All Comments on 'Theatre'

It appears that these are your first writings. I think you have some potential; but you do need to evolve.

Try to have paragraphs; not huge ones, but more than one sentence.

Refrain from using the subject's name repeatedly. If no new character's are introduced who might be confused with the established subject, he or she would be better than constant name repetition.

Take criticism and suggestions in stride and ignore those who only want to berate you.

Hope this is helpful commentary for you.

Keep writing and best of luck,

Jerry

Granted, you write a fantasy. But just because it captures your imagination it does not mean that it automatically works for every one. That’s one difference between writing for yourself and writing with other people reading you in mind. Think of the setting and try to minimize unnecessary unrealistic details. If you situate your fantasy in more or less realistic situation you have better chance to draw in the readers. <P>

For example: 1. I have yet to see a porn theatre which is not located in a separate area, distinct from the location of your family friendly theatre. Otherwise I don't see much prospects for the PG13 theatre…<P>

2. Not only women, but men too (yes, I have tried this experience - and would not recommend it...) want one thing - to be left alone in this kind of a theatre (if you get my drift). When you sit you know exactly that you are sitting yourself in quite some distance from every one else. <P>

3. How likely is it that without any word exchanged, surrounded by close to 100% men a woman will enjoy the creeping hand of someone rather than run off screaming? <P>

4. How likely is it that any woman would have unprotected sex with a stranger, unless she is not in her right mind? <P>

You can ask me to ignore all of that, but I could not. It just reads as anachronistic piece; like describing the streets of New York today with horses as the mode of transportation rather than cars. <P>

5. You might have been able to make the fantasy more credible if you allowed some interaction with the man before the woman got into the theatre or before the movie started. Then it would have been one step forward between two people who have just met, rather than a surprise sneak attack.

Good luck in the next submission.

In fantasy you must release some of your logic, to appreciate the story. I agree that the girl walking into a porno theater unintentionally is hard to believe, but once that premise has been made, I think the rest of the story flows well. The central character is in robot mode and out of control.

Good story

its a little bit funny, this feeling inside...la la la, u know the song? lol, anyway, nice quick read, hot, quick, rough and just right. thankee

"She suddenly realized that she'd walked into an adult theatre by mistake."

How does anyone - ANYONE - walk into an adult theatre by mistake?

good would have been better if she hadnt played with herself for so long or even at all