Not unrealistic. But this one telegraphed the ending on the first page.
First the daughter telling her dad that it was his fault the marriage had gone to hell. Which was patently untrue. In this case it was the actions of the wife that caused all the problems; the husband had nothing to do with it with the exception of the aftermath. This, however, is a tired old cliche of "reconciliation" stories - a "trusted" person "close" to the wronged party who wades in to try and spread the blame around when in fact the blame can only be attributed to a single party.
Then we have the wronged party go out and try somebody new. Another cliche. This is a blatant attempt to try and make it look like there is some shared responsibility for the failure of the marriage...neatly ignoring the fact that the marriage is already dead and that a divorce is just a legal declaration of its demise.
Finally, the "heart to heart" discussion which is designed to illicit sympathy for the cheater. Which invariably resorts to "I don't know why, I can't understand how I did this". Which to me is more indicative of some gross mental incompetence rather than anything else. Again, cliche scene with a cliche ending.
At least the author put some effort into making it look like it wasn't an easy road back to a genuine marriage. But a one-paragraph glossing over at the end isn't enough to hide the truth, which is that this was full of cliches which made the story all too predictable.
Predictable stories, I'm afraid, are uninteresting stories regardless of how well written they are. At least, that's what I find with stories of this length.
Incidentally, why no more on his scum-of-the-earth brother? I would have thought there should have been a little more follow up in terms of how the extended family reacted once the story got out.
by
Anonymous02/15/07
Disappointng
I'm usually a big fan of thecelt's stories. But sadly, this is one of his worst efforts, if not the worst. It started off with an interesting premise, but the reconcilliation was completely unbelievable unless the husband is a complete loser wimp. In fact, it's almost a cliche of stories like these.
---
For the wife to sleep with the BROTHER who was a father figure, one needs some really damn good reasons to overcome that. But none are really given. He's lonely and she makes good pot roasts? Come on! She's a totally unsympathetic character the way she's presented. But what's really outrageous is that early on he realized that she hadn't just cheated on him on time, but many times. But then, like some scene out of Orwell's 1984, we suddenly supposed to forget the real history and believe a completely new one. We learned early on that she did sleep the brother many times, enough to have a usual place to do it, and there's absolutely nothing presented since to contradict that. Yet she tells him it was just the one time, and he completely believes her? It's so absurd that for a while I was guessing it must be some kind of joke or parody of these kinds of stories.
---
Thecelt, you didn't think things through. Did you forget what you wrote earlier or are you as in denial as the husband as to what happened in the first part? If you would have had him take her back despite having cheating on him multiple times, that would be one thing, but you didn't. You apparently just changed the facts halfway through the story. The reconcilliation felt completely forced and cliched.
---
You have a much higher standard than this. I hope this story was a fluke and you'll learn from this mistake. You might want to rewrite this second part - if you're going to have them get back together, make it at least halfway plausible please. Maybe you need people to proofread before you publish, so someone can point out the logical flaws that you missed.
by
Anonymous02/15/07
well,
we knew this going in from the git-go, don't we?!
by
Anonymous02/15/07
give me a fucking break
this is just worthless dogshit drivel, she's a slut, he has no morals, maybe they deserve each other, but this shit was so far below celt's normal work, i wonder who really wrote it
by
Anonymous02/15/07
Gotta say it Harry was right again
Gotta say it though REALLY dont want to... But lets face it Harry was 100% correct. Yeah I know that guy is Vulgar and crass and some think he is a troll but he NAILED how this story was going to turn out. I dont know how he does it but sometimes he sees things that others-- including me-- dont see. Good call Harry. The reconcilation was pretty badly done.
by
Anonymous02/15/07
I didn't even have to read it all...
...to know how you would end it. How could you screw it up so badly?!
Harry and the rest of you pack of LW Nazis believe in the death penalty for the first offense - no mitigating circumstances.
Geez, some woman must have really done a number on you guys one time in your lives - or you've never been with a woman and don't know any better.
thecelt has established a believable scenario. According to the Nazis, one indiscretion turns the wife into a whore and a slut. She is all or nothing. There are no conditions that might cause her to stray that in anyway explains anything.
Do you people act this way in your personal lives? One person makes a mistake and he is dead to you? Do you have any friends. Have you disowned your mothers yet?
I am so tired of these tirades. Have a pair of balls, Harry & friends. Write your own damn stories for a change. Open yourselves up to criticism.
Chapter 2 allowed the husband in this story to see the big picture about his marriage. The dry spell they had entered for the previous year can be blamed on both of them. But the wife had a predator playing on her insecurities and suspicions.
The husband was reasonable to take everything into consideration before ending the marriage. In fact all he agreed to was to try to work to rebuild what they had had.
thecelt's story showed a reconcilliation based upon an understanding of how each person had contributed to the original breakup, even if the majority of guilt had to be accepted by the wife.
I still don't understand. If you know how it's gonna end and you don't like that sort of ending*** Then why read then whine about it?
I'm a great believer in that cheating is an almost unforgivable sin. But this was a one time shot. It was the a symptom of a disease that ruins more marriages than anything else*** The I don't give a s**t syndrome. When the parties involved quit caring about their marriage and let things slide.If it was a long term thing, 68 out the gate!
I believe that they had a chance to make it with a lot of hard work on both sides. That kicking her to the curb stuff is fine, but that warm feeling fades and sleeping by yourself gets real old. it's a matter of indvidual preference.
Does Harry in VA write? I don't recall anything with his name on it published on this site. If he hates these stories so much*** Write Your Own! Put up or Shut up!
Good Job Celt!
A well crafted story with good characters and writting. There is one thing missing in the question and answer session: if it was just one time, what was the "regular place" from the phone message? That is the one glaring ommision that the whole premise hangs on, not answering it pretty much ruins the story.
Dont want to say I told ya so but WHOOO WHOOO CHOOOO CHOOO.... now arriving The Reconcilation train on track 5... Train will be departing in 30 minuts for wimptown... betrayal city... and character flaw ville.....
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actually this was NOT as bad as I thought it was going to be. IMO this story fails on Two Key points. Lets accept that he was emotionally negelcting her for MONTHS... no sex... no compliments... he was too "into his work"... blah blah blah. In THIS story there is NO hint that the wife was upset by this OR that she has tried to get him to pay attention. IF she had made an effort-- setting up dates nights... getaway weekends
...sexy under things... etc etc and he was oblivious THEN I can see how the loneliness MIGHT make her suspectable to the predator evil brother. BUT that is NOT what happens in THIS story.
========================================== ==============
second BIG problem... wife knew the brother lost his wife Estelle b/c he (the BROTHER) cheated. So she cheats with him?!?! Holy shit!! It would be one thing if the wife did NOT know the truth about the brother... But she FULLY knew.
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Again even IF we accept that she was alone tricked pressure she was weak etc... as she felt herself slipping did she even make an effort to reach out to her Husband..........? No
==============================================
This story is filled with cliches... the daughter blaming HIM and giving the wife a total free pass....
....The effort to blame himself is also soooo weak... she cheated b/c after 25 years of marrage he has a Pot Belly? .... the husband having a 1 time affair was done b/c many men in this sort of situation WOULD question thier bedroom skills and also as a tactic by the author to EVEN things out.
============================================ ==========
Working TOO HARD is NOT a justification for cheating.
I was thinking after Ch. 01 no way that this marriage would survive. I think the story would have been stronger if the lack of sex for a year would have been at least mentioned in Ch. 01. Even though the one night stand with a beautiful younger woman has been used by many other authors as a mechanism for the cheated upon husband to get his confidence back, it kind of works in the context of this story.
The thing I didn't like is that Paula was just as neglectful of her marriage before the incident as Del was. She should have been putting at least part of the attention she was giving John into the marriage. However, did he make the right decision at the end? Absolutely.
Enjoyable story of two people trying to save a marriage. Paula's betrayal was not extreme and the anger and sorrow that Del felt was very real. There certainly was a solid basis for reconciliation. Then again, there are those who could never accept that, that demand the total destruction of the wayward wife. Pity that their hearts have so hardened - wonder why.
Good story, Celt. Looking forward to more from your pen.
I enjoyed the story, you built a good basis to accept the reconciliation of two people prepared to go forward and not live in the past. But, one question remains, in his phone message, John refers to 'the ususal place'. This still leaves open the possiblity that she has lied, or it could refer to their ususal lunch place. Would be nice if this was explained.
by
Anonymous02/15/07
Sorry this boat dont float.
She gave an angry response to his phone call, she was prepared to fight, not what an innocent woman running wougl have done in attempting to get forgiveness and loving her husband. His brother spoke of their regular place, first time and in a motel, oh yes regular place. The brother professed a strong emotional attachment and wanted to know why she left so quickly, a list of unanswered phone calls perhaps and running home to returm them on the house phone. She had things to well planned with the doctor to take the boy back into the home and was to prepared to take him in, was to planned out to be a surprise. The daughter to fast went from hating the mother to being the advocate for her, something wrong there. She had a lot of time to prepare her answers and get her story right to soothe the husbands thoughts and worries. No this boat dont float. She cheated, she cheated for a year giving the brother the emotions, feelings, caring, love, and sex while hubby for the year had no sex. Remember it has been a year since we had sex, it had been a year since she was brothers confidant and support. In this case the husband has been washed, wrung out, and hung up to dry. She cheated, she only stopped because the son was sick, and she betrayed the husband with his own brother. She put herself in harms way with the brother the accuses the brother of forcing her to have sex. Nope you cant put these to back together it is a real crime, Lena at least offers him a chance at life after adultery by the wife, shame he doesnt build on what Lena gave him with or without her. Can read her thoughts, yes I have you and I had your brother, wonder who will be next?
Celt, you are too capable a writer to do what you did w/ this story. There is a glaring disconnect between the 1st part & the 2nd part; as other commenters have noted. The reference to the cheaters "usual" place, the obvious reference to the emotional connection between John & Paula, her initial angry response to his questions about where she was. And I, like others, was bothered by Jessica's 180 degree turnaround as to her attitude toward her mother's obvious cheating, & her statement to Del that this was somehow now his fault. Paula's lack of understanding as to why she cheated, makes it more than likely that she, at least in real life, will do it again. _______________________
While I am certainly not like others, Harry perhaps, who seem to be against reconciliation at any cost, their reconciliation seems - no it was - contrived at best, w/ no real apparent reason why Del would take her back. Paula never tried to make Del truly aware of what her supposed factors were that she claims led her to that motel room, she never let him know that she was desperate enough to take that last step before taking it, the ending didn't make any believable reason why he would consider reconciliation w/out some understanding of why, actually WHY, she did what she did, and how they both would understand & believe that she would never do it again. ___________________________
It's your story to write & end as you believe it should end in the context of the factual set up, but in the context you set up, the ending was not believable for a reconciliation. In this one respect, I would agree w/ Harry, I saw the "reconciliation train" coming down the track w/ the opening paragraph of part 2. I hoped that you would give enough factual rationale for that to happen, but to me at least the story did not give that rationale. Still in all, you're an excellent writer, even if you didn't, in my opinion, nail this one.
From the hight of the sky i see that you want to make that man a wimp, like yourself, and take the slut back...
But is hard to understand why the daughter say so bad things to her father and canot tell her brother about his whore mother...sorry...dont work.
Why the Hell in your stories every cheating ehore is so loved by friends, relatives others members of the family????Say for true, it is your real life s storie that you keep writing here??????
Celt, as an examination of the problems that come up in a long term marriage, this was great. You wrote this from the husband's perspective and I think that your focus on the doubts is right on. Personally, I can't see how finding out that your wife of 20+ years cheated on you could be anything but a shock and the cause for some self doubting. This was a well balanced look at the process.
That being said, I do agree with some of the other comments that you left a few unanswered questions on the table. The "usual place" comment is one. A second is the emphasis you placed on her being out of breath at the time of the phone call (this doesn't seem to fit anywhere). Lastly, the "new nightgown" that he finds in her overnight bag.
The anger I could see, if Paula was angry at herself for what she had done, then striking out at her husband might be a predictable behavior, but I do have to wonder if she is minimizing her betrayal. Maybe at some point a story from her point of view describing her feelings?
an episode of the Jerry Springer show without the fighting and the trailer park reference. lol.
I enjoyed the story though, very much. It was well done. Like Andrew Peters, I questioned the phone call and answering machine message from the brother about the "usual place". That suggests to this reader that unless some explation was given in a subsequent chapter explaining tat away. Otherwise, it is a fau-paux to an otherwise perfect plot. Also it looked to me like maybe she had told john about Del finding out about their cheating before he arrived at the hospital. I am old and may have missed that. Maybe a senior moment?lol
Del was right in that he never had a thing to do with his brother again. John had comitted the ultimate betrayal to a family member when he fucked Pamela.
Very good writing and storytelling too.
The best plot maker I have yet to encounter in a story of this type is K.K.
He never ceases to amaze me on his detailed accounts of setting up a plot and sticking to it throughout the entire story right down to the semen on the crotch of the blue panties she was wearing. lol
Thanks for writing this and keeping an old man entertained.
by
Anonymous02/15/07
Yawn
50% for potential, and then it developed into a soap opera cliche. I expected better from you. Maybe I've gotten jaded or tired of the pat answers given on this category because I'm so dissapointed that I don't feel like writing a critique...and, my friend, that isn't good.
Decent writing with few typographical and grammatical errors, a good style as we've come to expect from the author. I do have a few problems with the story's construction. As others have pointed out, if Paula's affair with John is a one-time thing, then what does his phone message "let's meet at the usual place" mean? It's either a screw-up or Paula isn't telling the truth. Whichever it is, this is bad authorship, a detail in the plot line that sticks out like a sore thumb.
The character development is good. The author shows us who Del and Paula are and builds a nice background for the story. I liked the author's hook and it segued nicely into the main story.
The plot isn't complicated and the author does a good job showing us how the two partners are devastated by her infidelity. I must confess that Del's droning on about how Paula's cheating caused Jim's illness to be so bad became tiresome. Jim got sick because the blood vessels in his head broke. The fact that his mother wasn't at home at the time doesn't change the fact that Jim almost dying was caused by his body malfunctioning, not because his mommy was out cheating on his daddy.
Insofar as the reconciliation goes, I can't really see why these two would reconcile. The marriage has clearly been declining for some time. Neither partner was interested in fixing it then so why would they be interested now? Moreover, this marriage has devolved into one of convenience. Both spouses are confirmed cheaters; they'll go outside marriage to get what they want and do it at the drop of a hat. Del's excuse that he cheated "cuz he just didn't feel like a man any more" is limp-wristed and weak. Divorce is a perfectly acceptable conclusion as there's no particular reason for them to stay together.
Neither Del nor Paula are admirable, and I don't particularly like them as individuals. Because I don't like them, whether they reconcile or not doesn't seem very important because the union is flawed and unsound. Neither partner can trust the other, and neither has any compelling reason to remain faithful. Paula doesn't know why she cheated so I suppose she'll do it again if the circumstances are right. And Del has proven that he's happy to run down some strange if he feels the need.
I really wanted to give the story a seventy-five but I can't. That's just too generous so here's a fifty and I thank you for your effort.
Is the bit about Jessie hiring a prostitute? it was needed in this story. i liked it but the chance that he would have a woman all over him in his condition was slim. Jessie could have arranged it quite easily.
I am the H20wader.
by
Anonymous02/15/07
This need more work
The secong part just doesn't seem right, the motives and emotions of the characters seem to be at odds with the original chapter.
by
Anonymous02/15/07
Great Story - Alvaron53 gave it the Lit Blessing!
As always, this author develops a great range of stories that are interesting & show great plot development. It would appear that these stories would not be stories without the "glorified feedback" from the idiot Alvaron53. We are positive that all the authors on the site would be amazed at the "perfect stories" that only Alvaron53 is capable of producing. So where are these stories?
by
Anonymous02/15/07
Hurrah Author But You Aren't Perfect Like Me OR
some other readers are or the Monday morning quarterbacks we want to be. So, lets talk about it.
You would think that an editor would have seen and pointed it out - "our usual place" to you with its severe implications of more than once as well as the implied future expectations.
Other Points: 1) Even Del didn't know why his brother divorced as stated in ch. 1 so people should read more closely before the rocks flow. 2)His daughter wanted him to get off the dime and talk or make a decision for bettor or worse. However, for her to fault dad for driving off his brother was inappropriate to the plot. An insulting tasteless point that again an editor should have said "hey - do you know the implications of that". 3) Nothing could be said about what may have happened again or did happen before or after him getting the goods by coming home early. Nor did he say that he believed it to my recollection. How does one get over that and the special clothes and bag? A tough mountain Author.
I liked your story in spite of how I might have reacted in lieu of him however I wasn't in his shoes and there is a lot to be said for that which many readers can't or won't try to relate to.
Author - you are appreciated in this sometimes most difficult theater of Marital Consequence. It unleashes emotions and passions from all of us to greater or lessor degrees. That is a credit to you and your talent. I /we hope you will stir us again - provoke thought again.
Celt: forgive me. I'll post a comment re: your story shortly. Guys, I hold all of you in the highest regard, and that's why I felt compelled to write. I'm certain I'm playing the fool in submitting this and I truly mean no disrespect, but here goes. If I state that I'm disappointed by your comments, then my words don't do justice to my feelings. I'm not alluding to whether or not you liked the story. I'm referring to your comments regarding Harry. I'm no Harry apologist. A little of Harry can go a long way for me, and I'm sure for others as well. Yes, he certainly provides his critics with lots of ammunition. Take him to task when he personally attacks someone for writing a story he didn't like or posting an opinion opposed to his. Were he to eliminate the name calling and the vulgarity, perhaps his comments might more often than not be favorably received. To berate him for his presupposed position on this or any other story makes you guilty of the sins you decry. He hadn't even posted yet! (PP) Bullett...LW Nazis? Yes, there are some who in every case will want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. But using that label for those who might be in disagreement with you over the conclusion of this story reflects poorly on your support of it. Substantiate your opinion. Don't attack the critics. Rob, I didn't get the memo. Forgive me. Are all those who post comments supposed to have submitted something here before they can be critical of a story? You want Harry to write. Does that apply to everyone? I haven't submitted anything. Must I then be silent if I didn't like the story? Blue, is my heart that hardened and am I truly deserving of your pity if I find celt's resolution unacceptable? (PP) There are many comments posted here that reflect colossal amounts of prejudice, ignorance and intolerance. Those are the folks to be pitied. Your remarks give sway to their bent. They infer to them that if ones of your stature find it acceptable, then they are justified in posting their comments. Because I respect and admire you people, I know that you are better than this.
by
Anonymous02/15/07
Ce;t you usually write better
You filled in a lot to make the story longer that I got bored reading. Take: I ate dinner and treated myself to a steak, medium rare and baked potato with sour cream and chives. I finished that off, had a piece of pie for desert: who the fuck cares what he ate...who the hell cares that he wore a casual shirt. This story is bull shit and you know it.
Perhaps the la de da groupe liked it but I sure didn't.
by
Anonymous02/15/07
Me Too
The author became enamored with putting words on paper and too many of them got in the way of the story being told. I got bored and maybe I missed some details in the paragraphs I skimmed over. I don't know. I tried re-reading it and it wasn't any more interesting than the first time going through it.
On top of that, something that bothered me was that the wayward wife was an absolute shrew at first and then magically became remorseful and wanted to work on the marriage, etc., etc. There didn't seem to be any foundation for that. From my point of view, this ruined that part of the story not already mired in ennui.
Ron123XYZ@foreveranonymous.naturally
by
Anonymous02/15/07
Problem in structure
The story dies when the son goes home. The next many paragraphs are mere description with none of the emotional content that dominated part 1. The story never recovers its emotional core. It seems to nod toward the idea that the husband needs to decide but that idea dissipates when his concerns become shallow - is his brother bigger? - and his only question is why. The story would have been better if the entire thing played out in the emotional state of the first part, as in if the confrontations had all occurred while the son was in the hospital. Reading this, it was as if time had drained away the passion and the anger, which is somewhat lifelike but not very interesting reading unless you are creating a novel with real characters.
I would never presume to tell a writer of thecelt's ability that his characters are wimps or that they should do this or that in a story. That's his prerogative, and he's certainly written enough excellent stories where the husband did in fact end the marriage and move on. And there are plenty of cases where reconciliation is justified. In this case, however, I happen to think he took the wrong conclusion. I can understand Del not being eager to jettison a 24-year marriage that had been mostly a good one, especially with such concerns about their son's care. But given all of that, I just can't see him taking her back after what she did to him. First, of all, she claims it only happened once, but in the first chapter, John's phone message indicated meeting again at, "the usual place." That spoke of a bit more familiarity than just a one-time tryst. But more than that, her actions in the year preceding her affair - even if it was only one time - weren't those of a caring, truly loving spouse. She was dissatisfied with Del and their love life? Well, damn it, tell him about it. Sit his ass down and point out that it had been a year since they'd made love. Communicate her concerns, don't just let them fester, then listen to the whisperings of a predator who is hell-bent on breaking up a happy marriage. And on that subject, he let John off the hook way too easily. He all but ruins his own brother's marriage - deliberately and with malace aforethought - and he's off living the good life in Costa Rica while Del is jumping through hoops trying to put the pieces of his life back together. I also thought Jessie's change of heart was a little jarring. In the first chapter, she's all on her mother's back about her affair; in the second chapter, she's begging her father to forgive her to keep the family together, and basically saying it was his fault she cheated. I also would have liked to have seen how Jim reacted to the news that his mother was off committing adultery while he was bleeding to death on the floor of her house. It may not have mattered medically, but from an emotional standpoint, it had to affect him. And, by the way, he never answered the question of why Jim was in the house at midnight in the first place. Did he suspect something? That thread was left hanging. I think all in all, there was too much baggage, too much betrayal here for a husband to forgive. A much more plausible solution would be to end this farce of a marriage and move on, maybe to Albuquerque to take back up with Selena. As usual, this is a well-written story, clean of typos and major grammatical errors (although I wish writers would learn the difference between desert and dessert, and that alright is not a word in the English language). However, there are too many plot holes, and a wrong-headed conclusion for this to rate as one of thecelt's better stories.
by
Anonymous02/15/07
Good Story
Before getting objective with stories, please understand that a couple who wants to drift apart or come closer do not need a lawyer! Its upto them to decide. People commit mistakes and good people forgive!
by
Anonymous02/15/07
Huh.
You managed one sort-of likeable character in this entire story, and he spent most of the first portion in a coma.
by
Anonymous02/15/07
Great
I liked your story. The husband needed to make the decision. Either action would have been acceptable. I think that adding the character of Lena probably made the reconciliation inevitable. I wonder how the brothers really got on with each other.
at the start of that scene in Phoenix with Lena i thought 'oh oh,here we go', husband is going to be bad boy and bring himself down to his wife's level. but the outcome of that scene was very well done and very useful to the story. it restored husbands pride,dignity,and confidence.
.
i thought the reconcilation scene in the end was very well done. in the end, no matter what is said, the wronged person must have the capacity to forgive. forgiveness must come from strength, thats why the Phoenix scene was so important.
.
not your best story, but very well done and enjoyable.
It was entertainment yet lacking any real depth of the wife's character or the moral history of the husband. He was awash in a new arena and that is sometimes a story.
Not one of your best stories as many of your works grab you and drive one to read the next paragraph. You have so many great stories that I guess I am a little more critical of your efforts then others.
PT
Celt: I do truly admire and respect your ability to write. I have enjoyed many of your stories...but this ain't one of them. This chapter was as much a disappointment as your first chapter was a joy. What a bummer! (PP) Where do I begin? Oh yes, let me echo jack straw's sentiment that "the usual place" bespoke more than just one occurrence. The "usual place" is a term of familiarity, a place where one is used to frequenting. "Why don't you meet me at our usual place." According to your second chapter, they only met once. How does that make this hotel "the usual place"? It seems highly unlikely that such a phrase would be used for a motel that was the site of two failed and one successful meeting. (PP) The tenor of the brother's comments in the recorded telephone message, that he expected to find the wife in bed with him, that he was hoping for one more time, hardly supports the wife's assertion that it was with much reticence that she was intimate with the brother. His patience is admirable. According to the wife's statement, she stayed in the bathroom over an hour before coming out and REFUSING him another go. His message and her tale simply don't jive. He certainly doesn't sound like a man who was refused anything by his bed partner from the previous evening. In that he thought only she would hear his message and had no reason to embellish it, the impression I get from his words is much more credible than her version to her husband. (PP) According to the author, in the first chapter, the wife answers the phone being testy and belligerent. She asks the husband, "Where the hell do you think I am? What's the damn problem"? Hardly the response I would have expected from a wife who claims in the second chapter that she "wanted to die" when she first heard his voice. It's definitely not what I would have anticipated hearing from a woman who asserted that she was so filled with guilt that she spent the night in a fetal position. (PP) The wife WAS aware of her brother-in-law's previous indiscretion! She recalls a conversation in which she and her brother-in-law discussed his divorce, how it was his fault, and how his wife had stopped all intimacy once she suspected his infidelity. Apparently a little loneliness and a lot of complimenting of Paula on her figure were enough that she would overlook his little indiscretion. Could she have picked a partner in crime who would more devastate the husband than bedding his brother? (PP) The maudlin tryst in Phoenix that you described was an attempt to level the playing field. It was a joining of two hapless people. His justification then and later that this incident was an affirmation of his self-worth seemed pretty thin to me. Actually, it cast him in an uncomplimentary light. This girl, being so depressed, was vulnerable. His own situation notwithstanding, was he any better than his brother? This scene was too manufactured for me. (PP) Since when did the daughter become a guru of philosophy? All of a sudden she acquires the acumen of a marriage counselor. When she complained to Dad that he was driving her uncle away, Dad simply should have told her, "Shut up!" It's daughter's guidance to which he harkens at story's end in determining his course of action. Sure, it's possible that she may from time to time drop pearls of wisdom, but her parents had not yet informed her of all that happened. Thus, any advice she offer would be suspect. (pp) The introspection and dialog of husband and wife to me amounted to so much fluff. I viewed all of it as simply an effort to tie the shoelaces of a preordained resolution. It's my contention that this was a full-blown affair into which the wife entered willingly. (PP) celt, it's your story and you saw it played out differently from me. Thank you for your effort. I really did want to enjoy your story, but I just can't. Please know that I do hold you in high regard and do look forward to your next submission.
Not the best story ever but a good story. HARRY, why don't you take a break from bitchin' and moanin' and write your own story????? Then you can WOW us all with your work!!
How can you kiss ass people say this is good after the horrible betrayal and the a final reconsilement. I reconized this crappy ending by the asswipe husbands remorsfull feeling after he zinged his wife.
Lets hear it fot "thecelt"
the fucking whore/slut/cunt wifw wins again.
Celt, you missed and missed badly with this one. I normally don't like your conclusions, but it's your story to conclude as you will. However, this made NO SENSE. I won't repeat what other commentors have posted, but it was like two different people wrote this tale.
Celt, I have to say I like your writing but I guess, like a few other said, we can see the same painting and not come to the same conclusion. You started the story off with how badly this came out, but you threw in a few seeds of how some folks were starting to blame the husband as having a hand in the wife's affair. If you think about it you'll see what I mean. Some folks I've met seem to believe that if one mate has an affair that both mates share the blame. But I've always disagreed with that thought process. It's easier to cheat and try to offload some of the blame than it is to talk to the mate who isn't thinking about cheating before you do. That is a throw back of "It wasn't my fault" thinking where its everyone's fault but the person who does wrong.
But I have to say, I did figured the story might off loaded the bulk of the blame for the affair on the brother, made him and her share half the remaining blame that was left over. Why? Because his brother did him in? To me a wife (or husband) is worth more than that. So to me the betrayal would be deeper than if my brother did me in. Yet she is forgiven and he is not. The only thing that was missing it seems is where he gets to punch his brother and then he reaserts his manhood. But you did get around that by using another woman to secure that for him.
But what started to kill this story for me is where you started having everyone "unload" on the husband about how selfish he was for not forgiving the wife after her affair. You even had the daughter, who first was the main one who was against the mom, launch into the Dad for being selfish and not taking her mom back. Not only did you have him and his wife blaming the husbands brother, you painted the story so it seems like the rest of the family placed all the blame squarely on the brother as well. Take a look:
All I know is that mom made a mistake. A big mistake I know, but you've let it tear apart our family, drive my uncle away and make my mom a wreck. You won't talk to her and you won't make a decision to either end it or make it work. The one who's really hurting us all is you."
And:
"Oh, dad, even I know the difference. Love has nothing to do with what she did with Uncle John. There was no love there. Maybe on Uncle John's part, at least I think so, but not on mom's part. That I know for sure. I think it was pity, or compassion, what ever you want to call it that she felt for Uncle John. But it was nothing more that that."
And not to mention where you started the husband beliving that it was his fault and that there was no possible to forgive the brother. Even though he didn't "rape" wife and she was willing to sleep with him, it was still clearly all the brother's fault for her making up her mind to sleep with him:
Did I want to try to live my life from now on without her? Or, did I want to continue to grow old with her and make the rest of my life about the two of us? That was the big question. And if I wanted to continue with her, could I forgive her? I had no need to forgive John. I wanted nothing more to do with him.
And a touch of where he starts to think, you know it was possibly my fault that she cheated on me with my brother because I didn't have enough great sex with her to keep her from straying. Never mind the fact she might have mentioned to me that I wasn't getting the job done. The best thing ot wake me up was for her to do my brother:
But wait! How long had it been since I made love to Paula like that? Did I ask her what she wanted? Did I extend our lovemaking into the night or just roll over and fall asleep? Things to think about. Damn! It would be so much simpler to just blame her for everything and let her rot in hell.
Or even where it is mentioned that HIS pride and ego were the only thing preventing him from making them both happy.
John was not a better lover than you in any way. What he and I did had nothing to do with love or intimacy or sharing. ~snip~ I told myself that I was the wounded party. That I was the victim here. I felt the glow of righteousness! My self pity and my pride were my banners, shining brightly! ~snip~ But then, as I watched her, knowing her pain and believing for the first time that she was sorry and ashamed and trying with all her being to make things right again, I asked myself why I couldn't do just that. Were those things, my pride and my ego, so important to me? Could I live with those to comfort me and share the rest of my life with me? Why couldn't I hold her and share the pain we both bore. We had shared so much over the last twenty four years why couldn't we share this?
As much as I liked your stuff, this really killed it for me. When you blame the brother and make the husband the bad guy for not seeing the wife's side. Then put them back together because he needs to share the blame for her cheating the story kinda started to slow down for me.
Not because it was a reconcile story, but because I didn't feel, or see, any reason for them to get back together. If he could forgive his wife, then he should have forgiven his brother. If he couldn't forgive him, then I can't see how he could forgive her. Both of them had sex willingly according to your story. If they both are willing to show how sorry they are, then he should be charitible to both, not just her. To me that is more selfish than anything I've read so far in the story.
An excellent, different and well thought our story
I sympathize with the nay sayers who don't understand the ending. Not that this isn't the best ending, but that we all have different "ideas" (NOT standards) concerning the way partners should work in a marriage.
Writers on the other hand try to come up with twists and different ideas about the way different people (we all try to make our people real and individual) would react. And writers all try to find unusual things to demonstrate. If they didn't, no one would bother reading what we write. The really popular ones are able to give the reader something unusual that will hold their attention. You do a good job with the twists and surprising situations.
as I said earlier... for a story from THE CELT this ending was NOT all THAT awful. Many people have posted far MORE nasty hateful posts here than I have...... yet I get all the flack. WHY is that? I gave this story a 50 which is better than MOST of the posters here. I saw all this coming b/c most fo the time The CELT brings cliche to the table.
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when an author drops major facts into a story like this those facts should be sumed up at SOME point. True the Author des NOT have to do that. The Celt does NOT have to explain the phone message..... but that is going to piss off a lot of folks.
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as I said in Part 1 ... by the time the son was home it was 5 weeks after the accident and her cheating. Given how the Celt loves a recocilation Blame the husband ending.... it was a MAJOR clue
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the Phone message. Many have pointed out that the meesage his brother left shows the wife is Liar. IF she was in the bathroom vomiting after sex why didnt he says..." hey are you ok? are you feeling better>..." Instead his message (paraphrase) hey I had a great time.. missed you this morning.... "
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Once again its all about HIS ego. Its never about her cheating. The fact that HE / Husband cant get over it is never given any consideration. What these authors ike Celt dont understand is that such an approach works in these LW stories ONLY when the other spouse TRIES to let the other person know how unhappy they area.... emotionally sexually etc but they are getting rebuffed or ignored.
If paula was just seeing Dels brother John once why did he say that he will meet in the same place there was more than one time together paula lied to Del how come she lied?
and why did she get defensive with del when he tried to call her the first time there is more to this story lets read what Paula has to say about the affair in her own words ok celt.
Pat Murray
Atlanta,Ga
by
Anonymous02/16/07
Good, but
Just a few problems, Jessie did an about face about her mom, and that didn't exactly fit. I'm nornally am a kill 'em all let God sort 'em out kind of troll. Except I wintessed this very event in my in-laws family. My father-in-law took his wife back and she was faithful to him until the day he died. His brother, on the other hand? He moved across the country to the other coast and my father-in-law never spoke to him again. And he never appeared to miss him, he gave me a bit of advice, he says anyone who would do something like that never truly loved you anyway, so their was no way he would miss him. I think he was right. So this ending makes perfect sense to me.
I, as did others, predicted reconciliation and we sure got it. I share the feelings of other commentators that her plea for forgiveness does not ring true. I think she lied about the sex. John, the brother, said it all in his message. And if she was sort of coerced, and then felt guilty and acted upset, John would not have been blind to that -- what point his phone call? The story does not really tell why there had been a year of bickering, a year of Paula's treating Hubbie like shit, being "snappy" over little things, and so forth. If he did not make love to his wife for a year, it was probably because she was not being very loving to him either. So she was turning him off. Or he turned her off and she turned him off harder. Once the cycle starts, it's like the Hatfields and the McCoys (although hopefully not that violent). The message seems to be that communication was poor for the past year of their marriage. It is not surprising Paula "sought comfort in the arms of another man," as the saying goes. "Dear John," does not only happen with soldiers overseas. Women need constant stroking and reassurance, maybe we men do too, in certain ways. When just taken for granted, well, no one likes it very much. What is not clear is why these two are getting back together when the love has been fading for a year. The one night stand with the young thing on the half-shell was good for his ego, and maybe it made things more even (he got to "knife" Paula and let her know how it feels when the one you love has nookie with another), but it does not rebuild a broken relationship. Studies show that marriages have a much lower chance for survival when the woman cheats than when the man has had a fling; despite the explanations at the end of the story, I am unconvinced that the marriage could really be saved, that there could really be trust again in their relationship, that forgive and forget would happen. And let's not forget he still has that young VP's card folded up in a safe place!
No, You Don't have to be a writer to comment, But*
No you don't have to be a writer to comment or have an opinion. But this guy writes the same comments all the time. I don't believe I've seen on positive comment from him. I think that makes him a wanna be literary critic. People like him almost caused me to quit writing, and did slow me down a lot. Some people have thicker skins than others and mine is about like an alligator now. But to a new writer or one with thin skin it can drive them away before they have a chance to fully develop their talent (if they have any) or quit on their own. I figure with all the crap I've taken , I'm entitled to vent.Remember the authors do not get paid! Their only reward is the fedback from the readers. so even if the story really sucks try to say at least one positive thing. That's something I've been trying to remember, but sometimes forget. Afterall we're all HUMAN! (I hope)
Rob Conners
Nyaah - Nyaah! Nyaah - Nyaah! I fucked your wife, and she loved it! My dicks bigger than yours and she loved it! I made her cum 3 times and then she licked me clean. Having a wonderful time, wish she was here. Love John
by
Anonymous02/16/07
Typical fine story by thecelt
You have to admit, your readers are certainly detail conscious. I gave up counting how many mentioned "the usual place" to prove wife was a repeat cheater. I liked your ending, but I thought husband was typical wronged husband whose ego would not let him forgive his wife. Keep up the good work.
60 year old George
celt, this one sure stired up a hornets nest! It's no surpeise that your defenders are other writers, who would understand better? There is something wrong with the feel of chapter 2, the "feel" or emotion, I can't pin it down and that's probably why I'm not an author. That's my opinion. Of course opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink! Keep writing as you are still one of the best and I'll read anything you write.
English
Predictable
Not unrealistic. But this one telegraphed the ending on the first page.
First the daughter telling her dad that it was his fault the marriage had gone to hell. Which was patently untrue. In this case it was the actions of the wife that caused all the problems; the husband had nothing to do with it with the exception of the aftermath. This, however, is a tired old cliche of "reconciliation" stories - a "trusted" person "close" to the wronged party who wades in to try and spread the blame around when in fact the blame can only be attributed to a single party.
Then we have the wronged party go out and try somebody new. Another cliche. This is a blatant attempt to try and make it look like there is some shared responsibility for the failure of the marriage...neatly ignoring the fact that the marriage is already dead and that a divorce is just a legal declaration of its demise.
Finally, the "heart to heart" discussion which is designed to illicit sympathy for the cheater. Which invariably resorts to "I don't know why, I can't understand how I did this". Which to me is more indicative of some gross mental incompetence rather than anything else. Again, cliche scene with a cliche ending.
At least the author put some effort into making it look like it wasn't an easy road back to a genuine marriage. But a one-paragraph glossing over at the end isn't enough to hide the truth, which is that this was full of cliches which made the story all too predictable.
Predictable stories, I'm afraid, are uninteresting stories regardless of how well written they are. At least, that's what I find with stories of this length.
Incidentally, why no more on his scum-of-the-earth brother? I would have thought there should have been a little more follow up in terms of how the extended family reacted once the story got out.
Disappointng
I'm usually a big fan of thecelt's stories. But sadly, this is one of his worst efforts, if not the worst. It started off with an interesting premise, but the reconcilliation was completely unbelievable unless the husband is a complete loser wimp. In fact, it's almost a cliche of stories like these.
---
For the wife to sleep with the BROTHER who was a father figure, one needs some really damn good reasons to overcome that. But none are really given. He's lonely and she makes good pot roasts? Come on! She's a totally unsympathetic character the way she's presented. But what's really outrageous is that early on he realized that she hadn't just cheated on him on time, but many times. But then, like some scene out of Orwell's 1984, we suddenly supposed to forget the real history and believe a completely new one. We learned early on that she did sleep the brother many times, enough to have a usual place to do it, and there's absolutely nothing presented since to contradict that. Yet she tells him it was just the one time, and he completely believes her? It's so absurd that for a while I was guessing it must be some kind of joke or parody of these kinds of stories.
---
Thecelt, you didn't think things through. Did you forget what you wrote earlier or are you as in denial as the husband as to what happened in the first part? If you would have had him take her back despite having cheating on him multiple times, that would be one thing, but you didn't. You apparently just changed the facts halfway through the story. The reconcilliation felt completely forced and cliched.
---
You have a much higher standard than this. I hope this story was a fluke and you'll learn from this mistake. You might want to rewrite this second part - if you're going to have them get back together, make it at least halfway plausible please. Maybe you need people to proofread before you publish, so someone can point out the logical flaws that you missed.
well,
we knew this going in from the git-go, don't we?!
give me a fucking break
this is just worthless dogshit drivel, she's a slut, he has no morals, maybe they deserve each other, but this shit was so far below celt's normal work, i wonder who really wrote it
Gotta say it Harry was right again
Gotta say it though REALLY dont want to... But lets face it Harry was 100% correct. Yeah I know that guy is Vulgar and crass and some think he is a troll but he NAILED how this story was going to turn out. I dont know how he does it but sometimes he sees things that others-- including me-- dont see. Good call Harry. The reconcilation was pretty badly done.
I didn't even have to read it all...
...to know how you would end it. How could you screw it up so badly?!
I liked it.
Harry and the rest of you pack of LW Nazis believe in the death penalty for the first offense - no mitigating circumstances.
Geez, some woman must have really done a number on you guys one time in your lives - or you've never been with a woman and don't know any better.
thecelt has established a believable scenario. According to the Nazis, one indiscretion turns the wife into a whore and a slut. She is all or nothing. There are no conditions that might cause her to stray that in anyway explains anything.
Do you people act this way in your personal lives? One person makes a mistake and he is dead to you? Do you have any friends. Have you disowned your mothers yet?
I am so tired of these tirades. Have a pair of balls, Harry & friends. Write your own damn stories for a change. Open yourselves up to criticism.
Chapter 2 allowed the husband in this story to see the big picture about his marriage. The dry spell they had entered for the previous year can be blamed on both of them. But the wife had a predator playing on her insecurities and suspicions.
The husband was reasonable to take everything into consideration before ending the marriage. In fact all he agreed to was to try to work to rebuild what they had had.
thecelt's story showed a reconcilliation based upon an understanding of how each person had contributed to the original breakup, even if the majority of guilt had to be accepted by the wife.
If you knew how it was gonna end, then***
I still don't understand. If you know how it's gonna end and you don't like that sort of ending*** Then why read then whine about it?
I'm a great believer in that cheating is an almost unforgivable sin. But this was a one time shot. It was the a symptom of a disease that ruins more marriages than anything else*** The I don't give a s**t syndrome. When the parties involved quit caring about their marriage and let things slide.If it was a long term thing, 68 out the gate!
I believe that they had a chance to make it with a lot of hard work on both sides. That kicking her to the curb stuff is fine, but that warm feeling fades and sleeping by yourself gets real old. it's a matter of indvidual preference.
Does Harry in VA write? I don't recall anything with his name on it published on this site. If he hates these stories so much*** Write Your Own! Put up or Shut up!
Good Job Celt!
Rob Conners
Something missing.
A well crafted story with good characters and writting. There is one thing missing in the question and answer session: if it was just one time, what was the "regular place" from the phone message? That is the one glaring ommision that the whole premise hangs on, not answering it pretty much ruins the story.
cliche & weak; still not as bad as I thought
Dont want to say I told ya so but WHOOO WHOOO CHOOOO CHOOO.... now arriving The Reconcilation train on track 5... Train will be departing in 30 minuts for wimptown... betrayal city... and character flaw ville.....
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actually this was NOT as bad as I thought it was going to be. IMO this story fails on Two Key points. Lets accept that he was emotionally negelcting her for MONTHS... no sex... no compliments... he was too "into his work"... blah blah blah. In THIS story there is NO hint that the wife was upset by this OR that she has tried to get him to pay attention. IF she had made an effort-- setting up dates nights... getaway weekends
...sexy under things... etc etc and he was oblivious THEN I can see how the loneliness MIGHT make her suspectable to the predator evil brother. BUT that is NOT what happens in THIS story.
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second BIG problem... wife knew the brother lost his wife Estelle b/c he (the BROTHER) cheated. So she cheats with him?!?! Holy shit!! It would be one thing if the wife did NOT know the truth about the brother... But she FULLY knew.
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Again even IF we accept that she was alone tricked pressure she was weak etc... as she felt herself slipping did she even make an effort to reach out to her Husband..........? No
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This story is filled with cliches... the daughter blaming HIM and giving the wife a total free pass....
....The effort to blame himself is also soooo weak... she cheated b/c after 25 years of marrage he has a Pot Belly? .... the husband having a 1 time affair was done b/c many men in this sort of situation WOULD question thier bedroom skills and also as a tactic by the author to EVEN things out.
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Working TOO HARD is NOT a justification for cheating.
The ending works
I was thinking after Ch. 01 no way that this marriage would survive. I think the story would have been stronger if the lack of sex for a year would have been at least mentioned in Ch. 01. Even though the one night stand with a beautiful younger woman has been used by many other authors as a mechanism for the cheated upon husband to get his confidence back, it kind of works in the context of this story.
The thing I didn't like is that Paula was just as neglectful of her marriage before the incident as Del was. She should have been putting at least part of the attention she was giving John into the marriage. However, did he make the right decision at the end? Absolutely.
Nice Work
Enjoyable story of two people trying to save a marriage. Paula's betrayal was not extreme and the anger and sorrow that Del felt was very real. There certainly was a solid basis for reconciliation. Then again, there are those who could never accept that, that demand the total destruction of the wayward wife. Pity that their hearts have so hardened - wonder why.
Good story, Celt. Looking forward to more from your pen.
Still One Question
I enjoyed the story, you built a good basis to accept the reconciliation of two people prepared to go forward and not live in the past. But, one question remains, in his phone message, John refers to 'the ususal place'. This still leaves open the possiblity that she has lied, or it could refer to their ususal lunch place. Would be nice if this was explained.
Sorry this boat dont float.
She gave an angry response to his phone call, she was prepared to fight, not what an innocent woman running wougl have done in attempting to get forgiveness and loving her husband. His brother spoke of their regular place, first time and in a motel, oh yes regular place. The brother professed a strong emotional attachment and wanted to know why she left so quickly, a list of unanswered phone calls perhaps and running home to returm them on the house phone. She had things to well planned with the doctor to take the boy back into the home and was to prepared to take him in, was to planned out to be a surprise. The daughter to fast went from hating the mother to being the advocate for her, something wrong there. She had a lot of time to prepare her answers and get her story right to soothe the husbands thoughts and worries. No this boat dont float. She cheated, she cheated for a year giving the brother the emotions, feelings, caring, love, and sex while hubby for the year had no sex. Remember it has been a year since we had sex, it had been a year since she was brothers confidant and support. In this case the husband has been washed, wrung out, and hung up to dry. She cheated, she only stopped because the son was sick, and she betrayed the husband with his own brother. She put herself in harms way with the brother the accuses the brother of forcing her to have sex. Nope you cant put these to back together it is a real crime, Lena at least offers him a chance at life after adultery by the wife, shame he doesnt build on what Lena gave him with or without her. Can read her thoughts, yes I have you and I had your brother, wonder who will be next?
Too pat; too cliched
Celt, you are too capable a writer to do what you did w/ this story. There is a glaring disconnect between the 1st part & the 2nd part; as other commenters have noted. The reference to the cheaters "usual" place, the obvious reference to the emotional connection between John & Paula, her initial angry response to his questions about where she was. And I, like others, was bothered by Jessica's 180 degree turnaround as to her attitude toward her mother's obvious cheating, & her statement to Del that this was somehow now his fault. Paula's lack of understanding as to why she cheated, makes it more than likely that she, at least in real life, will do it again. _______________________
While I am certainly not like others, Harry perhaps, who seem to be against reconciliation at any cost, their reconciliation seems - no it was - contrived at best, w/ no real apparent reason why Del would take her back. Paula never tried to make Del truly aware of what her supposed factors were that she claims led her to that motel room, she never let him know that she was desperate enough to take that last step before taking it, the ending didn't make any believable reason why he would consider reconciliation w/out some understanding of why, actually WHY, she did what she did, and how they both would understand & believe that she would never do it again. ___________________________
It's your story to write & end as you believe it should end in the context of the factual set up, but in the context you set up, the ending was not believable for a reconciliation. In this one respect, I would agree w/ Harry, I saw the "reconciliation train" coming down the track w/ the opening paragraph of part 2. I hoped that you would give enough factual rationale for that to happen, but to me at least the story did not give that rationale. Still in all, you're an excellent writer, even if you didn't, in my opinion, nail this one.
What a wimp may write about???
From the hight of the sky i see that you want to make that man a wimp, like yourself, and take the slut back...
But is hard to understand why the daughter say so bad things to her father and canot tell her brother about his whore mother...sorry...dont work.
Why the Hell in your stories every cheating ehore is so loved by friends, relatives others members of the family????Say for true, it is your real life s storie that you keep writing here??????
good story with some unanswered questions
Celt, as an examination of the problems that come up in a long term marriage, this was great. You wrote this from the husband's perspective and I think that your focus on the doubts is right on. Personally, I can't see how finding out that your wife of 20+ years cheated on you could be anything but a shock and the cause for some self doubting. This was a well balanced look at the process.
That being said, I do agree with some of the other comments that you left a few unanswered questions on the table. The "usual place" comment is one. A second is the emphasis you placed on her being out of breath at the time of the phone call (this doesn't seem to fit anywhere). Lastly, the "new nightgown" that he finds in her overnight bag.
The anger I could see, if Paula was angry at herself for what she had done, then striking out at her husband might be a predictable behavior, but I do have to wonder if she is minimizing her betrayal. Maybe at some point a story from her point of view describing her feelings?
Anyway, good job at telling a tough story line.
Just Like
an episode of the Jerry Springer show without the fighting and the trailer park reference. lol.
I enjoyed the story though, very much. It was well done. Like Andrew Peters, I questioned the phone call and answering machine message from the brother about the "usual place". That suggests to this reader that unless some explation was given in a subsequent chapter explaining tat away. Otherwise, it is a fau-paux to an otherwise perfect plot. Also it looked to me like maybe she had told john about Del finding out about their cheating before he arrived at the hospital. I am old and may have missed that. Maybe a senior moment?lol
Del was right in that he never had a thing to do with his brother again. John had comitted the ultimate betrayal to a family member when he fucked Pamela.
Very good writing and storytelling too.
The best plot maker I have yet to encounter in a story of this type is K.K.
He never ceases to amaze me on his detailed accounts of setting up a plot and sticking to it throughout the entire story right down to the semen on the crotch of the blue panties she was wearing. lol
Thanks for writing this and keeping an old man entertained.
Yawn
50% for potential, and then it developed into a soap opera cliche. I expected better from you. Maybe I've gotten jaded or tired of the pat answers given on this category because I'm so dissapointed that I don't feel like writing a critique...and, my friend, that isn't good.
The end result is unsatisfying
Decent writing with few typographical and grammatical errors, a good style as we've come to expect from the author. I do have a few problems with the story's construction. As others have pointed out, if Paula's affair with John is a one-time thing, then what does his phone message "let's meet at the usual place" mean? It's either a screw-up or Paula isn't telling the truth. Whichever it is, this is bad authorship, a detail in the plot line that sticks out like a sore thumb.
The character development is good. The author shows us who Del and Paula are and builds a nice background for the story. I liked the author's hook and it segued nicely into the main story.
The plot isn't complicated and the author does a good job showing us how the two partners are devastated by her infidelity. I must confess that Del's droning on about how Paula's cheating caused Jim's illness to be so bad became tiresome. Jim got sick because the blood vessels in his head broke. The fact that his mother wasn't at home at the time doesn't change the fact that Jim almost dying was caused by his body malfunctioning, not because his mommy was out cheating on his daddy.
Insofar as the reconciliation goes, I can't really see why these two would reconcile. The marriage has clearly been declining for some time. Neither partner was interested in fixing it then so why would they be interested now? Moreover, this marriage has devolved into one of convenience. Both spouses are confirmed cheaters; they'll go outside marriage to get what they want and do it at the drop of a hat. Del's excuse that he cheated "cuz he just didn't feel like a man any more" is limp-wristed and weak. Divorce is a perfectly acceptable conclusion as there's no particular reason for them to stay together.
Neither Del nor Paula are admirable, and I don't particularly like them as individuals. Because I don't like them, whether they reconcile or not doesn't seem very important because the union is flawed and unsound. Neither partner can trust the other, and neither has any compelling reason to remain faithful. Paula doesn't know why she cheated so I suppose she'll do it again if the circumstances are right. And Del has proven that he's happy to run down some strange if he feels the need.
I really wanted to give the story a seventy-five but I can't. That's just too generous so here's a fifty and I thank you for your effort.
Thanks
Thanks for a well written story. I appreciate your fine writing in this and your other stories.
Regards,
butch
Where?
Is the bit about Jessie hiring a prostitute? it was needed in this story. i liked it but the chance that he would have a woman all over him in his condition was slim. Jessie could have arranged it quite easily.
I am the H20wader.
This need more work
The secong part just doesn't seem right, the motives and emotions of the characters seem to be at odds with the original chapter.
Great Story - Alvaron53 gave it the Lit Blessing!
As always, this author develops a great range of stories that are interesting & show great plot development. It would appear that these stories would not be stories without the "glorified feedback" from the idiot Alvaron53. We are positive that all the authors on the site would be amazed at the "perfect stories" that only Alvaron53 is capable of producing. So where are these stories?
Hurrah Author But You Aren't Perfect Like Me OR
some other readers are or the Monday morning quarterbacks we want to be. So, lets talk about it.
You would think that an editor would have seen and pointed it out - "our usual place" to you with its severe implications of more than once as well as the implied future expectations.
Other Points: 1) Even Del didn't know why his brother divorced as stated in ch. 1 so people should read more closely before the rocks flow. 2)His daughter wanted him to get off the dime and talk or make a decision for bettor or worse. However, for her to fault dad for driving off his brother was inappropriate to the plot. An insulting tasteless point that again an editor should have said "hey - do you know the implications of that". 3) Nothing could be said about what may have happened again or did happen before or after him getting the goods by coming home early. Nor did he say that he believed it to my recollection. How does one get over that and the special clothes and bag? A tough mountain Author.
I liked your story in spite of how I might have reacted in lieu of him however I wasn't in his shoes and there is a lot to be said for that which many readers can't or won't try to relate to.
Author - you are appreciated in this sometimes most difficult theater of Marital Consequence. It unleashes emotions and passions from all of us to greater or lessor degrees. That is a credit to you and your talent. I /we hope you will stir us again - provoke thought again.
With Very High Regard
To bullett, Rob and Blue
Celt: forgive me. I'll post a comment re: your story shortly. Guys, I hold all of you in the highest regard, and that's why I felt compelled to write. I'm certain I'm playing the fool in submitting this and I truly mean no disrespect, but here goes. If I state that I'm disappointed by your comments, then my words don't do justice to my feelings. I'm not alluding to whether or not you liked the story. I'm referring to your comments regarding Harry. I'm no Harry apologist. A little of Harry can go a long way for me, and I'm sure for others as well. Yes, he certainly provides his critics with lots of ammunition. Take him to task when he personally attacks someone for writing a story he didn't like or posting an opinion opposed to his. Were he to eliminate the name calling and the vulgarity, perhaps his comments might more often than not be favorably received. To berate him for his presupposed position on this or any other story makes you guilty of the sins you decry. He hadn't even posted yet! (PP) Bullett...LW Nazis? Yes, there are some who in every case will want to throw the baby out with the bathwater. But using that label for those who might be in disagreement with you over the conclusion of this story reflects poorly on your support of it. Substantiate your opinion. Don't attack the critics. Rob, I didn't get the memo. Forgive me. Are all those who post comments supposed to have submitted something here before they can be critical of a story? You want Harry to write. Does that apply to everyone? I haven't submitted anything. Must I then be silent if I didn't like the story? Blue, is my heart that hardened and am I truly deserving of your pity if I find celt's resolution unacceptable? (PP) There are many comments posted here that reflect colossal amounts of prejudice, ignorance and intolerance. Those are the folks to be pitied. Your remarks give sway to their bent. They infer to them that if ones of your stature find it acceptable, then they are justified in posting their comments. Because I respect and admire you people, I know that you are better than this.
Ce;t you usually write better
You filled in a lot to make the story longer that I got bored reading. Take: I ate dinner and treated myself to a steak, medium rare and baked potato with sour cream and chives. I finished that off, had a piece of pie for desert: who the fuck cares what he ate...who the hell cares that he wore a casual shirt. This story is bull shit and you know it.
Perhaps the la de da groupe liked it but I sure didn't.
Me Too
The author became enamored with putting words on paper and too many of them got in the way of the story being told. I got bored and maybe I missed some details in the paragraphs I skimmed over. I don't know. I tried re-reading it and it wasn't any more interesting than the first time going through it.
On top of that, something that bothered me was that the wayward wife was an absolute shrew at first and then magically became remorseful and wanted to work on the marriage, etc., etc. There didn't seem to be any foundation for that. From my point of view, this ruined that part of the story not already mired in ennui.
Ron123XYZ@foreveranonymous.naturally
Problem in structure
The story dies when the son goes home. The next many paragraphs are mere description with none of the emotional content that dominated part 1. The story never recovers its emotional core. It seems to nod toward the idea that the husband needs to decide but that idea dissipates when his concerns become shallow - is his brother bigger? - and his only question is why. The story would have been better if the entire thing played out in the emotional state of the first part, as in if the confrontations had all occurred while the son was in the hospital. Reading this, it was as if time had drained away the passion and the anger, which is somewhat lifelike but not very interesting reading unless you are creating a novel with real characters.
No wimp, but...
I would never presume to tell a writer of thecelt's ability that his characters are wimps or that they should do this or that in a story. That's his prerogative, and he's certainly written enough excellent stories where the husband did in fact end the marriage and move on. And there are plenty of cases where reconciliation is justified. In this case, however, I happen to think he took the wrong conclusion. I can understand Del not being eager to jettison a 24-year marriage that had been mostly a good one, especially with such concerns about their son's care. But given all of that, I just can't see him taking her back after what she did to him. First, of all, she claims it only happened once, but in the first chapter, John's phone message indicated meeting again at, "the usual place." That spoke of a bit more familiarity than just a one-time tryst. But more than that, her actions in the year preceding her affair - even if it was only one time - weren't those of a caring, truly loving spouse. She was dissatisfied with Del and their love life? Well, damn it, tell him about it. Sit his ass down and point out that it had been a year since they'd made love. Communicate her concerns, don't just let them fester, then listen to the whisperings of a predator who is hell-bent on breaking up a happy marriage. And on that subject, he let John off the hook way too easily. He all but ruins his own brother's marriage - deliberately and with malace aforethought - and he's off living the good life in Costa Rica while Del is jumping through hoops trying to put the pieces of his life back together. I also thought Jessie's change of heart was a little jarring. In the first chapter, she's all on her mother's back about her affair; in the second chapter, she's begging her father to forgive her to keep the family together, and basically saying it was his fault she cheated. I also would have liked to have seen how Jim reacted to the news that his mother was off committing adultery while he was bleeding to death on the floor of her house. It may not have mattered medically, but from an emotional standpoint, it had to affect him. And, by the way, he never answered the question of why Jim was in the house at midnight in the first place. Did he suspect something? That thread was left hanging. I think all in all, there was too much baggage, too much betrayal here for a husband to forgive. A much more plausible solution would be to end this farce of a marriage and move on, maybe to Albuquerque to take back up with Selena. As usual, this is a well-written story, clean of typos and major grammatical errors (although I wish writers would learn the difference between desert and dessert, and that alright is not a word in the English language). However, there are too many plot holes, and a wrong-headed conclusion for this to rate as one of thecelt's better stories.
Good Story
Before getting objective with stories, please understand that a couple who wants to drift apart or come closer do not need a lawyer! Its upto them to decide. People commit mistakes and good people forgive!
Huh.
You managed one sort-of likeable character in this entire story, and he spent most of the first portion in a coma.
Great
I liked your story. The husband needed to make the decision. Either action would have been acceptable. I think that adding the character of Lena probably made the reconciliation inevitable. I wonder how the brothers really got on with each other.
Boyd
you pulled it out in the end
at the start of that scene in Phoenix with Lena i thought 'oh oh,here we go', husband is going to be bad boy and bring himself down to his wife's level. but the outcome of that scene was very well done and very useful to the story. it restored husbands pride,dignity,and confidence.
.
i thought the reconcilation scene in the end was very well done. in the end, no matter what is said, the wronged person must have the capacity to forgive. forgiveness must come from strength, thats why the Phoenix scene was so important.
.
not your best story, but very well done and enjoyable.
don
I believe a good story
It was entertainment yet lacking any real depth of the wife's character or the moral history of the husband. He was awash in a new arena and that is sometimes a story.
Not one of your best stories as many of your works grab you and drive one to read the next paragraph. You have so many great stories that I guess I am a little more critical of your efforts then others.
PT
A Square Peg In A Round Hole
Celt: I do truly admire and respect your ability to write. I have enjoyed many of your stories...but this ain't one of them. This chapter was as much a disappointment as your first chapter was a joy. What a bummer! (PP) Where do I begin? Oh yes, let me echo jack straw's sentiment that "the usual place" bespoke more than just one occurrence. The "usual place" is a term of familiarity, a place where one is used to frequenting. "Why don't you meet me at our usual place." According to your second chapter, they only met once. How does that make this hotel "the usual place"? It seems highly unlikely that such a phrase would be used for a motel that was the site of two failed and one successful meeting. (PP) The tenor of the brother's comments in the recorded telephone message, that he expected to find the wife in bed with him, that he was hoping for one more time, hardly supports the wife's assertion that it was with much reticence that she was intimate with the brother. His patience is admirable. According to the wife's statement, she stayed in the bathroom over an hour before coming out and REFUSING him another go. His message and her tale simply don't jive. He certainly doesn't sound like a man who was refused anything by his bed partner from the previous evening. In that he thought only she would hear his message and had no reason to embellish it, the impression I get from his words is much more credible than her version to her husband. (PP) According to the author, in the first chapter, the wife answers the phone being testy and belligerent. She asks the husband, "Where the hell do you think I am? What's the damn problem"? Hardly the response I would have expected from a wife who claims in the second chapter that she "wanted to die" when she first heard his voice. It's definitely not what I would have anticipated hearing from a woman who asserted that she was so filled with guilt that she spent the night in a fetal position. (PP) The wife WAS aware of her brother-in-law's previous indiscretion! She recalls a conversation in which she and her brother-in-law discussed his divorce, how it was his fault, and how his wife had stopped all intimacy once she suspected his infidelity. Apparently a little loneliness and a lot of complimenting of Paula on her figure were enough that she would overlook his little indiscretion. Could she have picked a partner in crime who would more devastate the husband than bedding his brother? (PP) The maudlin tryst in Phoenix that you described was an attempt to level the playing field. It was a joining of two hapless people. His justification then and later that this incident was an affirmation of his self-worth seemed pretty thin to me. Actually, it cast him in an uncomplimentary light. This girl, being so depressed, was vulnerable. His own situation notwithstanding, was he any better than his brother? This scene was too manufactured for me. (PP) Since when did the daughter become a guru of philosophy? All of a sudden she acquires the acumen of a marriage counselor. When she complained to Dad that he was driving her uncle away, Dad simply should have told her, "Shut up!" It's daughter's guidance to which he harkens at story's end in determining his course of action. Sure, it's possible that she may from time to time drop pearls of wisdom, but her parents had not yet informed her of all that happened. Thus, any advice she offer would be suspect. (pp) The introspection and dialog of husband and wife to me amounted to so much fluff. I viewed all of it as simply an effort to tie the shoelaces of a preordained resolution. It's my contention that this was a full-blown affair into which the wife entered willingly. (PP) celt, it's your story and you saw it played out differently from me. Thank you for your effort. I really did want to enjoy your story, but I just can't. Please know that I do hold you in high regard and do look forward to your next submission.
Good Job Celt
Not the best story ever but a good story. HARRY, why don't you take a break from bitchin' and moanin' and write your own story????? Then you can WOW us all with your work!!
U r kidding me
How can you kiss ass people say this is good after the horrible betrayal and the a final reconsilement. I reconized this crappy ending by the asswipe husbands remorsfull feeling after he zinged his wife.
Lets hear it fot "thecelt"
the fucking whore/slut/cunt wifw wins again.
Maybe this one won't be deleted
Celt, you missed and missed badly with this one. I normally don't like your conclusions, but it's your story to conclude as you will. However, this made NO SENSE. I won't repeat what other commentors have posted, but it was like two different people wrote this tale.
Uhmmm, well
Some days you get the tiger and some days........
Celt, I have to say I like your writing but I guess, like a few other said, we can see the same painting and not come to the same conclusion. You started the story off with how badly this came out, but you threw in a few seeds of how some folks were starting to blame the husband as having a hand in the wife's affair. If you think about it you'll see what I mean. Some folks I've met seem to believe that if one mate has an affair that both mates share the blame. But I've always disagreed with that thought process. It's easier to cheat and try to offload some of the blame than it is to talk to the mate who isn't thinking about cheating before you do. That is a throw back of "It wasn't my fault" thinking where its everyone's fault but the person who does wrong.
But I have to say, I did figured the story might off loaded the bulk of the blame for the affair on the brother, made him and her share half the remaining blame that was left over. Why? Because his brother did him in? To me a wife (or husband) is worth more than that. So to me the betrayal would be deeper than if my brother did me in. Yet she is forgiven and he is not. The only thing that was missing it seems is where he gets to punch his brother and then he reaserts his manhood. But you did get around that by using another woman to secure that for him.
But what started to kill this story for me is where you started having everyone "unload" on the husband about how selfish he was for not forgiving the wife after her affair. You even had the daughter, who first was the main one who was against the mom, launch into the Dad for being selfish and not taking her mom back. Not only did you have him and his wife blaming the husbands brother, you painted the story so it seems like the rest of the family placed all the blame squarely on the brother as well. Take a look:
All I know is that mom made a mistake. A big mistake I know, but you've let it tear apart our family, drive my uncle away and make my mom a wreck. You won't talk to her and you won't make a decision to either end it or make it work. The one who's really hurting us all is you."
And:
"Oh, dad, even I know the difference. Love has nothing to do with what she did with Uncle John. There was no love there. Maybe on Uncle John's part, at least I think so, but not on mom's part. That I know for sure. I think it was pity, or compassion, what ever you want to call it that she felt for Uncle John. But it was nothing more that that."
And not to mention where you started the husband beliving that it was his fault and that there was no possible to forgive the brother. Even though he didn't "rape" wife and she was willing to sleep with him, it was still clearly all the brother's fault for her making up her mind to sleep with him:
Did I want to try to live my life from now on without her? Or, did I want to continue to grow old with her and make the rest of my life about the two of us? That was the big question. And if I wanted to continue with her, could I forgive her? I had no need to forgive John. I wanted nothing more to do with him.
And a touch of where he starts to think, you know it was possibly my fault that she cheated on me with my brother because I didn't have enough great sex with her to keep her from straying. Never mind the fact she might have mentioned to me that I wasn't getting the job done. The best thing ot wake me up was for her to do my brother:
But wait! How long had it been since I made love to Paula like that? Did I ask her what she wanted? Did I extend our lovemaking into the night or just roll over and fall asleep? Things to think about. Damn! It would be so much simpler to just blame her for everything and let her rot in hell.
Or even where it is mentioned that HIS pride and ego were the only thing preventing him from making them both happy.
John was not a better lover than you in any way. What he and I did had nothing to do with love or intimacy or sharing. ~snip~ I told myself that I was the wounded party. That I was the victim here. I felt the glow of righteousness! My self pity and my pride were my banners, shining brightly! ~snip~ But then, as I watched her, knowing her pain and believing for the first time that she was sorry and ashamed and trying with all her being to make things right again, I asked myself why I couldn't do just that. Were those things, my pride and my ego, so important to me? Could I live with those to comfort me and share the rest of my life with me? Why couldn't I hold her and share the pain we both bore. We had shared so much over the last twenty four years why couldn't we share this?
As much as I liked your stuff, this really killed it for me. When you blame the brother and make the husband the bad guy for not seeing the wife's side. Then put them back together because he needs to share the blame for her cheating the story kinda started to slow down for me.
Not because it was a reconcile story, but because I didn't feel, or see, any reason for them to get back together. If he could forgive his wife, then he should have forgiven his brother. If he couldn't forgive him, then I can't see how he could forgive her. Both of them had sex willingly according to your story. If they both are willing to show how sorry they are, then he should be charitible to both, not just her. To me that is more selfish than anything I've read so far in the story.
-Risq
An excellent, different and well thought our story
I sympathize with the nay sayers who don't understand the ending. Not that this isn't the best ending, but that we all have different "ideas" (NOT standards) concerning the way partners should work in a marriage.
Writers on the other hand try to come up with twists and different ideas about the way different people (we all try to make our people real and individual) would react. And writers all try to find unusual things to demonstrate. If they didn't, no one would bother reading what we write. The really popular ones are able to give the reader something unusual that will hold their attention. You do a good job with the twists and surprising situations.
well I told y'all this was coming
as I said earlier... for a story from THE CELT this ending was NOT all THAT awful. Many people have posted far MORE nasty hateful posts here than I have...... yet I get all the flack. WHY is that? I gave this story a 50 which is better than MOST of the posters here. I saw all this coming b/c most fo the time The CELT brings cliche to the table.
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when an author drops major facts into a story like this those facts should be sumed up at SOME point. True the Author des NOT have to do that. The Celt does NOT have to explain the phone message..... but that is going to piss off a lot of folks.
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as I said in Part 1 ... by the time the son was home it was 5 weeks after the accident and her cheating. Given how the Celt loves a recocilation Blame the husband ending.... it was a MAJOR clue
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the Phone message. Many have pointed out that the meesage his brother left shows the wife is Liar. IF she was in the bathroom vomiting after sex why didnt he says..." hey are you ok? are you feeling better>..." Instead his message (paraphrase) hey I had a great time.. missed you this morning.... "
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Once again its all about HIS ego. Its never about her cheating. The fact that HE / Husband cant get over it is never given any consideration. What these authors ike Celt dont understand is that such an approach works in these LW stories ONLY when the other spouse TRIES to let the other person know how unhappy they area.... emotionally sexually etc but they are getting rebuffed or ignored.
Lena ...
... must be an angel.
I like your story
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Nucleus
A Great Story
If paula was just seeing Dels brother John once why did he say that he will meet in the same place there was more than one time together paula lied to Del how come she lied?
and why did she get defensive with del when he tried to call her the first time there is more to this story lets read what Paula has to say about the affair in her own words ok celt.
Pat Murray
Atlanta,Ga
Good, but
Just a few problems, Jessie did an about face about her mom, and that didn't exactly fit. I'm nornally am a kill 'em all let God sort 'em out kind of troll. Except I wintessed this very event in my in-laws family. My father-in-law took his wife back and she was faithful to him until the day he died. His brother, on the other hand? He moved across the country to the other coast and my father-in-law never spoke to him again. And he never appeared to miss him, he gave me a bit of advice, he says anyone who would do something like that never truly loved you anyway, so their was no way he would miss him. I think he was right. So this ending makes perfect sense to me.
Reconciliation: What a surprise!
I, as did others, predicted reconciliation and we sure got it. I share the feelings of other commentators that her plea for forgiveness does not ring true. I think she lied about the sex. John, the brother, said it all in his message. And if she was sort of coerced, and then felt guilty and acted upset, John would not have been blind to that -- what point his phone call? The story does not really tell why there had been a year of bickering, a year of Paula's treating Hubbie like shit, being "snappy" over little things, and so forth. If he did not make love to his wife for a year, it was probably because she was not being very loving to him either. So she was turning him off. Or he turned her off and she turned him off harder. Once the cycle starts, it's like the Hatfields and the McCoys (although hopefully not that violent). The message seems to be that communication was poor for the past year of their marriage. It is not surprising Paula "sought comfort in the arms of another man," as the saying goes. "Dear John," does not only happen with soldiers overseas. Women need constant stroking and reassurance, maybe we men do too, in certain ways. When just taken for granted, well, no one likes it very much. What is not clear is why these two are getting back together when the love has been fading for a year. The one night stand with the young thing on the half-shell was good for his ego, and maybe it made things more even (he got to "knife" Paula and let her know how it feels when the one you love has nookie with another), but it does not rebuild a broken relationship. Studies show that marriages have a much lower chance for survival when the woman cheats than when the man has had a fling; despite the explanations at the end of the story, I am unconvinced that the marriage could really be saved, that there could really be trust again in their relationship, that forgive and forget would happen. And let's not forget he still has that young VP's card folded up in a safe place!
No, You Don't have to be a writer to comment, But*
No you don't have to be a writer to comment or have an opinion. But this guy writes the same comments all the time. I don't believe I've seen on positive comment from him. I think that makes him a wanna be literary critic. People like him almost caused me to quit writing, and did slow me down a lot. Some people have thicker skins than others and mine is about like an alligator now. But to a new writer or one with thin skin it can drive them away before they have a chance to fully develop their talent (if they have any) or quit on their own. I figure with all the crap I've taken , I'm entitled to vent.Remember the authors do not get paid! Their only reward is the fedback from the readers. so even if the story really sucks try to say at least one positive thing. That's something I've been trying to remember, but sometimes forget. Afterall we're all HUMAN! (I hope)
Rob Conners
Post Card from John
Nyaah - Nyaah! Nyaah - Nyaah! I fucked your wife, and she loved it! My dicks bigger than yours and she loved it! I made her cum 3 times and then she licked me clean. Having a wonderful time, wish she was here. Love John
Typical fine story by thecelt
You have to admit, your readers are certainly detail conscious. I gave up counting how many mentioned "the usual place" to prove wife was a repeat cheater. I liked your ending, but I thought husband was typical wronged husband whose ego would not let him forgive his wife. Keep up the good work.
60 year old George
Wow!
celt, this one sure stired up a hornets nest! It's no surpeise that your defenders are other writers, who would understand better? There is something wrong with the feel of chapter 2, the "feel" or emotion, I can't pin it down and that's probably why I'm not an author. That's my opinion. Of course opinions are like assholes, everyone has one and they all stink! Keep writing as you are still one of the best and I'll read anything you write.
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