This could have been a really good story, but it was just so rushed and there was not much of a build up though it started interesting enough and the sexual act itself or lack thereof was lacking umph. You should really consider rewriting this it could have been quite good.
by
Anonymous12/20/09
Just okay.
Ditto. I don't understand why you had the character give it up the first night. I don't understand why I don't know anything about the characters and whether they felt anything but lust. I don't know why we don't know anything about what happened to them after one night of sex. At this point, the only things we know about the guy are that he's built, likes big girls, can cook pretty well, and doesn't kick a woman out of bed after he's through having sex. The only things we know about her are that she's black, big, insecure and pretty good in the sack. Could you please re-work these characters and add some length? You had such a promising start that I'm terribly disappointed.
English
Uh okay...
This could have been a really good story, but it was just so rushed and there was not much of a build up though it started interesting enough and the sexual act itself or lack thereof was lacking umph. You should really consider rewriting this it could have been quite good.
Just okay.
Ditto. I don't understand why you had the character give it up the first night. I don't understand why I don't know anything about the characters and whether they felt anything but lust. I don't know why we don't know anything about what happened to them after one night of sex. At this point, the only things we know about the guy are that he's built, likes big girls, can cook pretty well, and doesn't kick a woman out of bed after he's through having sex. The only things we know about her are that she's black, big, insecure and pretty good in the sack. Could you please re-work these characters and add some length? You had such a promising start that I'm terribly disappointed.
Ummm...
Sadly, I agree.
Wow
This is a well written story. Thank You :>)
This is SHORT, Nuff said.
...
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Chocolate and Caramel or
More submissions by justboycrazy.