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English
LOVED it!
more, more, more....and soon!
Oh no!
I was hoping for a hobbit. Maybe in your next story!
nice start
i love how this story is beginning, cant wait for the next chapter
It has potential if
you get an editor to clean up the glaring mistakes for you. Quite a number of wrong usage of words. Then your dialogues sometimes got mixed up with another character which, was very confusing. But I have to give you credit, you have a vivid imagination. I would liken you to Kresley Cole. She is now my most favorite paranormal author. So, do us readers and you a favor. Get an ED for your next chapter otherwise your rating will start to slide
Interesting use of language
I had a hard time following the story line, because there is no sort of break or other indication when you switch from one perspective to another, one scene to another. It all flows together, leaving the reader to figure out that a new character is talking now to the reader.
Out of curiosity, what is humbugs? As in: She loved the smell of humbugs and tobacco on his skin I've heard the term, "bah! humbug!" and I thought it could also refer to someone who was a phony. I've never thought of it in the context of having a smell.
Good
This is very good sofar. I hope that the rest will be better..
Hmmm.
I'm hoping your writing becomes more clear in the next chapter. This chapter was all over the place and description in the lamest term was limited. You need to plant a visualization in the readers mind so they know what is going on at all times.
Good try
Story was okay but I had to laugh when you used "aspirated" instead of "exasperated."
Aspirate is when one swallows food down the wrong pipe. Can also lead to lung infections and cause pneumonia.
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