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English
Editing
It's not a bad story, you have a lot of potential. I just wish you spent some time editing it before you submitted it. There were a lot of typos and it marred my overall opinion of the story.
Getting Interesting
It's getting good Molly... keep it coming, I love it.
You could have/should have combined the first two
chapters together to make one. The first ended to abruptly as you were just beginning to introduce us to your protagonist. The end of this chapter seemed a much better place to stop.
Seeing the misspellings and confusing sentence structure makes me think you are rushing; rushing in your writing, rushing to end chapters, just rushing with your story, even though you warn this will be a slow roller or something to that effect.
Take your time. Read and re-read your work, read it out so you can see how your sentences flow, and by all means: USE SPELLCHECK.
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