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Sandy Feet

byMissBonnieJo©
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by Anonymous

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by vampiredust04/01/07

Not bad

Mentioned in today's new poem reviews

Think about adding more concise detail and fresher imagery to enhance the experience for the reader.

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by WickedEve04/01/07

~

Dropping these two lines could help tighten up the poem: innocently carefree/images etched into my soul

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by LeBroz04/03/07

~~

Picking up on Eve's thoughts, I'm still not sure about excising that line in the final strophe, but I'd get rid of the final line in the 2nd strophe. "Innocently carefree," describes the previous 4 lines; it really doesn't add anything. The feeling of carefree innocence will be felt without calling attention to the fact. Coasting on that feeling into the final strophe better sets up the end.

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