I like the basic idea for your story, but you could really use an editor. By the way, the stuff you make cookies with is dough, not doe. A doe is a female animal. Some attention to details like that could make an average story into an excellent one.
Dork Green, Doe, Swivel Charge....OMG I gave up reading it
by
Anonymous04/24/07
A Good Start
I like the characters. I'm a bit curious why its in this catagory when it would be suited for the Romance or Erotic Couplings catagory.
I like the story. My only advice would be to use your spell check or get an editor for the next chapter.
Nothing can kill a good story like bad spelling and punctuation.
by
Anonymous04/24/07
keep writing
Please keep writing. It is a wonderful story even with the errors. Just check spelling.
by
Anonymous04/24/07
Too Many Grammar Problems
The grammar, punctuation and spelling were such a distraction that I couldn't concentrate on the story.
by
Anonymous04/24/07
Spell checker won't help
I could have rated it higher, BUT you not only need a spell check but you need to know the definitions of the words you use. For instance, "doe" is a female deer, whereas, its homonym (sounds the same) "dough" is that from which you make cookies. I get the distinct impression that English may be your second language.
by
Anonymous06/12/07
More Please
More please I truly enjoyed this story so more about these two would be very very nice.
Something else...It was really nice.....should write more..carry on!
by
Anonymous02/03/09
shame
shame it was ruined by a writer that failed to get an editor to clean up all of his mistakes and tell him to put it in the proper catagory since there was no incest or taboo it does not belong here it needs to be removed and rewritten then put in the romance area
by
Anonymous09/19/11
delete
do us all a favor and delete all your stories and run them through a good edtior then repost them. this is nothing but a grade school first draft that NEVER should have been posted. SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND A LOT OF RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND ALWAYS USE A GOOD EDITOR AND USE THE PROPER CATAGORIES AND FINISH WHAT YOU START.
You do need to proof read and edit but the anonymous asshole is one hundred percent wrong. He should show some pride in what he has to say. We all know who he is and won't submit a story of his own so it's obvious to everyone that his Baloney does stink. I and everyone else just wished he would quit this site and leave us all to enjoy it with out his heavy hand.
by
Anonymous02/26/15
shocking spelling
for god sake, get it checked for spelling errors, they are all through this
by
Anonymous03/29/15
peteco is an ass
no one enjoyed this story but him. this writer needs to be banned for posting trash on the site, never ever post a first draft or a story that did not go through a GOOD editor. the only thing to do is delete this and have a GOOD editor rewrite it then repost it. if writer listen to kiss asses like peteco they will never improve and keep posting garbage. if writers listen to the bad comments ONLY they will either improve or stop writing both would be welcome this site does not need poor writers or kiss ass reviewers.
by
Anonymous03/29/15
the only person who neeeds banning is your dumb ass dear annony!!
you need to be banned and then put in a home for assholes. I'm sure your wife oh ex wife can tell you where tog!! Give it a 5
English
Needs work, but not too bad.
I like the basic idea for your story, but you could really use an editor. By the way, the stuff you make cookies with is dough, not doe. A doe is a female animal. Some attention to details like that could make an average story into an excellent one.
SPELL CHECKER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dork Green, Doe, Swivel Charge....OMG I gave up reading it
A Good Start
I like the characters. I'm a bit curious why its in this catagory when it would be suited for the Romance or Erotic Couplings catagory.
I like the story. My only advice would be to use your spell check or get an editor for the next chapter.
Nothing can kill a good story like bad spelling and punctuation.
keep writing
Please keep writing. It is a wonderful story even with the errors. Just check spelling.
Too Many Grammar Problems
The grammar, punctuation and spelling were such a distraction that I couldn't concentrate on the story.
Spell checker won't help
I could have rated it higher, BUT you not only need a spell check but you need to know the definitions of the words you use. For instance, "doe" is a female deer, whereas, its homonym (sounds the same) "dough" is that from which you make cookies. I get the distinct impression that English may be your second language.
More Please
More please I truly enjoyed this story so more about these two would be very very nice.
wow!
Something else...It was really nice.....should write more..carry on!
shame
shame it was ruined by a writer that failed to get an editor to clean up all of his mistakes and tell him to put it in the proper catagory since there was no incest or taboo it does not belong here it needs to be removed and rewritten then put in the romance area
delete
do us all a favor and delete all your stories and run them through a good edtior then repost them. this is nothing but a grade school first draft that NEVER should have been posted. SHOW SOME PRIDE IN YOUR WORK AND A LOT OF RESPECT FOR THE READERS AND ALWAYS USE A GOOD EDITOR AND USE THE PROPER CATAGORIES AND FINISH WHAT YOU START.
please disregard mean spirited anonymous
You do need to proof read and edit but the anonymous asshole is one hundred percent wrong. He should show some pride in what he has to say. We all know who he is and won't submit a story of his own so it's obvious to everyone that his Baloney does stink. I and everyone else just wished he would quit this site and leave us all to enjoy it with out his heavy hand.
shocking spelling
for god sake, get it checked for spelling errors, they are all through this
peteco is an ass
no one enjoyed this story but him. this writer needs to be banned for posting trash on the site, never ever post a first draft or a story that did not go through a GOOD editor. the only thing to do is delete this and have a GOOD editor rewrite it then repost it. if writer listen to kiss asses like peteco they will never improve and keep posting garbage. if writers listen to the bad comments ONLY they will either improve or stop writing both would be welcome this site does not need poor writers or kiss ass reviewers.
the only person who neeeds banning is your dumb ass dear annony!!
you need to be banned and then put in a home for assholes. I'm sure your wife oh ex wife can tell you where tog!! Give it a 5
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