Going To Mary's: The Next Chapter

Lifes a bitch, and you are one!

Actually would have been better if she had told Dave his wife was banging black guys and introduced her to her lover. She has no feeling of remorse, only regret for losing her easy life, not working, and her husband and lover for sex. A pitiful waste of humanity, a worthless piece of trash. Like all trash it needs to be thrown away or burned. She had a good and faithful husband. How is it in all these stories, men, who are are men and faithful, work hard to support their families, marry such worthless pieces of trash? This one is screwing someone who if obviously screwing others, thereby she was putting herself and her husband, without his knowledge, in harms way for diseases and AIDS. Nowhere in the story is it mentioned she has to go every six weeks for a year or so to check for AIDS infection, why is that? Isnt she curious if she has committed suicide for sex?

as the man says

lifes a bitch then you die ...as for you and chet ..any one who would fuck a nigger deserves abso;utely nothing...i hope hubby does find out so he can get tested as any nigger would make me cringe ...if i had a wife who fucked a nigger there is no way i could fuck her behind him ..id rather fuck anything rather than a woman who has no beter respect for her self that to fuck one ,,id rather see her fuck a dog

good story

I thought it was a good story. What I cant seem to understand is how the other comments seem to for get it is a STORY and you cant get any STD's in a STORY.
Keep up the good work and taking time to post your stories and I will keep reading them, unfortunately so will the other morons.
Mike from Texas

Better

Improvement on first story, but that wasn't hard. Would rather have seen rest of blue dodge mini van.

who gives a shit about this awful story

This is like the 3rd or 4th time OHIO -- who is an excellent writer -- has redone a vile nasty wretched piece of shit JPB story. You can only make a pile of shit look so good. In this case I cannot figure out what or why OHIO re did this story... who cares? how is this a improvement over the Original?

The Husband is a immoral hedonist loser. He gets off on this THINKING his wife is fucking another woman THEN later when he decides that he wants in ... he uses the fact that he was cheated on as a way to get in on the action.

That sort of reasoning is bullshit. If he is shocked and outraged over the wifes actions and cannot also get off on it. Cheating is cheating... the fact that is was lesbian cheating does not make it OK... unless you are a idiot like JPB.

as for the wife...again who cares? WHY has OHIO Bothered to redo this story!?. She is a goddam whore in EVERY sense of the word. At one point on the story the wife says "Life is good".... Yet that attitude is based on:

1 fucking Chet...
2 lying to her hsuband about a lesbian affair
3 getting even sex out of it
3 which is a lie to cover up a a BIGGER lie....

That is NOT a sound way to have a "good Life".

I agree...

Although a fan, I must confess my disappointment that you tacked on a sequal of sorts to one of JPB's shorties in lieu of carrying on with your current tale, but then that seems to be very much in vogue amongst all the decent writers on Lit these days- the month plus long purgatory between the initial submission and the finale.

Some value.

Only thing I liked about this story is that it made me go review jpb's trash. That gave me a chance to give HIM another ZERO.

Puzzling 2

Who can argue with ohio's talent? Who can argue with the understood need to bring just plane bobie's story's into a humanistic form where men are actually men.

But we can argue that no one of rational mind should adopt his characters mindset as anywhere close to normal [IE. that lesbian fucking isn't cuckolding a husband - kinda like putting Lipstick on a 800 pound Pig - it's still ugly in body and mind].

So while somebody does need to elevate bobie's watching & other cock's cum eating wimps from their own HO - it should be done in good taste [ha]without the pig and lipstick.

Otherwise, this was a waste of talent and a lost respect due to the writer's apparent abnormal admiration for said pig and sty keeper.

Writer - your portfolio should be worth more than this tripe - your following deserves more don't you think - don't you?

Nice job

As a writer, I appreciate JPB's work because he narrowly defines the limits of a story and sticks to them. I may not agree with the setup but he renders it without letting the conception bleed into tangential shit.

I think this is an excellent job and shows how much discipline you've developed as a writer. Your natural bent toward the inner life of characters is more controlled and fits better into the story conception.

liked it

its almost as if JPB did wrote the story. ALMOST. the characters have not changed and reads like its the true continuation of the original.

Yeehaw

Like zed0 always says, "I love a happy ending."

Thanks so much

for finishing Bob's story. As usual it left us hanging and this was a great ending. Just made me smile. You're the best.

Hand in the jar

The stupid wife just got her hand caught in the jar she couldnt keep them out so she decides to go for it all and she got her hands slapped she made her bed now she can lye in it like she lied about her marriage being great.
Pat
Atlanta,Ga

I LOVE A Happy Ending

Okay, Okay! Al already said that. When the master of "Whorror" & Wimps goes to rewrite JPB, my heart filled with fear & trepidation. JPB's original ending although light & quirky, was vague/wimpy. I actually had never read it, until I followed Ohio's introduction, and then gave it a poor score for content. This ending far exceeded the original, and made me feel warm & fuzzy all over.

Not Sure

Not exactly sure why you would want to continue JPB's story. His characters are nearly always weak and morally corrupt, this submission is no exception. What I admire most about reading this is reading Harry's take on it. I bow to the head troll, he is almost always right on in his assessment of things. Thanks Harry. Ohio, try to get back to the blue mini-van story when you can, your writing with YOUR ideas is always better reading.

i had you as a writer on a level that you're not

this along with the other writer story is crap.the dumbest two married people in the world and the two writers about as bad.haven't you ohio got one of your stories you need to finish.clean your house before going to someone else home and cleaning up.

Good ending

Not every story has to be a 100-page novel. Sometimes concise works well, and this is one of those cases. Great to have a non-wimp husband portrayed - he obviously did the correct thing throwing her out on her ass.

Oh my!

what a great followup on the original story. almost seemed like i was reading JPB. i love it when i hear all the griping about JPB (and he must enjoy it also). they complain but they read it. i have many good things to say about JPB but this is really about you. you did a great job of taking JBP's story from the wife being the 'winner' to chapter 2 making her the 'loser', without changing the original storyline at all. very well done! have enjoyed all of your stories and i too am eagerly awaiting the continuation of 'Her Blue Dodge Minivan' thanks for your efforts. don

A Continuation

JPB's original story was nothing more than the rendering of a very clever idea expressed thru the wife of how to conceal an infidelity. He described the wife's thinking and went into a lot of detail as to how she carried out her plan. At the end of the story she seemed to have successfully accomplished her goal. She was not an admirable person but the story wasn't about her, it was about the plan she created.****

ohio has taken the same story and in a very humorous way has showed the truth of Robert Burns words 'The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry'. By the end of the story her plan is in tatters, her marriage is in divorce proceedings and she is in a diner earning pork and beans money. A very just ending considering her cavalier attitude towards marital fidelity.****

Both stories were limited in scope and both were very well done.

Good ending

for a woman who had no idea what marital fidelity meant.. She's finding out it could have been a much better life than she has now!

Why is it that everyone that takes one

of Bob's stories always does a much better job at it than him. Bob tries to enrage readers. You Ohio gave us releif.
Terri got her just desserts and Sam seemed to have found her out. Loved it ha ha ha ha ha

Why waste your time with ...

JPB's repetitive drivel when you could be giving us one of your own terrific stories? Ya know, the blue minivan? Phil

Did we read the same story?

I could see how many, in appreciating Ohio’s talent would feel that it could have been put to a better use by writing an original. But to give him a zero for what he did not write, rather than for what he did, seems rather extreme. We still have to judge each story on its own merit -one story at the time. Even the story on which this story was based is irrelevant to Ohio’s story. We are all inspired by numerous sources for whatever we do, in talking or in writing. So my suggestion for fairly assessing Ohio’s story we need to forget about JPB’s. Could it be a parody? Maybe, since it invokes JPB’s story. But by forgetting I mean that in judging the quality of Ohio’s story, only Ohio’s writing should be relevant. As far as the question: what does this story add, or what’s its point? I don’t think that anything is added to the wife’s character. In that respect Ohio recreated a JPB’s character in his own story – namely a cold; one dimension unchanging character which gives you the feeling of a walking and talking robot (when I read the original I felt again the unique chill I feel when I read JPB’s stories – the coldness of irreparably damaged people who play happy relations). As for the husband, he indeed was the semi – voyeur/semi wimpish (only per woman to woman sex) husband. And I can see why Harry and others were crying foul: we had that in the original. True, except for one major factor. The story shows, the sheer impracticality, the “doomness”; the futility of all the “brainy” plans, which are based on lies. For that, Ohio HAD to have an ultra cooperative husband, a very tolerant and of course not too sharp (he did not get the point that even same sex –if unknown to him, is still considered cheating.). That way he demonstrates that the wife’s plan crumbles ON IT’S OWN. Not only that, but that it would have happened one way or another (so many things are starting to fall apart). An important message in my book. That’s to me is the story’s main point. And so, even if you have the fairly numbed husband, who goes along unsuspecting and trusting, eventually the real fool is the one who foolishly assumes that she can control for all the future variables from now and to the horizon. And I bet Ohio just could not resist all the comic possibilities to demonstrate just that. Wify could not predict Ann Lander’s topic of the week, could she? Ironically she is the one who reads the clue about the ABC of what is cheating to her husband …HILARIOUS! Then comes the time to take the air out of her vanity regarding her imagined role in her friend’s life. Was she warned in advance? – Of course. Would she listen, of course not! Like all narcissists, who believe that they are special, therefore to them what ever bad could happen –will not happen, just because it’s them! The funniest of all was the “revaluation” in the worst timing (to the wife) of the basic fairness of her husband. It’s something that the wife could not see or imagine simply because she is just the opposite. She would just think of herself. The last blow, when she is exposed as a cheater coincides with her revelation how blind she was. But as in a tragic scene (only she is NOT a tragic hero…) it comes after she looses everything.
Over all, we have a demonstration of all the main faults of the typical cheaters exposed and brought to their internal contradiction one by one, all while using hilarious humor. Bits me what was here not to like.

Re: Did we read the same story?

I can only speak for myself. I did not vote on this story. I only vote when I can give a five, although I have violated my own rule by giving a couple of fours. Otherwise, I do not vote. I seldom vote except for a handful of authors who are consistently good. Kolkore, as you know, the percentage on the comments does not constitute voting. It's only a sense of the community, much like a non-binding ballot referendum. Your points about the story itself are reasonable and I take no issue with them. But why couldn't Ohio create his own story with at least one likeable character and stay away from JPB's stuff? It's like giving publicity to the cow spreading the most meadow muffins in the back forty. Phil

Bravo

Putting balls on JPB's characters is Ohio's mission on this site. Sam didn't need prove of her infidelity, b/c she reeked with guilt. Your eyes are sometimes opened with clarity by someone who's done you wrong. Anyway Ohio thanks, Luis

Oh! Come now

This was OK for what it was - a sort of continuation to a bad story.
Did you really suspend work on the 'Blue Minivan' to give us this??
Sheesh!!!!!!

Good Work

I am with Kolklore, chapter and verse,on this one. A fine ode to the futility of lying and cheating.

YA

YA,ANY IDIOT WOULD LIKE THIS STORY.

Whatever

Okay by the standards of of this site, but in real life the wife would have gotten a lawyer (at her husband's expense), and would have done fine in a divorce. The story wasn't very satisfying; the idiot husband never did find out what was really happening, and the friend's husband never found out that his wife had been screwing black men (even if it was before the marriage, sounds like he got "damaged goods" to me). I suggest you try writing stories with more intelligent, well-developed characters. For example, I think most husband's reaction to finding out that his wife was having a lesbian affair behind his back would be that she had been cheating on him, betraying him, by having an emotionally intimate relationship with another person. The details of the sex acts involved would be irrelevant.

two good ones

two good ones, ohio who when he writes makes every man an idiot and just plain bob as gay as they get, together they come up with two stupid stories.

I Thought She Was a Slut Before

But now she isn't even human. She deserves absolutely nothing. Why should I say this? Because she brought nothing to the wedding. She was a self centered bitch from the beginning of JPB's story and your story painted her in a worse light. Overall, it was a good story, but I tend to like happy endings. So this is not exactly my cup of tea...although come to think of it, it is a happy ending. He finally threw away the trash!

No more JPB

Please !!!!!!!! your so much of a good writer , why do you choose to rewrite alternatives to an author like JPB ? He stinks like nothing else can ! He is a fluff writer , for awhile there he was just crapping them out twice a day , and they all sucked ass . Most people see his name and skip right past it , for good reason . You , Slirpuf , PAPATOAD and DG-Hear are in a class by yourself , please dont lower the bar with bob , Old saying " you cant polish a turd "

ha ha ha silly whore die

Poetic justice

And almost everything the vicious bitch deserved - so condescending

damn she was clueless

Wait a moment!

I see the comments about his "whore" wife, but what about the husband? What is the world is admirable about him, huh?

The King is DEAD (JPB) Long live the King (Ohio)

Great job turning Just Plain Bobs piece of shit first chapter into a story. WELL DONE

Second that!

I second what Rephil said I can't stand most JPB stories although I know some of my favorite writers here love him. To each their own I guess. you do a great job turning his short and unfulfilling stories into something much more enjoyable!

Who say's you ca't make a silk purse out of a sow's ear. Wonderful job of taking a pile of BS and making it a great story

Too unrealistic.

For certain, when Sam insisted on a threesome with Mary, Terri would have terminated her affair if not before. Therefore, since the the story would not be possible, I could only rate it 3***.

I third it

racoon1157 and Rephil nialed JPB. I cant stand his stories. I laugh when some authers comment on another auther's god sotry saying its trash and they need to take lessons from JPB. JPB specializes in crap and tries to push a quote of terrible stories. Hint: just becuase he written thousands of stories does not make them good.

I applaud ohio for taking a poor stroy and making it good.

As for this story one thing you may consider is that the husband set a trap up of his own. How else was Mary there so fast? All that was needed for proof is Mary's testimony to prove adultery. She introduced Chet and provided for the aliby. Busted.

I can see how that small detail got overlooked by trying to correct JPB blunder.

John

Sorry,,,,, no score for this crap, it's just still to close to JPB's garbage.

good story

4 stars , plus one to have fixed JPB's crap.
U did a good teem !

Nice chapter to JPB's story

I dont knoe why guys bitch about Ohio being a reconcillaition at all cost writer. He seems to take it on a case by case basis.

Enjoyed it

Not really a resolution to JPBs story because it still leaves the reader hanging.

I agree

with drbeamer3333. Dave should have made Mary tell Sam what his wife had really been doing.

Damn

Not good enough. Sam should have caught his whore and her asshole lover together and beat him senseless and threw her in the street, where she was run over by an SUV and lived the rest of her life as a quadriplegic in pain. Yeah I like that.

betrayedbycocks

insatiable cocksmoker craves release in 1,000's of comments on fuck story board, swallows gobs of jism, cornhole open

Is That You?

Are you back? It's been a while. How ya doin'? Ya still sucking the cum out of your fathers ass? How wonderful. Do you still let the dog bugger your cornhole? Well okay then. Have a nice day.

consummated betrayal

devouring cuck tales like cocks, commenting copiously, swimming in semen, betrayedbycocks (after smoking them of course)

not enough pain

Just not enough pain for the wife in this story