the political system its an amazing story. it hits on a personal level the level of repugnance that humans can fall too. dont listen to any detractors, this story is amazing and expanding it is what it deserves

Gripping

I've hardly been able to get anything done around here. Better than I expected to find by far.