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9 More Minutes

byDingus Guy©
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by Anonymous

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by champagne198204/15/07

I enjoyed

the rhythmic cycling of the theme throughout your poem. A couple of suggestions that may have made this poem more striking, for me, would have been to change the use of a numeral symbol; 9, to the word; nine and then, I'd have liked you to check your verb conjugation, nine minutes may be a single snooze period but when you write it as 9 minutes, you need to consider this a plural noun, you miss it a couple of times and as a result, your language seems childlike. Thankyou for offering your poem here. -- Carrie Champagne.

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by LeBroz04/15/07

~~

I finally swore off the snooze button — those extra few minutes achieved nothing. I was more concerned here with the length of this poem and the short choppy lines. Smooth the edges on this by lengthening lines and breaking it up into stanzas; could be much more appealing.

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