by Scotty209
You need to go to a writing class of some sort. The writing is stiff and uninteresting. The idea is great, but you do not deliver the goods. Keep trying and you will get better.
Not bad for your first submission, but I can tell it needs a little more polishing. There is no real dialogue between the man or the woman. They have no names either and to me this is a turn off. Don't give up though, read others stories here and check out the writers resources baby. Then you can go from dull to superb. Anna
You finally took the nerve to post a story here. Yes, I can see that it could use some work. All you have to do is email me and I will try to help you.(hint) Then make sure the characters have names and that there is some dialogue between them. Then your story should do better. XOX