by AlexisDarling
Looks like you started rhyming then gave up on it — a small element that is glaringly obvious. Though the subject matter and direction of thought are sure to resonate well with anyone who's been there.
It was a little sad but I felt your pain. Any poem that makes me feel the writer, in meter or not, out of rhyme or not, is good enough for me.
I'd try taking out the rhyme and letting the words flow more like natural language.