All Comments on 'A Beginner's Guide to Dominating her'

by Master_n_Mentor

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  • 79 Comments
GaeaWindsingerGaeaWindsingeralmost 17 years ago
Super How to...

Enjoyed it very much.... now to get my husband to read it. Been trying for years but he just shuts down when I mention any of this type of love making. Maybe I can fake him into reading it. Never give up .... Never Surrender.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
thank you!

Thanks so much for this, my husband's been sent the link...

;)

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Garbage

I hope anyone who feels themselves sliding into an emotional toilet where this crap begins to make sense finds a good psychologist for some long term therapy.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
got my interest

not into BDSM, but what you suggest is informative. may not make it as a way of life( for me and my spouse ), but doesnt hurt to experiment some.

WiskeyWenchWiskeyWenchalmost 17 years ago
Simply Wonderful

Every bit of this info is right on target. I cant wait for my master to get home.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
this a great beginning how-to

thank you for writing it

Maharat

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Wonderful How To

I enjoyed reading this and I know my boyfriend will too. Thank you very much.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
A lovely beginning

This is great for beginners, and very much what worked for me. It was great of you to take the time to write it all down. Don't worry about the dingbat who thinks it's garbage. After all, consent means that it doesn't really have to be for him, does it?

Emerald_DragonEmerald_Dragonalmost 17 years ago
Interesting

I can't say that I am much excited by the lifestyle but it was nice to read a how-to of sorts so I can use it to translate into some of the stories I've read. Thanks

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Well said

My girl and I, who are in a very committed relationship, have tried a few sessions of BDSM, but we never felt very good at it, even though we found it enjoyable. You've put into words ideas and concepts that I conceived of in my own head, but was never sure enough about to try, or to stick with. Seeing it in writing, you've opened up that part of my mind to all those little things that make such a scene possible. Bless you brother.

northbaybearnorthbaybearalmost 17 years ago
Quite good. Recommended

A commendable job of explaining the act of dominating a woman. Glad you emphasized safe, sane and consensual, taking charge of the woman's behavior (including her orgasm). Add that trust is an important pre-D/s and during the 'action' component to happy, hot, liberating and ecstatic play. Prefer to see recommendations of quality reading about D/s: The Loving Dominant, The New Topping Book, The New Bottoming Book; Screw the Roses, Give Me the Thorns; and SM101. Consider reading well-written D/s fiction, which include anthologies edited by Alison Tyler, Violet Blue (the San Francisco Chronicle weekly sex columnist), and others. Thanks for some great information.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
You are not a Master and are a novice

This is BS times 10 as you do not even understand the English language to express terms in BDSM using "pain" for one as a definition. All you have done is perpetuated myth and involved some dopes into thinking they should try Master and dom.

You are a novice and an imitation who explained nothing more than a male and female lame fucking like teenagers.

It takes years of discipline in everything from Christianity to common sense intuition to even be a Dom or a Master. You are a pretender and your posters are all juvenile sexual creatures that BDSM will chew up and spit out, because someone like you will screw them up emotionally, sexually and mentally.

You should be sued for malpractice.

dweaver999dweaver999almost 17 years ago
Very cool

This was a good batch of ideas about starting up for two novices. I don't understand what the negative posters are complaining about, but I have a suspicion that they are 'purists' who think that if it's not done their way, then it's not right. To use anonymous' own example, yes it takes time and experiance to become a good Christian, but there are dozens of radically different, equally valid forms of Christianity. So it is with BDSM. Some like painful stimulation, some don't. Some like bondage, some don't. Some like roleplaying games, some don't. Some like humiliation... will you get the idea. God forbid thay we're all alike! The best part of your post is the totally non-threatening start you give people. Too much, too fast will scare people off.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
How The Weak Can Handle Their Insecurities

If one must use pain or if someone needs pain for sexual release then there is a serious disconnect from the healthy norm and life's realities.<P>

Or stated another way - for the abnormal to be accepted as the norm, then there is no normal norm or basic foundation for a relationship of equals or a partnership of any value.<P>

For simplicity, lets equate a marriage to a business - each has a contract and an understanding - an expectation for fair and equal care, treatment and reasonable sharing.<P>

If your boss is into pain for his excitement then if it meant your continuance as a partner in the contracted relationship you might be inclined to provide it to him for the status quo - your job so to speak. <P>

Even if you can tolerate it short term with a safe word there is an unavoidable sense of humiliation which indicates an unequal status - an avoiding of the contract so to speak that can wear on any normal person. Refusal of the partners [bosses] wants can breed non-security for each as each is non-compliant to the others wishes either at the beginning or later.<P>

Pain or its refusal can warp either from their known traits so the other begins to question why the change from the prior known and comfortable position - the very reason why they joined together is put in compromise in a very harmful painful manner - kind of like swinging. There never is an equal interest or trust which breeds distrust and lack of respect [as does pain].<P>

So when a person [the writer]advocates then mentions his girl [not wife] it is because who would marry anyone into the administration or receipt of pain as the basis for their sexual releases. Marriage is about the intended avoidance of pain - not seeking it or delivering it.<P>

The very intention of a safe word implies an escalation of acceptance of pain to the breaking point - why would anyone want to go there with someone they truly cared about - or wanted to protect from the very harm they intend to administer><P>

This is like a bad dream when you find out that the one you trust wants to hurt you or the one you want to shelter from pain wants you to hurt them. How sick is that? How short term is that in any sense of true reality?<P>

Goofy and harmful preaching writer. Say writer how about you submit to pain from us for a year by contract - we promise to care for you through all the pain you can tolerate sissy.<P>

How sad that you may influence a few poor sheep into the dissolution of their relationship and / or marriage to sell your selfish sordid perverted needs.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
The comments below tend to separate the sickos----

From the wierdos--

MJOMJOalmost 17 years ago
Good explanation of the philosophy

My wife and I have been involved in the lifestyle or scene if you prefer for 20+ years now. This is one of the better explanations of the whys of BDSM. Why we do it and what we are trying to accomplish. The techniques you can debate endlessly (how many angels can dance on the head of a pin?) but what BDSM is and why to engage in the activity is explained here better than in most books. Thank you.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Very good

as someone who has been in the lifestlye for a while now i found it a very good start for new people and for those who do not understand what it is all about well everyone has there own fetishes and i never judge what others are into as long as it is SSC.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
I didn't realize...

Although I have enjoyed being tied up occasionally, and love being spanked...I didn't realize that this article would be such a turn-on. I'm forwarding it to my boyfriend. It may inspire some fun new games... Thank you!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
THANX!!

As someone finally in a relationship where I feel comfortable expressing my submissiveness, I think this will help make my partner more confident and comfortable as well! I especially appreciate the SSC part, not because I worry about him taking advantage, but because it will reinforce his concern for me.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
hawt

This is the how-to that had me fanning myself. I'd follow you anywhere!

starrkersstarrkersalmost 17 years ago
A plain English explanation

This was a very clear description of the mental process behind BDSM. Easy to follow and totally made sense. Now I'm intrigued...

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
WOW!!!

Just sent your instructions to my hubby... THANKS! :)

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Amazing

We absolutely loved this post. I believe you hit the nail on the head when describing my fears of becoming Dominant but as my wife says you have also described the womans point of view very well. We are very new to this and weren't sure if we were heading in the right direction, but after reading your post we feel that we are right on track and we enjoy it so much. We look forward to more posts .

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
As someone who is curious.

I am intresting in this style of play, but am afraid that my man would think that I was "weird" for wanting to be "used" like this. I am going to send him this and hope that he will use your advice on his next visit to see me.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Thanks

I've always wanted to be more dominant. I'm very sub myself and I think this will help me.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Thank you from horny, submissive wanna-be

I have recently experienced a re-awakening of my sexuality and realized that I am a submissive. I'm married to the nicest guy in the world who kind of gives a nervous giggle as I have been making suggestions to him about what I want. I think it is confusing to him, this change that I have experienced, but am confident that he'll get on board. I am sending this to him tonight in the hopes that it helps him understand and let his guard down. Thank you for this terrific piece!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 16 years ago
Thank you from me and my Dominate

Thank you very much for writing this article, me and my Dominate just started in a Dom and Sub relationship. We've been friends for a while and have had feelings for one another and happened to find out we both had a similar interest in BDSM and decided to give it a go. This article has helped us alot and we both appreciate it greatly.

twiggy_the_spidertwiggy_the_spideralmost 16 years ago
sweet

that was a really practical and sweet introduction to dominating a woman, I sure wish the first guy I submitted to had read it.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 16 years ago
can't wait

my boyfriend and i were always interested in exploring BDSM.i was wet halfway through the guide. i sent a text to my man so that he could read it... i know we will be doing this real soon. thank you.

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
i have been exploring...

what i want in life,for several years now.it has been a struggle for me.these essay's have helped me to realize that this is the sort of person i am deep inside. these essays have helped me see that maybe it is alright to feel as i do. i pray that oneday a good man will come into my life and he will appreciate the woman i am.i pray that together we can have a sane,consensual and safe committment with each other.thanks for your willingness to share your experiences with those of us that are seeking knowledge.peace.

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
i'm interuiged

i've been interested in this for alittle bit and have always been alittle passive in my pursuit of pleasure with and for my partner i think this might help thanks

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
OMG...

I've been trying to address this with my husband for 17 years. I attempted it when we first got together with complete failure. But, after reading this, I printed it out & highlighted the parts I really like and wrote short comments (like 'OMG!' & I chose a safe-word & wrote it by that paragraph) by the particularly good ones. Then, last night (after having a few drinks for bravery!), I asked him to read it. I printed it, folded it, and put it in a business-sized envelope with his name on it. I asked that he go into the other room to read it and lock the door so the kids wouldn't interupt him. I was (as alwasy) embarrased to approach this subject. After coming out of that room, he came and cuddled up to me and said it turned him on so much to read that. We had the most amazing sex. While he's just starting out as a dom (and it's completely against his personality & the way he treats me as his wife), he was able to instruct me in pleasuring him so many ways that he's never done before! It wasn't perfect, but it was so huge and such a start for us! Thank you so much! I've now printed your spanking guide and hope that is next!! You have changed our lives & our marriage. Thank you soo very much!!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
Very Helpful

I am going to try dominating with my girlfriend and another girl this weekend, that was very helpful thanks!

OralOrchidOralOrchidalmost 15 years ago
Dead On.

Loved it. I was a discouraged after reading some posts in the forum stating that if a guy isn't a Dom he'll never be one. I am that guy who doesn't want to take away my wife's freedom, but of course I want to be in control. Your article made me realise that it is OK to take control in the bedroom and why she desires that. Also, alot of the things you described are things we are already doing, I just get to take more control over what happens and when. It's going to be a lot of fun!! Thank you for explaining things so well.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 15 years ago
Very Helpful

My wife and I have been married over 24 years. We have been trying a few new things with each other to deepen our relationship and have fun. SHe has commented about this and letting go of the control. She is a self professed control freak and this is a way she can let go. It shows an enormous amount of trust in me for her to do this. We have only tried this twice but it is getting better. It has been me who wasn't into it at first for the reasons spelled out in the article but I am beginnning to like the idea because it isn't just about me but about us! Thanks again.

Eric_ShiftEric_Shiftover 14 years ago
This is the first time I've really understood

I thought all this BDSM stuff was about pain, humilliation, degradation, selfishness. You my friend have explained it in clear consise terms. Thank you for clearing up my missconceptions.

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
ill have to try this

i've recently lost the interest of my girlfriend, when we first started dating the sex was fantastic, i brought her to orgasm 5 times in one night, 4 times the first time I ever had sex and 6 times once while we were camping, we've cum together more times than i should remember but all of a sudden something happened, we don't make love anymore. im starting to think i understand what iv been doing wrong in our relationship and the opening of your post really helped, she seems to "want" to be dominated but wont give up control because i dont know what im doing, she is my first, ever. ive fooled around with girls and got head before but never had sex untill now.

she lets me tie her up and wants to be choked but she doesn't like foreplay or being teased, it literally frustrates her, she said she would let me drip wax on her the other day but nothing came of it, now a days we rarely have sex and when we do its nothing like it used to be, she tells me shes not sexual and that she had it ruined when she was younger so its not important to her, but its important to me, very important, at no point in my day do i feel such intimacy or joy as when i get to see that look on her face that shows she can feel nothing but pleasure coursing through her body, i don't see that anymore. i don't know if its me, my technique my smell or my attitude, i think she is worn out by her day, she works very hard and puts in a 14 hour day on mondays and currently works a 7 day week, so rightly so, shes exhuasted, meanwhile im going out of my mind trying to figure out how to please her, being chivilrous i let her take the lead, i ask where she wants to eat so she can have what she wants, ask what she wants to do so she wont be bored, what movie she wants to watch, im learning to make the decision and take her where i want to go, or where i think she would like without asking, sadly though even after we have the best day and an amazing evening, she still doesn't want sex, i cant even touch her sexually or rest my hand over her pubis without her pulling my hands away, i love her, and it worries me to the core, she senses this and responds with insecurity.

I've just decided to make no more sexual advances and tell her where were going instead of asking her approval all the time, while i dont think its the right move, il be going through with it for a while. i tend to make snap decisions that are usually harsh and over reactive so i dont know any other way to go about this, last time she made a sexual advance i just rolled over and ignored it and she was so crushed i could feel it, i actually felt smug untill i realized what i fucking retard i was for thinking that was a good idea, and i immediately rolled over and hugged her and comforted her till she slept.

i need help and she wont tell me what to do, i know she loves me but i tend to think i do nothing for her sexually anymore, and all i need to do is fix something so that things will be better, 2 months ago i lost my job because we were making love in the morning and i got to work a half hour late. now we don't even have sex, she told me recently the only reason we had sex the way we did at first was she wanted my first time to be enjoyable and now that iv had my fun she doesn't want to do it anymore, self esteem crushed. I'm not going to move on but i cant help but worry about a relationship with no intimacy what soever, she doesn't even like kissing.

i know its all me, im convinced im the source of all our problems but i don't even know where to begin, im just going to start doing simple things like showering every day and trimming my pubes, eating healthier and coming up with something fun to do before we get together, treat every date like a first date and enjoy her company like i did the first night.

i enjoy doing these things anyways i just started slipping recently and its time to get back into it, having her kiss me the way she used to when i would drop her off in the morning would mean the world to me and id do anything to experience that again.

sorry if this is an inappropriate comment to a post i just started typing after reading that and completely opened up.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
about 4 years ago

This is a wonderful article the only problem is its a few years to late, I really wish that i would have read this article about 4-5 years ago, it would have made my life so much smoother.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago

I loved it!!! You really know what you're doing!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 14 years ago

Holy crap, that was really, really good. I, and my girlfriend, thank you profusely.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Awesome!!!!

Thank you so very much for this Sir I am certain my husband will make great use of this knowledge.

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
awesome

hey great job describing how the mindset is really important and taking it slow. this article was a great starting point for me and my guy. I also like how you explain the reasons why certain positions and actions are done. :-)

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Very Thoughtful and Intelligent

Thank you for a first-rate introduction to a subject in which my wife-to-be has a very deep interest. Your advice as to the deliberately patient attitude and consensual approach is much more important that the details of technique, which each couple must negotiate and discover for themselves. You've done a great service, and I plan to read everything else you've written in hopes of similar insights, based on your experiences.

Rehvenge4Rehvenge4over 13 years ago
finally, rational advice.

i have been interested in submission for some time, but have had difficulty finding any articles or written advice that focused on the aspect of trust. most information, i've found, is about obsession and loss of identity, and that's not what i want, or what i personally think submission should ever be about. thanks for a compassionate and patient dom perspective!

imgameimgameover 13 years ago
Excellent

Became a registered member solely so I could leave feedback for this article. This is a subject for which I have increasing interest in and this by far has been the most enlightening info that I've come across. You've clearly put a lot of thought into how best to explain and did a fantastic job. Thank you!

rosamundirosamundialmost 13 years ago
Excellent advice - YOUR gaze is the DESIRED sexual gaze...

As women, we are so often subjected to the undesired and unconsented to gaze (or worse actual assault or battery) at work, on the street, on the train, in ads and weight loss advice and scary crime shows and a host of other sources. It needn't even be sexual or gendered to be wearing, a vicious remark by an office mate or cranky toddler is just as stressful.

Your emphasis of that joyfully sought lust filled gaze (and touch) is key to topping in a way that will make a submissive partner shiver with delight. And when it is gendered, I think it very much recaptures the intensity of our early sexual experiences, where boys are taught that touching and even looking is always wrong, and girls are told that wanting to attract or bestow either is wrong. And trans and gay and genderqueer kids are just told that they ARE wrong.

The giddy experience of granting total sexual access and consent to a trustworthy, treasured, adored and lusted-after partner in a rape culture where we are in actual danger of unfettered real predators cannot be overstated.

My husband feels like he won some sort of sexual lottery since I came out at sexually submissive about a dozen years into our relationship. And so do I. :)

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago

Great piece as a relatively new dominate this helped give me some assurance that was on the right path and ideas of where I need to be better.

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
Dead on!!!!

I thought this was wonderful. I'm a switch and this is dead on! Men, listen to this, it's completely correct.I enjoyed this posting and will keep it as a reference for my partner.

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago

This is awesome advice- my wife and I have been going in this direction but don't know how to get over those same cultural barriers you reference in the post. It's a great explanation and I can't wait to try this... tonight!

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago
Very helpful

I am far more into controlling than being controlled - and for a long time would never let any one tie me up, but with my wonderful lover of 2 years we have explored many things.... And we are starting to explore him being dominant.

It is very interesting what you wrote about control and having the freedom to give up control - or perhaps it is more accurate to say give over control.

I think it is a kind of letting go of having to think and decide and just letting yourself be in the moment.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Very Insightful Information

This is an excellent resource for beginners

woman1968woman1968over 11 years ago
Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

Master_n_Mentor,

I would just like to say thanks for putting this information out there... for someone who has always likes...kink, for lack of a better word right now, in their sex life... this is something I can take to my Man and hopfully he will understand more of what I need.

I would also like to say that I find the information you wrote to be very sensual and loving... not what some people would view as a possibility in BDSM. I have read erotic novels with BDSM lifestyles and have found the authors to be very knowledgable, either thorugh personal experience or through discussing with someone who has experience... it is nice to know that there are many ways of bringing BDSM into your life...

Thanks again,

woman1968

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Splendid!

Thank you for a terrific resource.

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Great

Still new to this but found it very helpful thank you

AnonymousAnonymousover 11 years ago
Excellent

I introduced this subject to my husband, as I am wanting to submit to him for several reasons. One, it is something I have always kept in the back of my mind wanting to try, and two, I love pleasing my husband and feel now it is time to perhaps try this next level. We have been together for 20 years, and married for 14. Our sex life had taken on a new life and I completely trust him with my safety, and my body.

When I approached him, he was open to it, but said he didn't know where to start. I think I found it in this blog, so a huge THANK YOU.

Your scene example is an amazing first place to start I believe.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 11 years ago
Extremely well written!!!

Thank you, Thank you, Thank You!!!

This gave me insight to my wife's thought process. Considering I am female and she is transgender, I'd call that a major success for you, Master_n_Mentor!!! I was easily able to substitute gender where necessary, which is the key component to an excellent guide regarding sex! Even though she's explained these exact things to me before, seeing them written out, helped everything click for me! You very well may have saved my marriage.... :)

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
Beginner sub (in my 60s!)

I'm a woman in her 60s who's had many straight relationships before, but am now involved with a magnificent Dom male who's teaching me so many new things, in the ways you've described. I realise, reading what you've said, how he's getting everything right and how he's found what I've craved all my life but never got in the intense, but uncontrolling, way you've described. I'm so grateful to people like you who are willing to share mentoring in a straightforward way for people like me, who've always known what they wanted, but never found the person who could fulfil their desires. I am so glad I'm getting it right, too - giving up control over one's body, after for so long being told that we women should control everything about ourselves, is utterly liberating. Thank you for your wonderful reassurance.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
That works

If you want a divorce. Demean, degrade, abuse and humiliate your wife. The perfect guide to how to earn your divorce. Just plain idiotic.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 11 years ago
very informative

I found a female I was in love with in school and dated n thru the yrs I still do even tho we lived our on lives. A cpl yrs back we reconnected n have become a cpl. She has a stressful job long hours n takes great pride on it along is a take charge mother coworker n mybe friend but she informed me she wanted to be a sub n we're still trying to figure out our boundaries. I've been the dom before but she was into things that you've not mention n I'm glad you pointed out the fact they live such demanding social n career roles our way to releive stress is to be my servant sub. Its their beer to a Guy after a lng day at work. I'm still learning so thnx but saying that don't forget communication is a great key as well as safely pleasing both the roles ty n I look forward to reading more.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
amazing

Absolutely brilliant. I'm a women and I feel that I would do anything for a guy how would be able to do this to me. I crave it so much.

ticklechambersticklechambersover 10 years ago
Wishing

I wish every man could know how to do this :)

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
Beautiful words.

Thank you for writing this!

Throughout my 11 years of relationship/engagement/marriage to the same man, I've wanted for the blissful exchange of power you described. As a woman in charge of her household, at night I crave nothing more than relinquishing control to the one I trust the most. Hopefully the values written in your beginner's guide will be an eventual part of my life.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
brilliant

Thanks so much for this really helpful and will be showing my husband for sure! He is unsure about this new venture but is open to trying it out we have dabbled in bits and bobs but he is worried about hurting me. We are going very slowly as I dont want to over whelm him and it takes time but I have to say things have already improved in our sex life because for the first time ever we are actually talking about it who knew!! I cant wait until the day comes that we do this ;)

MikessubMikessubabout 10 years ago
Thank You!!!

Showing my husband.

jimliteroticajimliteroticaalmost 10 years ago
My wife wanted me to be a dominant husband

Thanks

AnonymousAnonymousover 9 years ago
Thank you so muck

My wife came so hard she couldn't stop shaking. I've been doing it wrong until now

AnonymousAnonymousabout 9 years ago
going to try this

I've read this twice and I'm going to try this with my fiancée.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 9 years ago
There's so much wrong here

BDSM has been part of my life for nearly 25 years. What I see here is a lot of nonsense, written by someone who doesn't know much, if anything, about real life BDSM.

The author claims that "The foundation of BDSM is "Safe, Sane and Consensual"". That simply is not true. The foundation of BDSM is informed and active consent. SSC is a slogan that originated in the gay community during the early days of HIV/AIDS. Many real life practitioners of BDSM do not refer to SSC in any way. Many of us refer to RACK, Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Some refer to PRICK, Personal Responsibility in Informed Consensual Kink.

The author claims "it MUST be SAFE". BDSM is not "safe". There are risks inherent in every aspect of BDSM. Being "safe" means being aware of the risks and doing what can be done to mitigate them. That's why people who know this lifestyle refer to Risk Awareness and Personal Responsibility. The point about avoiding any kind of intoxication while engaging in BDSM is the only really valid part of this essay.

Overall, this is nothing more than a mediocre guide to very basic kinky sex. It has virtually nothing to do with real life BDSM. Do yourself a favour and seek out better advice than this if you're going to pursue BDSM activities. There are many options available to you, including your local BDSM community (and there's one of those in every part of North America and most of the rest of the world). There's also a very large social network intended specifically for kinky people.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Great Article

My girlfriend likes role-play and being spanked - I've never been into it much before but like the play and want to be sure I get it right - that's why I searched for this info. Is there a similar piece for her on being submissive?

Thanks

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago

Excellent information . Vary good explanation of what the power exchange is and how she takes pleasure in your pleasure with and of her . Done properly she is not giving up but released freed from the stress and distraction of making decisions and worry is this right or do i looking fat silly...Make it clear you are captivated by her beauty sexiness etc. She is the center of your world and you are in control because you must process her make her yours completely.

ValentynaValentynaover 6 years ago

Really good explanation and some interesting ideas to start off with!

Although the piece was really well written and informative, stylistically I'd just like to suggest that your use of brackets could be better - try to only use one type (square or round, not a mixture) and don't use them when it's not necessary. Otherwise, the writing is really clear and easy to read.

Thanks very much!

jjrocker4449jjrocker4449over 6 years ago
Thank you

Very informative...I am taking notes in preparation for a first scene, so very helpful. Thanks very much!

AnonymousAnonymousabout 6 years ago
Okay, but not what I was hoping it would be

Writings, suggestions, and how-tos about topping are excellent and wonderful. But what I wish I could find is more explanations of lifestyle Domination and submission. My boyfriend thinks it's essentially a reiteration of a parent/child dynamic and I just wish I could find something that discussed the difference more clearly, you know?

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 6 years ago

Thank you for this! I love my fiance, but he is hesitant to have a BDSM relationship. This article's examination of the psychology behind the fun will be a useful introduction for him when he's ready.

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Amazing :)

Exactly what I crave

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
Just exactly what I needed, thank you.

My wife is the kind of woman I always wanted. So beautiful, easy going yet firm and head strong. She knows who she is, what she likes and doesn't like, her preferences and all. She's also pretty cold towards things she's not interested in. Her love language is gifting and service so I end up getting a lot of gifts and boy do I enjoy her cooking and the way she takes care of me. My love language on the other hand is touch. I love to touch her and to feel her, and holding her by the waist next to me with her upper body tucked under my shoulder is the best feeling ever.

Unfortunately for me, I haven't been able to fully be on Top sexually. She has asked me before on several occasions, to take her and make her mine, to basically ravage her and take my pleasure from her my own way. But silly me, I just didn't know how to do it. I am used to making sure I have given her utmost pleasure, while receiving from her what she gives me. Until now, after reading this, I have the idea of "taking" pleasure from her and showing her how to give it to me and also dictating when she cum. I always just focus on getting her to cum, as many times as she can handle.

I will surely be trying out your suggestions and all your guidelines. Thank you very much.

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
Wife dom - husband sub

It is such a stereotypical mindset of men and even women to put a blanket cover that ALL men want to dominate and ALL wives wish to be subs. Its really annoying to not get even a single well written story even on this massively diverse site! Anyway, many men wish to give up control to trusting partners and for once not shoulder the responsibility to arouse themselves and their partners and single-handedly drive sex guided by their partner's comfort. Thankfully, many men are waking up to their need to just not do everything in sex for once and just let their partner take over, provided they have trust and love, and both know the intricacies of how dom works even if sub if desirable. I guess women in healthy relationships love being loved and caressed and pleasured disproportionately than men so much that often they don't even think of reverting it back to their male partners and making them feel loved, caressed and pleasured in various ways. It has become a habit or a given that men ought to give pleasure to women and women to receive it, is pleasurable for sure, which is why many women wish to go for sub and persuade their partners to play dom and know both their limits. But, ladies, it is good to spice up things and try being adventurous and start taking charge and lead pleasure for themselves and their partner. No man can ever resist a woman trying to love and pleasure them in unexpected ways and emotional surprise is the key, even though physical aspect could only be varied so much. Probably why married men lose interest sexually in their partners and seek adventure outside where they recieve that surprise and adventure and unexpected pleasure from other women - this is sad but women and men need to try different roles, instead of man always being dom and woman always a sub, try man sub-woman dom, try the wife taking charge and caressing her husband, making it pleasurable for him.

Humans love being pleasured physically and mentally irrespective of gender, and we all love being at the receiving end of it, just lying there and let the other person take disproportionate efforts to pleasure us, but men like being pleasured, lose control, not shouldering responsibility in this aspect many a times and wives need to understand this basic need of their husbands/boyfriends as well. Partners should talk it out for an adventure, probably the woman might not agree or she may feel awkward not knowing how to proceed or drive the pleasure for her man since it is not talked about much, BUT give her time and once she gets to know what works for her man, she will drive him crazy with pleasure, making it heavenly for him and if the wife likes it or discovers this aspect about herself, great, if she doesn't like it but her partner does, she should try it sometimes for his pleasure's sake.

Whatever the years of marriage and however boring the relationship may have become, this role reversal will surely spice it up and make it new all over again since it will be a new field for both the partners and it will make one feel like teens again who are discovering sexuality during initial years.

If someone has link to female dom-male sub essay/writeup similar to this and not fiction story, do pass it on. I tried reading the writeup from female dom-male sub perspective, somethings fit, somethings don't.

AnonymousAnonymousover 1 year ago

Thank you. Very helpful. From female perspective, it's comforting to know what should be acceptable in dom/sub play.

JacksnothereJacksnothereabout 1 year ago

I have some experience as a Dom.. but it's been a while.. and I recently have taken a kitten.. she requires moderation to prevent harm as she wants to have her "sub experience" very intense and as soon as possible. This was a great reminder for me to moderate and teach her that the scene doesn't require a rapid pace and immediate pain.. that it can be a gradual build up and moderated to a point where actions are safe and non-harming. I enjoyed this read very much and thank you for writing this up. We have spoken about writing up a rough and general scenario of how we met, a chronology if you will, about the crazy chemistry we seem to have and the age play, as we are definitely found ourselves in a May-September heavy kink situationship. I personally can't even fathom how we met, how it all took off, and how important we both feel about each other; and neither can she. Neither of us was actively looking for a relationship; let alone a heavy kink laden adventure. Your article will contribute to our growth in our play. Thank you again.

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Born in Argentina, Educated in the US as a Mechanical Engineer, re-introduced into the lifestyle by My lovely wife. I aspire to write professionally, and to share My thoughts and learn from the thought of others. Here's my blog https://erotica-writer.com/ The day we stop be...