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English
broke my heart
luv your poetry tristesse2
you are very talented, transported me back in time to my last broken heart
~
Your poem tells a wonderful story, but the poet in me wants to cut some words--just a little. Right or wrong, feels as though it needs to be tightened up more.
Now you know when I saw that title
I rushed right in to read your poem! :-)
It's strongly naarative and powerfully emotional; blusesy memories have a way of conveying that, don't they? The sax player made me think of Sonny Rollins, blowing on the Brooklyn Bridge. And the tenor sax is such a great metaphor for human suffering--I read somewhere that it's the instrument with a timbre closest to the human voice.
I think I'd like the ending better if it stopped with the song title ("What are You Doing the Rest of Your Like?"). That would be more ambiguous (and therefore interesting) to me. Great read though, Tess. We're sisters in jazz!
*
Tess, this is a strong, emotional and touching poem. I did get confused with the creating space lines and had to reread them .. but the ending stanzas are powerful and I really felt the pain of the write. Thank you for the journey
du lac
Well...
In my opinion, the topic is a little underwhelming. However, your execution was good. I especially admire your word choices.
~~
When you're in love but there's no one in your life, nothing rips into you like the blues. You've got the feeling down so perfectly here.
Brilliant!
Popped in for some poetry and so happy to see this!
thanks
~Syn
emotional
Blues aren't sad, they're just emotional. You can feel life in the sound of the sax. Terrie
I agree
with Eve, even though she is wicked and exposes herself far to little for me.
The build up doesn't equal the pay off.
" what are you doing the rest of your life?" is the heartbreaker, and from that point on the poem has you in it's teeth.
The beginning focuses more on external things, maybe add some of the internal things she is thinking and THEN bring in the song that will tie all those thoughts into one simple melody that plays, almost, on cue.
Wonderful idea and language
always happy to read your work
beautiful sadness
Necessary tears, necessary pain. Forced to look ahead, and within. Life goes on. Like the sentences beginning in the middle of some of the lines. Nice downtown setting.
butterscotch_
If I could only be half as poetic as you ... *sigh*
close to a readers heart
I think this is one of the easiest reads yet.
You make your point beautifully and with an ease that puts the reader right on the mark.
*****
I'm almost at a loss for words.
"He wouldn’t miss her."
I doubt that.
Five.
5ed
nice zigzag ending
BLUES IN THEMSELVES ARE MOURNFUL
coupled with a tragedy they become sorrow personified, TK U MLJ LV NV
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