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English
Slow down
The rhythm in this poem is something to behold. Quite fast paced.
Would improve upon the language in the poem. It feels a little stale and needs less emphasis on the telling but more on the showing.
The poem is also too long, imho, and would benefit from a trim.
Not a bad effort
Mentioned in today's new poem reviews
Overall...
I liked it very much. But if I were you, I would try to do a little editing out of words like "and". Some could be done away with, and some can be substituted with another word.
Wow! I need a cold shower after reading this poem
Geez, it makes me wish I was your doctor. I wish I had gone to medical school instead of majoring in English.
Oh, when is your next appointment? I shall look forward to what happens, then.
Based on or inspired by?
Just in case, and let me get it out of the way ok? There is a song, which used to be quite popular in the 60’s its lyrics are very similar –not identical to this poem. I realize that the theme as it is is very ubiquitous; nevertheless, I had an instantaneous recognition. If winktwice have heard the song and was inspired by it it’s fine. The best thing to do in my opinion is to make a little comment saying that it was influenced or influenced by or inspired by X” Another option is that a secondary source have imitated that song and that secondary source inspired (knowing or not) with this poem. I am not alleging any wrong doing Just a word of advice as I mentioned above.
Btw, I don’t have yet the song’s name, but the memorable feature there was the strong Indian accent of the Doctor. Any one remembers?
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