All Comments on 'A Xmas Party Gone Bad.'

This is the stupidest story I've read this week...and it's only Tuesday. Congrats!

Your intro let me know what kind of story this is, slut wife, gang bang, cuckold husband, so I skiped it. If you write something different, I'll read it. Thanks for the warning.

...is almost infantile. Stick to your day job.

This wasn't bad for a first story. You can write, you just need to spend more time developing your story. Let the readers get to know your charectors. Also, it always helps to have a little more sex in the story ;)

One final point, you picked a hard category. I'm an author on this site and the few times I posted on "Loving Wife's" have been painful. You never please everyone, but in this category it seems that no matter what you do, somebody absolutely hates it.

Good luck and keep on writing!

JD

This is what erotic story telling is all about! I can't believe the clever way that you skirted around the sex, then concentrated on the ass kicking, career destroying tactics of a humiliated husband.

If this doesn't keep the semi literate, anonymous 'loving wives' story bashers happy, I don't know what will!

silly ranting,,, never went beyond silly nonsense ranting; it's not a "story"

Do your homework. Pay attention in class. You'll find when you get to high school you'll have to work even harder, but getting a diploma is important. In the meantime, forget about trying to write like an adult.

I can't believe anyone could write such rubbish!!

No dialogue, no character development, no sense of timing and no real story. Keep trying though, keep writing.

Great story. Keep up the good work. Dont listen to the ones who knock you. I wonder if they could produce a decent story like you....I guess not. You got the message across just fine. Hope to see more from you.

Doug Hemmway

No story development. The characters are ciphers. Author,work harderin constructing the story.

Company whore - deserved everything she got!

she got what she deserved...but it felt as if you rushed the whole story...no development at all...bad work...

good common senses and not a lot of talking about nothing.straight to the point and forget the jealous assholes.keep writing your stories your way.commentors are mad because you wouldn't be a cockold.

If this is your first story it is a good try, please keep writing. If it isn't, man, you need a lot of help...

I don´t give a damn about dialogue, or character development, nor sense of timing and/or real story. I Don´t give a damn about deserved punishment or not, or about what a 'real' man will do. I only found the story stupid.

You have a good idea for a story, it just needs a bit of development. Use the writer resources and consider working with an editor. Disregard the carping and keep on writing. Good luck. TTB

good try as a first story. as you can see you will never please all so please your self and keep getting better thanks for the effort.

Mike from Texas

Quote: Then he began to talk to me. I liked the way he talked. especially when he said words like millions.

Bahahaha! All that's missing is the husband becoming a Navy Seal or something....

I say, WTF?! There is barely a single properly-constructed sentence; punctuation is shit; and there are words that are simply incomprehensible in context.

In addition, there is nothing vaguely plausible about the plot, the characters are badly-drawn, and the whole thing just generally reeks.

Author: get an editor. Those who enjoyed it: develop some taste.

The story has potential. The prose is rat-a-tat-tat. There is no real rhythm, and no dialogue at all. <p><p>

Characters need to be developed and the plot lengthened. <p><p>

Learn grammer and sentance construction.<p><p>

Other than that, you might have something there!<p><p>

Cheers!

This appears to be your first story so I’ll give you a fifty for your effort. You need to develop dialogue and feelings in that dialogue. Everything happened without any back ground and that made it so unexciting and just a ramble of what happened.<p>Keep writing and use an editor next time. Good luck<p>PT

Badly written with prose that's difficult to read and at a pace that's painfully awkward. There's no rhythm to the storytelling, and apparently dialog isn't a literary device familiar to the author. Some time spent at the feet of Strunk and White would not hurt. Little time is spent on the characters, and we can only guess why they do what they do.

<P>

Bad fiction this is. Thank you for your effort.

The story this writer wanted to tell isn't a bad one. It's not a new one, there wasn't anything new or refreshing in this, but it wasn't a story that could not have been done again, and done well. However, this writer just doesn't have the education he needs to make a success at writing.

rapist make me angry, especially ones that seem to get off scott free. I see that I angered some of the wanta be rapist on the site. All I have to say to you is...tough tittie. I hate stories that seem to elevate rapist to some Godly position. They are slime and the people that enjoy reading about rape have some mental problems. To those of you, few I am sure, like me. This story was for you.

A good effort with a unique and interesting plot. The climax and ending was a nice touch. The writing could improve a little but overall not bad.

tossed together randomly. Is this the result of having all those monkeys sit at keyboards until something came out? Even the writer's comments on his own effort make no sense, but why would that be a surprise?

Your arrogant and insipid comment about 'pissing off the wannbe rapists' made me tell you the truth. No one knocked you because of the way your 'hero' acted, or the way the story turned out. You got creamed by the commentors because YOUR WRITING SKILLS SUCK. You have no ability to construct a coherent sentence or develop characters. For instance, what exactly is this supposed to mean:

'If her an I would just follow and make his beating a very public one, which I was sure all the emloyees would enjoy.'

Or how about this:

'A Stallings that I found it hard to believe that he was the same man came up and tried to act bad.'

And you are deluded enough to think that you are a talented writer, and all the criticism is because your brilliant writing pissed off wannabe rapists. By the way, you claim you wrote this story because you hate rapists. Um, where exactly are the rapists in this story? The secretary says quite clearly that the wife wasn't drugged or drunk and went of her own free will, laughing. So which rapists are you talking about? Do you even know what a rapist is? Face it, you can't write, so don't take it out on the literate people who point it out to you. The only people who liked this story are wannabe bad asses who all got screwed over by a woman but were too gutless to do anything about it. So they jerk off to ridiculous stories about slut newlyweds who do gang bangs and then become street whores. You suck, and you can't handle the fact that we know it.

What's a "tittie"? I know of titty, or titties in plural, but I have never heard of a tittie....XD

'Consukxxx':<p>The sentiments you express in your comments are admirable. I believe that few here favor rapists going unpunished.<p>However, your story is very poorly constructed. At times it is difficult to understand what you are telling us.<i>"I placed the tape on the floor. Jan came in and there was no tape."</i> Did that mean "Jan" picked up the tape or was there no tape there for her to pick up? Perhaps it would have also been better if we had learned of what was on the tape at the time your protagonist, "Tom," did. You indicate "Tom" knew of the material on the tape before you even have him receiving it. And why did "Kevin" even leave the tape? You leave your characters unexplored so we are ignorant of the "why" of their actions.<p>Grammatical errors abound in this story, and when coupled with a very irregular cadence, made for a very difficult read.<p>I'm assuming this is your first effort at writing a story. I commend you on making the effort. Should you choose to do so again, I suggest that you avail yourself of the services of an editor. Thanks for the effort.

I agree with your sentiments for writing my friend. You need a little "polishing", but a pretty good effort. I hope you write again.

do you have some anger issues that need to be worked out? ouch

I don't know why but I enjoy reading this type of story. I could never stay whit a wife that cheated on me. I liked your story because both the wife and lover got it in the end. Keep up the good work.

Much better plot than similar stories. I would suggest that you let your story sit for a week (not less than a couple of days) then read it, that way you will catch any grammatical errors, or at least a few of them. You might also try Literotica's free editorial staff, which is rumored to be very helpful, or a friend or lover. (I'm not trying to embarrass or upset you, just trying to help you improve on your good talent.) Please post more!

Rape is a crime, but the primary rape that I saw in this tale was the rape of the English language. What a turgid mess!

The language was so broken it made the simple understanding of each sentence seems like a guessing game. But that was not the worst part. I have not read so much gratuitous violence (flying teeth and broken jaw) and other tasteless descriptions (see the collection of seminal fluids with paper towel), not to mention the hazy sequencing; people seem to be waiting for the husband’s appearance just after having sex; the police does not touch him after he goes from one person to another as he goes and single handedly breaks body parts. At that point I forget about the reasons for this action and just realize how tasteless this all is.

Need more than just facts. Read some Madame Butterfly or DanielleKitten or The Wanderer stories to see what I mean.

I really liked this ending best. Rapist and blackmailers should not get off as they did in the original. I also fail to see what the retard who couldn't follow the story saw. He must have been blind. I think the person that said you have anger issues, has them himself. Bad spelling? I don't think the other comenters read the same story I did. I think, like you do, that you must have angered some of the sites readers that get their little penises hard to read about the high and mighty managers. Keep writing and pissing them off.

Grammar is your friend. Don't be afraid of it.

I liked the basic premise of the piece but I think you should really redo it and flesh it out moree and slow it down. As it is it read more like a summary than a full-on story. Good first work though, I look forward to more from you.

<p>The readers who crave vengence and violence at all costs in the Loving Wives genre are apparently willing to put up with any damn thing to get it.</p>

<p>This 'story' is written in the "I did this, then I did that, then I did the other thing, then she did this, then..." mode. Boring and barely literate.</p>

<p>I'm shocked, SHOCKED!! (in a Claude Raines way) about the reader responses to this story. There are actually a number of readers willing to go on record to say that they liked this pile of excrement. Of course, only one person with an actual name was willing to give this story a score above 50.</p>

<p>Particularly the gratuitous violence was offensive to me. Regardless of the fact that the boss did the dirty with his wife, I'm pretty sure that he would be charged with assault for beating him and his associates in the real world.</p>

<p>That's the bad stuff. Now for the the good stuff, IMHO. This writer is not hopeless. Some of the most criticized sentences are ones that I found to be well written or with definite promise. One reader commented negatively on the lines: "I placed the tape on the floor. Jan came in and there was no tape." To me that is good prose. Somehow I was able to make the connection that Jan had something to do with the strange disapperance of the tape. I guess I'm just smarter than that other guy.</p>

<p>There were other worthwhile sentences in the story but not enough to warrant a score. Just enough to say that there might be promise there. Get an editor. If you have a story to tell, think about the characters. Give them motivation, reasons for their actions. Consider the use of more (much more) dialogue.</p>

<p>Although this story itself was for the most part pretty offensive, the author has something he can build on, I think. One piece of advice I give to writers of erotica: use two hands to write the sex scenes. A well written story suddenly becomes goofy because the author is using one hand to type and one hand to moan (to paraphrase an old Helen Keller joke). With this author my advice would be: don't write angry. I get the distinct impression the writer was mad when he wrote this story. Such emotions can negatively effect the quality of the prose if not held in check. </p>

...to publish written work when you obviously received a 200 or lower on the verbal portion of the SATs. Totally unreadable for the myriad grammatical errors.

I really liked it, it hit VERY close to home, took going through hell to find my soulmate.

too bad too many assholes don't understand what you went through, I do!!!

poorly written

This is a very rough ouline for a potentially decent story. Since this theme is well worn, some new slant or focus would help, and of course better writing. Dialogue and scene description could also use a boost.

but I think for a first story its ok how about giving a writer a chance ? If we bash too harshly why would anyone write for us ?

This site is called Literotica as in Lterary Erotica.

What the hell is a story like this doing on this site?

This site is called Literotica as in Lterary Erotica.

What the hell is a story like this doing on this site?

It is more erotic than some of the cuck stuff launched her in LW and makes a whole lot more sense. If you dont like cheaters getting what comes to them, you need help.

How is this " A Loving wife story" dumbass? This is where husbands and wivies have fun, not split-up. Get a clue, dumbass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't we have enough mental asylums to keep them locked up???

This is just a story from a creative Author, which is more that can be said about you,you low life shithead!!!!!

Mr Ross.

Mr. Ross, killer(sort of) and a few anon understand what the writer is saying. IF ANY OF THE REST OF YOU JACK ASSES DON'T LIKE THEN FUCK OFF. Great story consukxxx keep on writing.

In the USA there are many problem, but I am envious for the USA from Hungary because there are:

1. You do not have to pay childrenbenefit for not DNA test proof children after divorce. In Hungary you must pay according to the family law !!!!!!!!!!

2. You can start law suit against the DNA father after you gew up the not DNA test proof children. In Hungary the family law does not know it!!!!!!!!!!!

3. You can start law suit against that company where your wife/husband infedility happened. In Hungary you can not start it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am envious.........

The author clearly has anger issues that comes out LOUD AND CLEAR in the story. I suspect he needs theraphy.

no suspicion, just fact

no suspicion, just fact

DWornock may be right. DEH

She was a whore and the writer hit it right on the head, whore and their pimps should do jail time. Nice story.

he went to the dentist for Bluetooth

good for the other. TK U MLJ LV NV

"5"

grammatical errors insured this story was simply for the enjoyment of the retarded.

The premise was interesting, but let's face it, this isn't really a story as much as just a collection of sentences. Keep trying.

this story was so incorherant that only a paranoid could make sense of it. i want a good story and i am not a would be rapist. fuck you!

I use more brain power scratching my behind than went into writing this, so called, story. I thought this was an adult site; clearly the person who wrote this can't be more than ten years old...

it hurts us

Good tale of betrayal and revenge. This tale equates how I view cheating wives and their lovers: A street walking whore and her pimp.

HA

This story was a good idea that was poorly executed. It needs more dialogue and depth. Readers want to experience emotion from the betrayer and the betrayed. we want to feel what the husband feels and what was going on in the head of the disloyal wife. It takes time and alot of thought to write a good story. Keep trying...

I think it is the perfect time to go take a nice big shit!

I wasted 5 minutes on reading this BULLSHIT.

This story needs a serious editor. Just too many mistakes.

Seriously a piece of garbage

You have potential but badly need an editor.

or maybe three!

2*. (I usually save 'ones' for deliberate insults! ...

but this tale was tempting for a one-bomb.)

Even though I read fast that still wasn't worth the time spent.

1*

like a WinterFrog story - only not as good.

to get it as a carry-over is twice as nice. TK U MLJ LV NV

Even in short 'hops' within Europe (assuming Hubby was travelling from someplace like Athens to London) planes fly ABOVE most storms (otherwise, they fly AROUND the storms!) They do NOT drop into the storm to land in Berlin! (Very unsafe to land in a storm!)

Who gives a shit? This is a stroke story for closet cuckolds, nothing about it is remotely closet to anything that happens outside a fantasy-land dreamed-up by a virgin with a neckbeard in his mommy's basement.

Plainly stated, it's the poorest kind of shyte

At last a story about thoroughly screwing an unfaithful wife and her "dates". I loved it.

Don't get your panties in a twist! This story is fantasy fiction boy did you all bite hook line and sinker. The story is good! Shock and Awe factor Tops. Love you all! Bye. Greg. Oh 9stars = 90 %. Bye.

He went to a "friend" who told him she did this whenever she was mad at him?

So why didn't the "friend" ever tell him?

Wow.

Utter bullshit, of course. But you know that.

This was obviously a purposefully ridiculous story showing the absolute opposite of the submissive sissified cuck.

Cor, I bet you got their panties in a right twist with this story.

Maybe should have been in humour because it is so over the top.

Still well done making fun of the castrated cuck stories.

What bulshit. Now this was bad.

This is now officially the worst story I've ever read on this site. If the writer had taken a few more minutes to consider and expound on the story, he could have made something of it.

I didn't know that Marvel Comic book hero's were in this story! The hulk lives!! LOL what a load of crap this story is! Did the author finish grade 5? I'm wondering....also has no knowledge about how a business is run or anything much about life! Meets a woman in Europe and just know she will be a faithful wife. He should have used that magical power on his marriage. Also why would anyone put the tape at his door. So they could incriminate themselves...this guy is in la la land. Gave it a 1 and that is tooooo much!

I mean, yeah, sure - I'm all about men keeping even with their exes and moving on to better lives and such, but man... how about some better writing?

Dude walked into an office and start beating up every assholes that happened to have gangbang his new wife. With such a synopsie, you would think I would have like it more. And yet...

And yet it sucked.

hope there'd be more of this kind of story . . this one gets a 5+ from me

a fat cock smoked, a cornhole buggered, betrayed!

This is a 5 - (year old's version of a fairytale) Good god! Should there be a section entitled Masochism for 'writers' who want to demean themselves with such gibberish?

Corny as Kansas In August ( South Pacific Movie ) I get the impression that this Story is B.T.B. In your Face take that Bitch! But the last Paragraph "She ended up being a Prostitute" Oh come on ! Don't you know that 99% of women in an office offer their pussies as payment rendered for advancement! So there is no difference! Thanks for sharing this Fantastic Story with us! ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

Reads like a set of compiled notes.

A little over the top, but I like bitches burned and bastards beaten. This has plenty of that.

You honestly should be checked for this. Pity revenge for all the men who aren’t really men who feel betrayed by women? That’s erotic and fantasy? Sicko

Lack of edit did throw me a few times

I don't like to play the Grammar Police. But you made SO many mistakes it was hard to read and understand what you were trying to say. Badly done.

...story with very little to recommend it. It is a trite and hackneyed theme with no originality visible. It wasted 15 minutes of my time. I wont bother with this writer again. One star

1 star - no comment

No clue what u were trying to write…or even if u were trying to write something intelligible ….But nice to know that u were a one and done wonder!