All Comments on 'The Fourth Wife Ch. 02'

by RealDoc

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  • 116 Comments
thebulletthebulletalmost 17 years ago
listened to your critics too much

<p>Mea Culpa: I was one who stated that chapter one of this story was too, too long. I stick by that complaint. But RealDoc seems to have taken the criticsm to heart and completely reversed the process in chapter 2.</p>

<p>This read like a synopsis of a story rather that the story itself. "First I did this, then I did that, then I did the other, then i did..."

There was no character development, no emotional involvement. It was all cut and dried, which really detracted from what could have been an emotinally rewarding denoument. </p>

<p>Keep at it, RealDoc. You have stories to tell, which is more than can be said for the majority of writers on this site. This story came from an entirely new persepective and had the makings of a truly great read if it were approached differently. One only learns to write by writing, so don't be discouraged by negative comments. I've seen many writers develop their skills on this and other sites. The most important thing you already have: something to say.</p>

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Oh my! Oh my! Oh my!

I have to give you a 50% for realism, but I also gave you a 5 for the satisfaction I received from Susan's punishment. I agree that chapter 1 was way too long and could have been shortened considerably, but what the hell. I didn't have anything else to do.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
A tad too violent

I hated this heroine, she was too vicious and stupid for words. But for my taste, this story was too violent. Chapter 1 dragged on a bit, but I was looking forward to the resolution to this story, whether it were in the form of vengeance or not, but man, this one went forward at 100 miles an hour to the point that I thought that I was watching a brutal action movie. This second part of the story should have been longer. And you gave us a VERY short epilogue where you tried to tie all the plot holes and post-vengeance details in a nice little bow. Here, you told us in a few sentences what had happened - you could have shown us instead. We know the wife lived alone and never remarried and we know that he kept that odious penis for 10 years, then sent it to his wife. Holy crap, did this man ever get over this affair? Did he ever date again, meet someone who he could love again? Because holding for TEN years the penis of his wife's lover is a sad epitah.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
What a asshole

Kill the one geek that had helped you just to tie a loose end?

Maybe the hero needs a visit from the avenging angel of death.

Harryin VAHarryin VAalmost 17 years ago
GREAT story but it was way too short

I cant believe folks are complaining about the level of violene from the husband.

Great story well written characters are very consistent and well developed.

More stories from you ..Please

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
No doubt who lost the most, Susan.

She lost the large cock she wanted with no real ethics or morality. She lost the degree and fame she sought for her egotistical self. She lost the marriage she cared nothing for. And she shamed her mother by her actions and raised an illegitimate child (a bastard by definition). The husband was rid of trash, has a life, and removed a man who was himself worthless from raising more worthless children. In all a very good story of how adultery by a wife can be handled with skill and money.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
ladies and gentlemen welcome to the real world

the husband did what had to be done.a little slow about cutting the bastards dick off,but just right.he let the wife off easy.she was a selfish whore who was about herself and what was good for her.who want someone knowing they killed someone over their head for life.i think the divorce rate would go down if this happen enough times.thanks,i like your story and keep writing good common sense stories.people will finally get it,that wrongs have to pay.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Not Well Done

I got to the first bit of dialogue and it was so bad, I stopped reading. I just moved to this section and voted. If you're going to write a story as opposed to erotica, Real, you've got to pay attention to such things. Beyond that, what I did read was incredibly implausible. Keep trying, but think your way through the plot before starting to write.

bruce22bruce22almost 17 years ago
A little rushed----

and still without effective dialogue. Your plotting is

fine but none of your characters are very lovable! They

obey the rules without shilly-shallying and only the wife had a shadow of a doubt!

Keep writing please!

bruce22bruce22almost 17 years ago
A little rushed----

and still without effective dialogue. Your plotting is

fine but none of your characters are very lovable! They

obey the rules without shilly-shallying and only the wife had a shadow of a doubt!

Keep writing please!

DesertPirateDesertPiratealmost 17 years ago
Good Revenge

I really liked the revenge on both Henry and Susan. He was an animal and not in need of being treated like a man. She lost everything as was deserved. It's amazing how many schools (most) would react the same way, they cater to the dollar just like any business. The suit against the school was the nicest touch. A worthy effort!

Risq_001Risq_001almost 17 years ago
I guess I'm in the minority here but...........

<p>I just didn't like it</p>

<p>Let me explain why a second..........</p>

<p>When I was first married, some of the guys I used to hang out with and I used to go out of town two hours away and visit a bud of ours who was going to college in a near by college that was two hours away from where I used to live. We would go up on friday afternoon, hang out some, visit, and on Sunday morning would come home. And no I didn't hang out with any ladies. I was a newlywed and could have caredless what they did. Now one time we left and my wife kissed me goodbye and when I got home Sunday she had a nice bruise on the side of her face. She said she tripped while cleaning and got it. Why the story you ask? Well it seems that everyone who saw her felt I was "abusing her" and asked her why she put up with me hitting her. Even some of the moron's I was with asked me if I was hitting her. What I had to <i>remind</i> them was I was with them and since I didn't drive up how would I have found time to sneak away for "4 hours" (2 up and 2 back) to abuse her and use them for an alibi.</p>

<p>My point with my story</p>

<p>Most "people" are <i>sensitive</i> to women being abused. Some times to the point of acusing first and asking questions later. But in your first story you had the husband hitting her so hard that days later, when they met at a diner, she was still sporting her bruise he gave her when he found out she was pregnant with another man's child and <i><b>no one</b></i> seemed concerned with it. No one like her lawyer, the waitress, no one that saw them. Speaking from experience that is a little hard to swallow</p>

<p>Second, to me the revenge was so over the top it was like a run away car with no brakes going down an ice covered hill. I agree, and even liked, that he got them to refuse her PhD. That he got the board so rattled and scared they reprimanded everyone who "approved" her thesis. That the board went after the grant she was given, and even got the book publisher to back away from the deal</p>

<p>Those were classic and for me well done</p>

<p>But to go a step further and "castrate" the other man and hang his <i>testicles</i> around his neck, after leaving with his penis to use as a continued revenge tool later against his now "ex-wife", say what? His wife went into that life knowing what she was going. Henry was only acting the way he did "every" day. He didn't make a special case for Susan, according to the story she went "seeking" this life to write a paper on it. Yet Ethan went after Henry like Henry staked out his wife, seduced her, and then impregnanted her. Susan went to Henry knowing this was going to happen, and it did. But when is "castration" ever seen as a good thing? Specially in a culture that we don't agree with?</p>

<p>No for me the revenge was so over the top that I just couldn't get behind any more of the story. Both when he was slapping around his wife (and apprently no one seemed to notice or care he did) and later when he castrated Henry for sleeping with his wife. To me this story was like having your kid poke a dog with a stick, having the dog bite your kid, and then you get out a gun and shooting the dog for biting your kid. </p>

<p>Screwing with Susan for screwing up their life was one thing, going after the man with such viciousness, when she walked into that life willingly, was over the top given what went seeking</p>

-Risq

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
God how I love a tale of revenge.

The revenge wasn't against the weak minded almost retarded wife, Susan, but against Henry. A man...no make that creature,

who is the ultimate control freak. A type of individual that I hate with a burning passion. I especially hate religious control freaks. To see this one get what he deserved was wonderful. However, you could write the story of his downfall. I know I would enjoy reading that. Thanks again for all you work on a great story.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
great

if all assholes who seduced anothers wife had this happen....i still dont think the wife sufferedd enough ...but maybe im in the minority ....henry i wouldnt even have left him an inch ...hubby was generous

PhilipinNorcalPhilipinNorcalalmost 17 years ago
I love consequences, but...

find revenge acceptable only when it is depicted as realistic and is deserved.<p>'Doc':<p>At the end of the story you ask who I, as the reader, believe has the lost the most. Well, "Henry" certainly lost a lot, but my answer is "Ethan." Apparently he's lost his mind. "Sane" would not be a word used to describe what you had him do.<p>'Doc,' after reading the first chapter, even with its interminable length, I thought there was at least a germ of good story in your submission. I was wrong. Oh, I thought your revenge on "Susan" in this chapter was apt and deserved. It was also intelligent. But the rest of your revenge was clearly an effort to pimp your story.<p>Perhaps I might have missed it, or perhaps misread it, but tell me, is there anywhere in this story that has "Henry" putting a gun to "Susan's" head and forcing her to join his little collective? She chose this all on her own, as apparently so did the other three wives. Nowhere did you intimate that he used any subterfuge in acquiring his wives. "Susan" elected to join him, he didn't seek her out. As with 'Risq's' analogy, to punish a dog for being a dog is absurd. So you felt "Henry" should be shorn of his genitals for his being himself. Perhaps you should have had "Ethan" engage in a "search and destroy" mission (after all, "Ethan's brother described this as a "war") for "Henry's" parents. In overseeing his upbringing, I'm sure they had some influence on how he came to be. Why let them off the hook? I'm sure "Ethan" with his fertile imagination on revenge could have cooked up something for them as well. Hey, their genes are responsible for his being so big. I mean, if ridiculousness is what you're after, when not take it all the way. As to the collateral damage, perhaps you could explain in a future chapter how the other three wives were deserving of their fates. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe this is the life they each chose but is now threatened. <p>'Doc,' the dialog was too preachy and repetitive for me. And, as others have opined, "Susan" was little more than brain dead in her actions, and in her expectations of what effect they would have on "Ethan." Your descriptions of "Ethan's" brothers indicates that his entire family was unbalanced.<p>'Doc,' all that being said, your idea wasn't bad. The situation you depicted was interesting and not seen much here. Your execution was wanting. I hope you'll continue. I think you're good enough that you don't have to resort to a revenge that amounts to pandering.

daluentdaluentalmost 17 years ago
over the top?

If this had been me he would have been buried in a nice isolated spot. Child rapist do not deserve to walk on this planet. Fuck this crazy wife. This asshole Henry and people like him should be get rid of immediately. If you think what he did is over the top you must braindead. Luis

gatorhermitgatorhermitalmost 17 years ago
Interesting Revenge

I really liked (1) Susan losing her degree and book deal and (2) impersonating divine justice upon Henry. I disagree that with the comments that the revenge on Henry was too much - he willingly and knowingly took another man's wife away from him and impregnated her - Henry deserved completely to end up where he ended up. My only criticisms are (1) in Ch 01 he should not have hit Susan, and (2) there as a bit too much verbage in the build-up.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Too short and dry

The first part of this story was too long, but had emotion. I figured you were an academic type based on the writing style. You took the criticisms too much to heart. You got rid of all the emotions that made the first part good. The first part was at least a little believeable. In the second part, you "jumped the shark" with the revenge. You just went too far and carried it to unbelievable extremes. I like your stories. Keep writing. Try and find the middle ground between the pedantics of an academician and the dryness of a newspaper article.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
2/3 could have been cut

and nothing major would have been missed, as the story was a SUMMARY anyway.... it's freakin' tedious to scroll through lines and lines and lines of repetitive nonsense that had little or nothing do with with NOTHING. no wonder Susan took a retard as a "lover:" this guy is a complete loser; more than that, he's fuckin' boring. But, no, he's wrong: the idiot is a heinously violent little retard. he's pissed because some guy who's already with two wives was still able to fuck and imprengate his slut of a wife while he bitches and moans about her and Henry and all other. <p>

a complete loser, this husband character.

LustHoseLustHosealmost 17 years ago
Interesting premise, flawed execution....

The issue of polygamy by the fringe of the LDS church as a social and legal phenomena has received considerable attention based upon the lurid rumors in the media as well as the recent HBO series "Big Love". It is not a "normal" lifestyle by any stretch of the imagination and has many negative social and legal consequences.

Susan was clearly unbalanced and her actions indefensible. The University would have NO business supporting her "research"; fundamental to credible research is objectivity. In this instance, there was none; nobody in that institution could or should have condoned this "research". This demonstrates that "you can be educated and still be stupid."

Is it "rape" if you deliberately put yourself into a "compromising" position, knowing the proclivities of the perpetrator? Issues of consent aside, she should have understood that if you play with fire, you get burnt.

I feel that the stories were jumbled and rushed especially episode number 2. A three or four part story might have made more sense and allowed for some measured development of character.

In no way was the induced demise of the co-conspirator justifiable. It wasn't really clear if the protagonist meant for the geek to die but it leaves a bad taste.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Finally, someone with balls....

I love the revenge taken. Finally a story worth reading. I've just about given up with all these wimpy cuckolded husbands!!

HarryHaversackersHarryHaversackersalmost 17 years ago
Too, too, too

Too over the top. As much as I like a good tale of revenge, this was just too much.

Too wordy. Dragged out to the point where much of it was boring.

Too poorly written - more misused words and bad grammar than is acceptable.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Winner - Ethan?

In Part 1 you introduce some puzzling pieces which do not fit together. If Susan was mentally ill Ethan should have had her examined before going on a rampage. Why didn't Ethan try to get in touch with his wife over the 2 month period when he could not contact her? Why didn't he have his brothers look into Susan's disapperance? Susan was trapped and she knew that no one was going to save her for months. She was Henry's captive and slave. So it is not unheard of for the captive to go along with the keeper. Lastly, Ethan comes off as a wimp for putting up with the lies, bad behavior and lack of communication from Susan for 5 months!

__________________________________________________________

In Part 2, Ethan the wimp becomes Ethan the Avenger. Needless to say, Ethan's revenge turns him into a modern day version of Henry (after his castration). It takes two to tango. Susan had told him that Henry had seduced her away from him. Assuming Susan made the choice to be with Henry freely their marriage was doomed from the beginning. In a way Henry won by planting his child in Susan and breaking up their marriage. Susan won by winning the approval of her peers for her research results and living her life the way she wanted to live it (like her mother)._______________________________________________

The only clear loser was Ethan who took extraordinary risks to maim her real husband, risking prison and the loss of his livelihood and holding on to a hate for 10 years. What a price to be able to move on with his life! Ethan never knew Susan nor did he try to get to know her and her past.

If the roles of Ethan and Henry were reversed where Ethan had rescued Susan from an oppressive society but Henry had castrated him you would have the beginnings for a true love story between Susan and Ethan.___________________________

SleeplessinMD

KOLKOREKOLKOREalmost 17 years ago
What a metamorphosis!

From a dim witted wimp to the likes of a hardened Aztec Warrior! And from endless repetitious and snail paced narrative to almost a staccato of action! I just wish you could get motivated to edit the first part of the story and cut the unnecessary parts in a similar manner… I mean, in any way you find fit Oh, avenging free spirit, and I would worship your writing forever!

Or maybe I rushed a bit. We still have the little problem of seemingly having two different stories with two different - unrelated to each other personality wise -main chracters, and two different generes. I would say you have to control for consistency. I guess once you do that - THEN I will worship you writing forever. Still impressive improvement for this chapter alone.

Alvaron53Alvaron53almost 17 years ago
Badly done

This story is a boring tale of mutilation by an unconvicted felon. Who wants to read stories about criminals planning and executing sadistic torture and maiming? I don't. It's certainly not erotic; if you find such tidings erotic, may I suggest that you seek professional help at your earliest convenience?

<P>

The author's prose is dull and slow though there were some moments of comedic relief. I particularly enjoyed "<I>gluteus maximums</I>"; I thought it described the writing quite well. The story lacks any sort of pacing, droning on drily and unemotionally. The droll delivery torpedoed any narrative drive, and I found myself wondering how long this chapter would be. Thankfully, it was short.

<P>

There was a plot but it was absurdly simplistic, nothing more than the "hero" taking down the bad guy and then riding off into the sunset. Yawn. I did have to chuckle at the "war planning" scene with the brother. That was right out of a very bad action movie, the kind that go directly to video.

<P>

Having been associated with a large academic institution for much of my life, I can affirm that suing a major university isn't something you do at the drop of hat, particularly if they are a state-supported institution. The reason is simple: not only do these institutions have formidable legal staffs of their own, they can also call upon the state Attorney General's office for legal assistance. Even if you win your lawsuit, you lose because it will literally take years to settle the dispute. Ethan better be a multi-millionaire because the lawyers are going to get rich. The idea that Ethan "wins" his "case" in a few short weeks is a joke and tells me that the author didn't do his homework. I was deposed as a potential witness in two different lawsuits involving the university where I was employed. One case was settled out of court three months after I was interviewed. The other lawsuit was dismissed by the judge after a preliminary hearing. Neither case was resolved overnight.

peggytwittypeggytwittyalmost 17 years ago
Violent ending of a different story line

I agree fully with “thebullet” and his comments. There are some other very good comments that are given in a civil way, with good explanations of why the reader found the story not totally to their liking. You should keep writing but a little more dialogue with emotion would be a good thing. I do believe this was a little too over the top.<p>Please keep writing and thanks for your effort.<p>PT

KublaiKhanIIIKublaiKhanIIIalmost 17 years ago
Second time I noted Alvaron's insightful comments

First of all, most slightly intelligent people all agree the story is simple rubbish. Ms. Mormon and Mr. Mormon (all ex communicated by the LDS Church of course) are just retards who yearn to live like Brigham Young and Joseph Smith and other retards (I have a sister who graduated from BYU and it is a fine school in the science fields where they let real MD's and PhD's teach; but the founders of the Church were still total complete nuts)...<p>

Second, the guy who gave us this story (not necessarily the author, although it could be he!, not him but he!), as Alvaron or someone below said, IS A UNCAUGHT FELON; he cut another's dick, a man with a dick whom this wacko's wife rather fucked with, even if the guy already had 2 other wives? <p>

Third, the CAST is full of retards: <p>

Susan; Susna's mom; Henry; the women Henry married; Ethan the violent retard and his brother and their families. <p>

If Susan or Henry the polygamist had two more brain cells, they would have had Jeffery Dalmer inspired Ethan caught by the law no more than a few months after Henry's castration. Marrying many women may violate some state law; but castrating someone else for fucking a full grown woman, married or not, retard or not ---- especially one who SEEMED to choose the "rapist" over her violently retard husband --- that's a rather severe crime punishable by long prison term... <p>

Last but most important: as Alvaron of someone else observed: it is TOTAL NONSENSE for some retard to hire some retarded lawyers to make demands on a major research university. Whether the university publish or NOT publish some stupid socalled research (book, paper, scientific experiment, etc.) is UP TO THE UVIVERSITY's relevant faculty and publishing entities ----- some violent retard loser like Ethan hiring some idiotic lawyer for a few thousands, for a few days worth of hours .... and that's supposed to scare the university from NOT publishing the little retard woman's book/research? <p>

That, to me, was the BIGGEST laugh of the whole "story"! LOL

Risq_001Risq_001almost 17 years ago
Alvaron, while we agree about the story, are you..

<p>...sure you read enough of the story to make the ending comment you did?</p>

<p>I say that because of what you said here:</p>

<p>..snip</p>

<p><i> The idea that Ethan "wins" his "case" in a few short weeks is a joke and tells me that the author didn't do his homework.</i></p>

<p>snip..</p>

<p>But this is what was said in the story:</p>

<p><i>His first letter to the President of the University, with copies to every member of the Board of Trustees got <b>immediate attention.</b> A twenty million dollar lawsuit was something to be avoided. The return letter from the President indicated that Susan's degree was not yet granted. The Board of Trustees and he had not given final approval. <b>I instructed</b> my lawyer to notify the president that the <b>only way to avoid a lawsuit</b> and <b>the ensuing publicity</b> was to have Susan's research rejected in totality. The decision to revoke her thesis and it's research basis had to be final; that meant it could not be subject to review. I had to be totally satisfied. There would be no compromise on my part.</p>

<p>It was less than two weeks that my lawyer received a copy of a Board of Trustees resolution that had passed unanimously. The resolution directed the president to correct the findings of the department of Social Sciences, reprimand the people involved in approving her research and deny approval of her Degree. There was an additional stipulation, something in legal terms about "with prejudice". My lawyer said that term was unnecessary but meant that she could not use any her research again for academic purposes.</i></p>

<p>Where does it say he won a lawsuit in <i>two weeks</i>?!?!? I don't see that. I see where he asking them to settle out of court <i>or</i> he would sue, and since he said that the "board" met and discussed the matter of the lawsuit and whether grant her degree doesn't say he won a lawsuit, but that once the board saw what he was sueing about was so appalled they cancelled her degree, which is what the lawsuit was asking.</p>

<p>Are you trying to suggest that if someone gets a suit about something being done wrong, and the complaint in the suit say if you correct the problem we won't sue, that it takes "months" to agree to cancel the suit if you basically <b>agree</b> with the grounds of the suit? Even if you can make it go away by voting your concious? Alvaron I think you missed some of the story here if you did like I normally do and skim over parts you don't like. ;)</p>

<p>It doesn't take much reasearch to say "they agreed with me and did what I asked" does? It's like saying everyone that sign's the RIAA's complaint (read blackmail) where they send out a letter that reads "Pay us several thousand dollars or be sued" never happens and no one gets these letter. It happens all the time and some people settle ASAP to make the suit go away as fast as they can. This was set up to be a similar suit. And yes this could happen the way he suggested, unless the university fights it out of spite, and spite alone, regardless if they agree with the grounds of the suit.</p>

-Risq

nicinicialmost 17 years ago
Unrealistic at Best

I’m sorry but you need to research your material a bit better.

<p>

There are only very few conditions where a male member of the radical LDS sect would take, as a wife, a woman who has known another man.

<p>

Also, though most females are “forced” into marriage at the ages of 14 and 15, incest is a sin punishable by beheading… if the Mormon scripture is taken literally.

<p>

That this sect needs to be obliterated from existence is beyond question. They are evil.

<p>

Secondly, your Susan was obviously suffering from a trauma related psychosis and brainwashing. Both your hero and the sociology board of her school would, or should have, seen this in an instant.

<p>

Also, this radical sect of the LDS church is not new, and has been intensely studied by whole groups of psychologists, social psychologist and criminal psychologists/pathologists for years. There are specially trained psychologists within communities, police forces (local, state and federal) and even within the LDS church itself, in areas where this sect has settled. Therefore, no university would grant any such study by a single person (male or female) into any such related matter, unless this person was directly associated with such a taskforce.

<p>

Technically, your story dragged. It was a narrative style of story writing and even the best of writers have troubles making this narrative style flow enough to keep their reader’s interest.

<p>

Simply put, a fantasy revenge story, which did nothing to realistically inform people over the dangers of association with this very evil sect.

Nicholls9Nicholls9almost 17 years ago
Loved it!

Sure there were problems with the story, but I was rooting for Ethan all the way. The storytelling is stilted. And how could Ethan get in that close when the community is so closed and Henry's brother is the sheriff? The revenge is great, though.

zed0zed0almost 17 years ago
Exquisite Revenge

I am moved to tears by such a beautiful ending. Thank-you for keeping it short(er) & sweet.

Harryin VAHarryin VAalmost 17 years ago
SEE why NICI hated it? a man defended himself

Nici is a serious fucking nut case

<br></br>

Her focus in this story on technical aspects of the Mormons (a.k.a the MORONS) while missing the actual issues I think proves to all what a whacko she is

nicinicialmost 17 years ago
Harry Run Out of Prozac Again?

Harry… Harry

<p>

I’m sorry, but I saw no where in this story where any male (other than Henry the Mormon) was in need of defending himself.

<p>

Self-defense, or protection of one’s own, could only be construed if one would follow the illogic of a spouse being property.

<p>

Yet, even then, Ethan denounced his “property rights” and had no wish to regain “his property”.

<p>

Also, “the damage” to Ethan’s relationship was past-tense.

<p>

And, there existed at no time thereafter any immediate physical danger to any person.

<p>

What was he defending?

<p>

If he was defending his wife against rape… he had already failed her.

<p>

If he was defending his wife against her histrionic compulsion with the Fundamentalist Later Day Saints sect… he walked away from her by divorcing her, by not knowing the danger, by not being interested in her past, or interested in the who, what, when, where and how of her theses work, before the fact.

<p>

So, it should be obvious for anyone with an IQ above 50, and the capabilities to think logically, that this story is only about revenge, denial and deceit.

<p>

Ethan was in denial about the well-being of his marriage. He was in denial about his involvement in the breakup of his marriage, his disinterest in the marriage and his wife, before the fact. He was in denial about the reasoning for his revenge upon Henry, his own feelings of guilt.

<p>

When a relationship ends… it ends. It is over. To invest or indulge further in that past relationship is obsessive and compulsive… it’s sick. It’s stalking.

<p>

The behavioral patterns of this Ethan are narcissistic, antisocial, obsessive, compulsive and psychopathically criminal. People need to be defended from the likes of him, and for that we have our police.

<p>

Vigilante revenge is sick and people who applaud vigilante revenge are mentally ill. So Harry, go take your pills.

<p>

Ps. Though I disagree with the preposition of the LDS religious beliefs, it is their right to believe so and exist as a religion. Only such radical sects such as the Fundamentalist LDS have no right of existence. It’s not the Mormons that are the Morons, its people who refuse others the rights they themselves exert that are Morons.

thebulletthebulletalmost 17 years ago
Wow! Harry and Nici, together again.

<p>I thought Nici's analysis of the story was extremely perceptive. If RealDoc didn't want us to think about this radical version of the LDS church, he wouldn't have included it in his story. Nici has every right to evaluate the story from that perspective, because that is the perspective RealDoc used in writing the story.</p>

<p>Harry is such a hater that he can't even recognize when people are being reasonable, intelligent even.</p>

<p>It boggles my mind that a certain class of readers of Literotica think a story is terrific merely because the husband cut someone's balls off. The quality, logic, flow, plot, charactarizations, realism of the story mean nothing to these people. I'm not denigrating RealDoc's work, but I think even he would agree that his story could have been much stronger if he had made serious cuts to Chapter 1 and fleshed out Chapter 2.</p>

<p>I do not purport to know anything about the Church of Latter Day Saints nor its various offshoot sects. But apparently Nici does know these things. I'm a historian by training and when I read a story that tries to convey information about a time/place/people of which I have limited knowledge, I'm interested. But I am depending on the author to impart accurate data. Sometimes I'm interested enough to do some internet research and am always gratified when I find the author was mostly accurate and not playing fast and loose with the facts.</p>

<p>Now Nici comes along and says this story has flaws of accuracy and logic and explains why. She sounds like she knows what she is talking about.</p>

<p>I see no reason for Harry of VA to insult Nici over her comments. They were far more lucid than any comments Harry had to make on the story and they did not insult anybody.</p>

<p>What is going on here? I've been involved with this website for four years and the level of vitriol spouted by readers keeps ramping up, getting more and more desperate, more and more insulting, more and more stupid.</P>

<p>Why do people like Harry and his ilk take this all so personally? They can throw around their insults because they know there will be no consequences. To me it makes them lesser men (if men they be). </p>

Alvaron53Alvaron53almost 17 years ago
I do not stand corrected, Risq

You missed my point completely, Risq. No Board of Trustees is going to accede to this nutjob's demands who are ready, willing and able to make you prove your case in court. It will require a court-ordered judgment for Ethan to prevail in his "quest" because no major academic institution will allow policy to be influenced by some random asshole who happens to fax the individual Trustees with his out-of-the-blue demands for immediate action. That was my point, and that is why the author's fantasy is just that, a fantasy so he can feel good about the outcome of his story. I got to know one of the assistant attorneys general for my state in the course of the two cases in which I was involved. He enlightened me considerably as to which side of the legal bread the butter is on. It isn't on the side of the Ethans of this world.

<P>

Besides screwing up the legal aspects of his story, the author blew it on the role of trustees and regents in academia. The Trustees don't interfere in the daily operations of the university. They have a president, a whole posse of vice-presidents, a provost, and countless other bureaucrats to take care of administrative issues. The idea that they would intervene in some fashion to override and rule out the president of the insitution is ludicrous. It insults the president and demeans that person's ability by not allowing them to do their job. A university president treated in such a manner would resign rather than be insulted in such a public fashion. I stand by what I said: the author did not do his homework here either and the low mark he got from me for that is well-deserved. Good day.

ralphcralphcover 16 years ago
great story

dear rd , it was great. risq was unhappy you were mean to a multiple, habitual, rapist. people like risq are why we have so many of them. we have them because we make a place for them. if we didn't, it would be pretty easy to get rid of them. same goes with the dope pushers who ruin our children's lives. it's pretty rare in some countries. sadly, risq 001 was not too worried about the slavery and pain and ripping open of a 12 yr old. thanks, rc, (another real doc)

ralphcralphcover 16 years ago
great story

dear rd , it was great. risq was unhappy you were mean to a multiple, habitual, rapist. people like risq are why we have so many of them. we have them because we make a place for them. if we didn't, it would be pretty easy to get rid of them. same goes with the dope pushers who ruin our children's lives. it's pretty rare in some countries. sadly, risq 001 was not too worried about the slavery and pain and ripping open of a 12 yr old. thanks, rc, (another real doc)

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Still too far from possibility

I left a lengthy comment (sorry) for part one explaining why it is very likely that one of several levels of oversight at the university would have stopped the awarding of the degree out of self-preservation. Knowing that, it is very likely that people on the lowest level (and most likely to become the scape goat) would stop this quickly. </p>

Having said that, Alvaron53 is right on the money. While it could be stomped quickly while “keeping it in the family,” once his lawyer goes right to the trustees (who honestly don’t know if he’s lying and don’t care), the mode becomes circle the wagons/CYA. Trustees are typically CEOs, multimillionaire alumni, and (in state schools) state governors. They will not be easily intimidated, and they know how to deal with legal threats. In fact, they will give it approximately five-minutes discussion before passing it off. Ethan just started a pissing contest with a bunch of type A personalities, who will delegate the pissing to their lawyers. </p>

The school will contort itself so as to not admit any wrongdoing. The only hope for a quick resolution would be if all the sociology professors committed professional suicide to protect the school. Not likely. Her degree will be put on hold, but there will be lengthy investigation. For ethical reasons, this would have to include someone who could (a) judge if Susan’s research was valid and (b) wasn’t a friend of any of her committee members. That means more than one professor from another university, who would need to be recruited and paid for their time. This would be done by a law firm hired by the university (or the AG’s office if it’s state school). Lawyers are steeped in billable hours and do nothing quickly. Plus they need to dot their Is and cross their Ts for CYA, right? At some point the school will conclude that some low-level staff person or untenured professor was lax and use them as a sacrifice. But there will be a large payoff for them to resign for “personal reasons” to satisfy Ethan and create a defense that they did something “as soon as they knew about it.” An ongoing investigation is “doing something,” at least legally. At no time will the school admit fault at all, as that makes it difficult to defend a future suit from Susan. (Either for them to grant her degree or for damages for allowing her in a dangerous research environment; law doesn’t have to be logical or consistent!)</p>

So the faculty will pressure Susan to take some time off to deal with her “personal issues” and never petition for a degree, so the university can simply stop the investigation as a moot point and no piece of paper even hints that there was a mistake made.</p>

Anything quicker than nine months is unrealistic. Add in ethan’s lengthy trips abroad and upwards of four <b>years</b> before even getting done with discovery and depositions would be likely, even for a strong case. And if it’s a state school, be prepared to fight sovereign immunity and no inclination to settle. (The president isn’t spending his money, but the state’s.) Legal rope-a-dope can be much cheaper than settling a complicated case.</p>

And even if I could get past all that, past his somehow convincing his casual former-FBI pal (who just might believe in law and order and balk at mutilation or murder?) to put himself at major risk, past his sudden skill at surgery, and past his firm knowing when he showed up for work in Africa, having him kill his geek friend to tie up lose ends makes him a flat-out murderer and scumbag. His wife is deeply troubled, battered, and she cheated. But he’s a cold, premeditated murderer. No sympathy left for any of the assholes. </p>

And if these comments are long-winded and technical, I’m sorry, but hey, it was shorter and more coherent than part 2. You have potential, RealDoc, but you need an editor to help tighten it up and some reasonable research to get within spitting distance of realism.</p>

- RealProf, USA

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Good

not the best that i've read, but pretty good for a revenge story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Good for a second story

I read this entire story in one sitting. For this being only your published work it was quite good and I applaud your efforts. To me writing is hard work, so I can appreciate the time and attention you invested in bringing this to us.

In the interests of improving your product I do feel obligated to offer a critique. First, I thought that your lead-in concerning the wife’s character was a wee bit longer than necessary.

It was difficult enough to present us with a character that is both an academic and a submissive personality. That fact that she hid herself away to recap her experiences and encapsulate them into a working theory for her dissertation was overstated. I thought you should have focused a little more on her personality and less on her locking the door to their bedroom repeatedly.

In addition, that part of the story where the computer geek first analyzes the wife’s computer lacked credibility. I’m sorry but your statements concerning the hard disk and memory should not have been used. You obviously do not understand those components and you should have avoided trying to provide such detail. Either research the subject more fully or provide a summary of the outcome, which is what most authors do.

Unlike some other commentators I did not find any fault with how the husband addressed Henry “the rapist”. The violence fit the story and I’m not one to think it was over the top. However, why you saw fit to kill off the computer geek eludes me. Did you not want any witnesses to survive? In any event, it seemed unnecessary.

Personally, I would have liked to have learned that the dissertation committee that sanctioned the wife’s research were all fired as a result of the husband’s threatened lawsuit. These people were complicit in her ongoing infidelity, and by extension, her rape. I thought they got off too lightly.

These are my thoughts on your story. Overall, this was quite an enjoyable read and I look forward to more of your work.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
I really enjoyed this story. For those that didnt

great move over to an author you agree with. With regard to this man portraying LDS religion, no this guy was a lone wolf who ran outside the group, whose physical size and intimidation controlled others. He didnt care about women, they were just things to be used, someone being married to another is a joke to such people. And yes Rici could have somehting on the beheadings, just as in the religious fanatics now trying to make the world believe what they believe. If you think his punishment of the rapist was to much, you need a real dose of reality in the everyday world. This isnt to harse in fact it is kind of mild. The could have woken up with a live grenade in his mouth and the pin pulled. Relax your mouth and blow your head off........ Nope he got off easy. The woman were the ones who suffered, not Susan but those so afraid of reality they could not leave Hell.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Justice.....

Justice is always served, but not like we would see it served. This time, justice was served properly and so beautiful. Remember, one does not get back, they get even and that is what Ethan did. It was so good nice to see him ruin Henry and Susan and Ethan had a concrete alibi. Susan was trying to play each man against the other in order for her benefit and to make Ethan make a decision so she could tell everyone that it was his decision and not hers. Susan lost the most. She lost her way of life, her husband, her lover rapist Henry and THAT MONSTER COCK which she got back about 10 years later unattached to Henry. If you file a lawsuit against someone, there is a chance that you will or will not not win in a court of law. The Trustees did not want the bad publicity that this case would bring to their college in a court of law even if they won the case.

I am happy to see that in the divorce papers, Susan would have to assume her maiden name, no alimony or child support would be paid by Ethan and she would not receive her PHD and her book was literally shut down. She brought this onto herself. She said she was raped, why did she go there in the first place? She hid her money and CC before confronting Henry, so she knew something was going to happen. She turned out to be nothing more than a whore for Henry who bore his iligient children. Her mother must really be proud of her.

studyingstudyingover 16 years ago
within the real

... of possibility. Excellent entertainment with a keen eye for justice. The fact that it generated so many comments tells you a lot.

While no story is above criticism, the critics here are whining rather than critiquing. Thank you for the hours you contributed.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Great

I absolutely loved it. Henry got his just rewards. I still think his wife should have suffered more or at least have shown remorse. Thanks and write more soon.

shangoshangoabout 16 years ago
Hmm

I personally thought this tale was a bit over the top, but hey, this is Literotica. The comments blow my mind. Bullet, is Nici your wife/daughter or some other relative? You always leap to her defense, even when she's wrong. The Author never blamed LDS. He blamed a ROGUE, who used his twisted version of LDS (think Jim Jones). Nici, do females always get a pass in your world...never mind. And Alvaron, you asked who wants to read about Felons torturing people? If Mario Puzo was still alive, he could have answered this much better than I. Or did you not read "The Godfather"? I've heard you defend other Authors, Bullet, by hammering home the point that"People, it's just a fictional story". Your inconsistency is hypocritical and exposes your bias. Shame on you. Yes, I do believe mutilating a human being just for taking a woman off that was no good to begin with is over the top. But for you to nitpick about believability (I've read your stuff. Be sure to buy enough windex for your glass house) is amazing.

thebulletthebulletabout 16 years ago
Shango: fuck you and the horse you rode in on

<p>Your insults about my criticism of this story are idiotic. So, I suspect, are you.</p>

<p>My original criticism merely was that the first chapter was way too long and could have been significantly shortened without affecting the story. The second chapter was too short, more like a synopsis than a story. Other than that, I gave RealDoc encouragement to continue writing and refining his craft.</p>

<p>Then nici wrote that RealDoc's facts were incorrect. I have no problem with fictional stories, but I do have a problem with stories that purport to use a historically factual background and then find out later that that background is false.</p>

<p>Any inconsistencies in my criticism of other works is in your mind, Shango, you idiot. And I really don't believe I've ever used the term "People it's just a fictional story". Perhaps I have but that isn't the way I feel. I often defend unwarranted criticism of Harddayknighs' stories because they often don't understand what he is doing and hold him to standards that aren't appropriate.</P

<p>But you wouldn't understand that, would you Shango? With you, black is black and white is white, and there is no in between.</P>

<p>I have no relationship at all with nici, can hardly remember reading anything she wrote, though I kinda remember it being inflammatory, which I find amusing. But when someone writes criticism of background facts and sounds like he/she knows what they are talking about, I buy in.</p>

<p>If you don't like me or my stuff, Shango, that just tears me apart. Please, please feel better about me and my day will be made. NOT.</p>

EspressoBolusEspressoBolusabout 16 years ago
Engaging and absorbing

Well, this was certainly a tour-de-force! I was very disappointed as Ethan's character was revealed. He was a small minded, nasty man who reveled in his macabre vengence. Henry was a rapist and a bully, to be sure, but Ethan appears to be one of those men who, when tested, show only their ugliness. Was Susan, a PhD candidate, really as stupid as depicted? Apparently so. The writing was engrossing, even when in part 1 the hell Ethan believed he was going through was drwan out for us a little to long.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 16 years ago
Cool story!

To bad the professional commentator had to spout his usual bullshit. The things "the professional commentator" must do to raise his rankings. Sad?

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
A great & justified revenge story - thanks!

Excellent writing skill and a great story line. Thank you author for balancing all the other "wimp husband/slut wife" bullshit stories that float out there like dung.

jackiedanielsjackiedanielsabout 15 years ago
Maybe a bit Long

It may have been a bit longer than necessary,mostily the first chapter, but after that it started to move right along holding my interest, As for the justice and revenge, well all I have to say is What goes around comes around ,Henry got exactly what he deserved, all in all it was well written and in my opinoin a good read,You,re a good writer and hope to read more from you,

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
Outstanding Story

Just goes to show you that you can't satisfy all the people all the time. I would not have let this go on for the length of time that the wife was there. And it was stupid to think that someone could spend a year in a "religious" commune and not be freaked out totally....even if it were for research....Write more like this one....I love revenge.....think it should be done to either one who messes up a mariage by "doing" someone other than their spouse. I just hate to see stories where the spouse waits so long to learn of the problems they have.

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
great tale all around...

....I would have spent years twisting the knife further into sweet susie but then I'm a romantic-pistolpackinpete

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
PAYBACK IS A B I T C H !!!!!

U did what was needed, well!! I hope I could be that inventive in case that happened to me!!!! DAMN GOOD STORY!

jasonnhjasonnhabout 14 years ago
Unbelievably foolish woman

It is just not understandable that a woman like Susan could think she could go to a cult society and thinks she would be able to avoid their sexual control. She KNEW from her mother how the women were controlled. Her being surprised that Henry forced sex on her is just unbelievable. I don't have any particular experience with cults and even I know that if a cult uses sex as part of their activities, anyone in the cult is going to participate. Her mother knew this for sure. Susan is just an incredibly stupid person. Too much so to be believed.

<br>

Her return also plays into this as well, although at that point some of it could be written off to PTSD. Sex with a big dick is enough for her to renounce her individuality? Really??

<br>

I liked the revenge. Henry was a sadistic brute who deserved what he got but it actually was like an afterthought. The best revenge was against Susan. She was prevented from getting her PHD, the purpose to which she attributed all her efforts to. She was denied all her desires, including Henry's big dick. The blocking of Susan's cruel and selfish desires was the best revenge.

CSD2CSD2about 14 years ago
whoa

very nice tale of revenge doc. very nice.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
I never ever agreed with Harry about anything but Nici you are fucking nuts

In all my years here I have NEVER ever agreed with anything --not even ONE time --that Harryin VA has posted.

I use to think harry was a troll. Then I realize he is serious about half the time. And every time Nic and Harry have clashed I have always defended NICI

Until now.

NICI these comments prove you are one fucked up bitch...

.......Ethan was in denial about the well-being of his marriage. He was in denial about his involvement in the breakup of his marriage, his disinterest in the marriage and his wife, before the fact. He was in denial about the reasoning for his revenge upon Henry, his own feelings of guilt. ....

NICI what EXACTLY did Ethan do or say to lead to the break up the marriage?

what EXACTLY is the proof that the Marriage ended SOLELY because of Ethan.?

In fact throughout your post in the feedback section you did not mention the wife's actions behaviors her lies betrayal and deceit . Not one time.

...... The behavioral patterns of this Ethan are narcissistic, antisocial, obsessive, compulsive and psychopathically criminal. People need to be defended from the likes of him, and for that we have our police....

the wife enjoying rape is Normal?

falling in love with a man who rapes 12 year old girls is Normal?...

the wife WANTS to return to the rapist and his community where of course they are cutoff from the outside world....

yet according to NICI it is Ethan who is ..."narcissistic, antisocial, obsessive..."???

Oh. My. God.

Harry still I think are an asshole but you were 100% right about NICI. I gotta give you that one.

cancapercancaperalmost 14 years ago
well

i dont think i could do it but then i couldnt write it either that was one seriously screwed up story and thanks for writing it steve

AnonymousAnonymousover 13 years ago
Ouch!

That is some serious revenge going on there. A bit extreme perhaps to some people (including me)...but then again I was never used by a bitch like this either.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago
awesome!!!

I was in the mood for a great story and boy did I find one!!! I really enjoyed the main character, he was very personable and well described. I enjoyed the emotional roller coaster effect of this story because you follow and feel the emotions of Ethan, and it really is just spectacular. It was extreme but in a good way. It was perfectly written and it would make SUCH a good movie!!!

demantoiddemantoidover 12 years ago
Wow...great and totally weird saga!

I really enjoyed reading this tale of despair and revenge. The set up, with the husband's agony of waiting and wondering was outstanding. Brilliant!. The explanation and expiation by the wife was riveting. The planning and execution of the revenge was so clever and exciting. Thrilling! I am very impressed with this author. He is a great short story writer! Thank you RealDoc for taking the time and making the effort to write a wonderful saga for me and all others on Literotica!

jiminabjiminabover 12 years ago
Don't know

I don't know what was more enjoyable. The story or the comments. LOL Jim

AnonymousAnonymousover 12 years ago
WHO DECIDES WHAT PAYMENT IS ACCEPTABLE

for without a contract it has to be in the hands of the beholden. TK U MLJ LV NV

tazz317tazz317over 12 years ago
THE ANON COMMENT

WAS MADE BY tazz317, there was a p/c glitch and I am unable to correct. TK U MLJ LV NV OOPS NOW IT IS REPAIRED.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 12 years ago
I think I lost the most....

I think I lost some of my precious time reading this shit.

raywestyraywestyabout 12 years ago
Had enough

Okay, read your chapter 2. You really went to never never land with this. I will say that you had me in that I read this chapter, but I won't bother with further chapters. You say you are religious. Well and good. You used some scripture, but the greatest commandment is love the Lord God with all you heart and all your soul and the second is like unto the first: Love your neighbor as yourself. Forgiveness is difficult at times, but it is the only way for their to be healing emotionally. There was neither forgiveness nor healing in this story.

SilverWolf78754SilverWolf78754almost 12 years ago
You forgot about the commandments regarding incest.

What about the incest? Lev 18:6-18 Why was this not included in the list of abominations Henry committed?

Also, Ethan had recorded testimony of rape, physical abuse and beatings, illegal restraint, and child molesting. This should have ended up in the State prosecutors office and gotten the State police involved to stop this abuse of these women and children.

The second chapter was better than the first chapter, The first chapter just repeated the same thing over and over. How blind could Ethan be? It took him 5 months to figure out Susan was pregnant? also, she refused to have sex with Ethan not because it would have confused her emotionally or disrupted her train of thought regarding her research, It was because she she was remaining faithful to Henry, the monster who raped her, beat her, What a messed up woman.

javonfontainejavonfontaineover 11 years ago
I did like it but...

I would have expected as much effort as you put into the first chapter of this story to have the same in depth detail in the second. And while there is some detail regarding geological and human anatomic information, there was little in the other main characters - Susan and Henry, other than observations.

As others have stated before, it took 5 months for Ethan (whom you sometimes called Evan) to figure out that Susan was pregnant. The morning sickness was a dead give away.

Then her explanation of events and then the statement of keeping herself to HENRY. Well, I can see where Ethans mind went after that statement. You dont let a woman decide FOR YOU in a marriage. Its a joint DECISION unless its a dominant relationship like Henry's was.

Also, when she told Ethan of the Dom/Sub enjoyment, and Ethan being ANGRY, and having already hit her earlier when he woke her up after feeling her "baby bump", wouldnt it have been more realistic for Ethan to just TAKE HER there in the kitchen? I mean its not like she could have gotten pregnant, and she said she loved the submissive style. Just to be a little bit of a prick, he should have fucked her in her pussy and ass and did ATM... Im just sayin.

I appreciated his "Scorched Earth" tactic for all involved to suffer, and in that scenario there is always collateral damage. His mother in law, his parents, Henry's "wives" and children.

This was a fairly descent story for me but you needed to let the reader be informed of what Susan's PENANCE was when she returned to the sect. There is no paragraph of abuses or beatings as Ethan warned her of earlier.

Also when they met before she was to return to see what her punishment/penance to Henry was, she was dressed like an outsider? A little confusing as she stated that she was going to speak to Henry in a few days, but she was dressing normally in maternity clothing?

There is more that I could discuss, but I did enjoy the story. How about from Susan's point of view?

Javon.Fontaine@yahoo.com

SingularMindSingularMindover 11 years ago
What About Adultery?

I loved the story. But how come the sin of adultery was not mentioned in the scroll that Ethan left?

LordSlamdawggLordSlamdawggover 11 years ago
Not just an over the top revenge story, this was 'over the moon' replete with slanderous,obsessive, malicious detail !

I enjoyed every bit of it.

LordSlamdawggLordSlamdawggover 11 years ago
For what it's worth ...

I did enjoy everything in the story yet the cherry on top of the sundae would have been one last face-off, showdown scene with Susan where she could have begged to come back, use infuriating rationalizations and or bewail her fate.

Some of this might well have been redundant. Yet even a partial rehash is still more vivid then the narrator's detached 2nd hand account of her sorry but appropriate lot in life. Great read, otherwise. I thank the author.

TheAnonYmousTheAnonYmousover 11 years ago
A good effort

One less incestous-paedophile and child-rapist for the world too worry about...Perfect is what I'd say!!

The second chapter did feel a bit contrived; also, the author needed to flesh it out especially seeing that the particularly long and descriptive first chapter had set the precedent.

Overall, a good story Doc..keep them coming!

P.S.:- Despite your Constitutionally given right to voice your opinions, all the Established(?) LitErotica Commentators whining about realism, plausibility and what not should remember that this is a fictional story with fictitious characters and events and that too not of the Man Booker type, if you get my drift?

Rather than sounding so far out of left field on an amateur erotic literature forum why don't you turn to the WSJ,Times,Post,Tribune,Enquirer,Chronicle etc and their many iterations for your daily dose of realism.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
I lost the most

When I read this story. I liked the basic idea but you needed to really tighten up your writing "style". At times long winded, at times choppy the whole thing could have used a good proof reading and a good editor.

TavadelphinTavadelphinover 10 years ago
Over the top - well yeah!

And yet somehow it all fits pretty well if you sit back a bit -

A driven woman meets only the needs she wants to meet and fuck everyone who fails to agree with her - OK then Fuck you bitch -- oops he can't do that any more and the only other guy she wants won't lol.

AnonymousAnonymousover 10 years ago
The best story I ever read here at Literotica.....

Thank you.

racfguyracfguyalmost 10 years ago
Very Good, RealDoc

I enjoyed your story a lot. I might add that I read stories on Lit to get away from the real world for a while.

To all those who left the vile comments: IT'S A FANTASY STORY. I don't give a rats ass if, in real life, a lawsuit doesn't progress as was told in the story. I don't give a rats ass if, in real life, some of the story lines are implausable. I don't give a rats ass if, in real life, the sought-after advanced degree is or is not granted because it does not happen that way.

Have any of you ever watched a "based on historical facts" movie? Most of that stuff is fiction also.

RealDoc, you certainly have a fertile imagination! I especially liked how Henry was treated. Goes to the old saying "Don't get mad, GET EVEN."

Keep writing, and thanks for letting me get away from this libtard world for a few minutes.

ErotFanErotFanover 9 years ago
Good for you ratfguy!

I agree with your assessment/comment.

A wonderfully contrived story. Sorry Ethan felt the need to snuff the geek. What you got against geeks, RealDoc? ;o)

The Sequel (Epilogue?) with the gift to Susan was priceless! I love "in your fact" revenge!

Your best yet.

Just glad it wasn't as long as Ch. 01. :o)

aptonthe503aptonthe503about 9 years ago
Wow! What a Story

Definitely one of the more unique tales. Really good characters. Enjoyed the plot and was invested in the story's emotion. Thought the protagonists patience was over the top, as i would have kicked her out after 2 months, particularly when it was obvious she was pregnant.

Thanks for the enjoyable read!

Please keep writing.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Chap 2 did it.

I thought he was a fool. But in Chap 2 he redeemed himself.

MCPO Jim

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Lol!

Quite a story......hope you never need to get revenge on someone in real life! You're scary enough on paper....

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Ha ha

This chapter is hilariously awful.

"I knew there were satellites watching all of us."

Make sure you wear your tinfoil hat!

RedPillRedPillabout 8 years ago
Much better

Agree with the JasonNH and SilverWolf comments, and the story was indeed pretty far fetched. However, it did move much better than part one, and was entertaining.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Good finish...

Much tighter than chapter 1.

Still war is depressing. It takes two to live I peace, only one to start a war.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 7 years ago
Excellent!!!!!!

Sometimes justice isn't pretty. VERY good revenge story. Everyone got just what they deserved. Thank you.

Ib_SaysIb_Saysalmost 7 years ago

Too much telling rather than showing, this story could benefit from more dialogue and descriptive text and a lot fewer summaries.

timrivtimrivover 6 years ago

Who lost the most....the reader of this story. Wasted better part of an hour on this crap.

AnonymousAnonymousover 6 years ago
Question About the Surgery

A little quible or three.

No problem with the attack on Henry. He was no different from a rabid dog and needed to be removed from society. If anything, since you had intended on surgery, I would have suggested amputation of his right hand (after making sure that was his doninent hand) and perhaps the opposite foot. Mohammedans like that kind of punishment, it would serve this rogue cast-off from Mormonism right!

As I read this, Ethan sliced off Henry's penis and then cauterized the wound. Would this not have closed off Henry's urethra, leaving him unable to urinate, leading to a bladder back-flowing into his kidneys and then death from kidney failure in about a month? Henry doesn't seem like the type of guy to go out of the valley to get medical attention, and there is nothing in Susan's description of Henry's life post-ampitation to imdicate he sought treatment. Perhaps a glass rod (or some scapel-blade resistant catheter) inserted into Henry's urethra prior to "surgery", then cutting down to the rod, next circling the scapel around to remove the penis while leaving the urethera open. Then cuaterize leaving the rod in place and then perhaps substituting a short pliable catheter that Henry or one of the wives could remove. Otherwise, Henry's dead in a month or so. I think Ethan would want Henry to suffer much longer than a month. Also, wouldn't Silver Nitrate be better than Silver Chloride as an astringent/cuastic agent? My five minutes of Google search indicated that Silver Chloride was not soliable in water and so would not work as an astringent ( http://chestofbooks.com/health/materia-medica-drugs/Pharmacology-Therapeutics/Mineral-Astringents.html).

Second quible, hauling a pickled penis in 2007 through the Denver Airport, into and out of South Africa's airport(s), then into Angola, (perhaps easier than Denver or South Africa); followed by two months on a boat in the South Atlantic! And no one noticed his huge plastic bag (probably the size of a big Jiffy Peanut Butter jar---it had to be that big to hold that monster cock) in all that time? Then the trip back from Angola to the USA---and U.S. Customs asked him if he had anything to declare! I know TSA isn't that good, but wouldn't one if the dope/explosives dogs alerted on his carry-on baggage? Or is the smell of formalin too different from dope or explosives? Also, I'm not sure a plastic bag would withstand the rigors of his trips.

Finally, apparently offing the geek. Some other hold to keep his silence would have made this chaper more palatable.

etchiboyetchiboyabout 6 years ago
I was going yay, yay! Until...

...he murdered the computer geek. Holy shit, what an asshole. Now I wish his new wife finds out (perhaps he talks in his sleep?) and outs him some how. Not directly to the police, mind you, but perhaps has to get it off her chest and reveals the secret to her best friend. Or something like that.

And what about all those computer files he copied? What happened to those? All that trouble and we never find out what was on them. I doubt Susan emailed Henry. So it was ,probably, just her research work. But we’ll never know.

And I’d like to have heard about Susan’s reaction to receiving the shriveled penis.

But overall, and outstanding piece of work. Very interesting story line. Love the BTB. Perfect, until he murdered the geek. Though I’m still giving it a 5-stars.

tazz317tazz317almost 6 years ago
IN WONDERING WHO LOST THE MOST

each individual must decide for themselves the worth. TK U MLJ LV NV

AnonymousAnonymousover 5 years ago
Mighty fine story

Well deserved retribution for old Henry.

266xxyz266xxyzabout 5 years ago
How ssuuuwweeet it is!

Yay for you! I just love it when the guy exactes his revenge in full measure. Sometimes I get discouraged sometimes when I keep finding in these stories dudes who walks in,sees his wife getting her brains fukked out and loving every inch of it is paralyzed then either slinks or breaks down sobbing and in both cases pukes his guts out. Is that the leanings of a 21 century man? People wanna get in touch with their feelings? Try a raging need to kill...for what ever reason...it's there believe me. And to satiate that raging and feel that rush of peace. Satiating any rage always feel good. I have read about forgiving your enemies, trespassers, whatever. I have never seen or felt the need to forgive some one who crossed me. Why do we let the state put people under that have committed grave hurts on another and not even make it public, just the aggrieved to see a man put to death "humanely"(sp?). It is not pleasant to watch some one die. Like that. Sitting in a chair watching the sqirming as life is taken from them...some how I cannot understand how this would be entirely satisfying. Perhaps I'm not really civilized any more. Or maybe I never was. IDK...IDC...I'm doing ok with me.

Anyway, loved the story. Only saw one typo and it was sort if an ambush anyway. Again 5☆s. Ok people, start whaling on me for my wicked ways 😄😄😁

Thanks Realdock. You're on my list.

SpencerfictionSpencerfictionabout 5 years ago
Revenge of Biblical proportion

Interesting story, sustainable through to the end. Good plot and premise, well executed, and a very nice finish, with Susan's double demons of dick and doctorate both dissected and desiccated to dust, with a better and more fulfilled life for the wronged husband. Sweet.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
One missed element

The Fed and the State would tear that town apart... and others would follow. The injustice left not avenged with allowing it to continue.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
I call bullshit

At the very end you give him a wife and three kids, saying he had no need or desire to remember the past. Yet he keeps Henry's penis for all that time and then remembers when his ten wedding anniversary would have been and sends the penis to Susan. Doesn't sound like a man that's forgotten or forgiven anything or anyone. And you had so many holes in your story that it was laughable. Do you really think that the police are deaf, dumb and blind? But we'll chalk that up to too many donuts, call it fiction and be done with it.

2 stars

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Excellent!

Very creative plot, and a huge improvement in writing. Quite an impressive job. If you can maintain this level of creativity and execution you could become one of the truly good LW authors.

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago
Intelligence...

Sorry, most of the story seemed to be a rambling of a drunk intellectual. There was a bunch of relevant questions asked but rarely answered. It was rather frustrating to have a bunch of good questions asked but the one idiotic question answered. I guess the old adage is true, intelligence is knowing tomato is a fruit, but wisdom is knowing only a idiot would put a tomato in a fruit cup.

PowersworderPowersworderover 4 years ago

The written English was atrocious, but I still had to give it 5* for the epic revenge on the wife and her lover.

Surgically removing Henry's penis was great, but so was getting Susan's research so thoroughly rejected that she would never get her phd. She was far too smug and self-satisfied with everything that had happened, dismissively treating her husband like shit for 6 months for her precious thesis. She fully deserved to have her academic career completely destroyed.

As a BtB story goes, he really dropped the big one on her. Susan lost her lover, lost her husband, was stuck raising a bastard with her mother, lost her academic career, and never remarried... so basically became a lonely spinster.

Ouch!

Schwanze1Schwanze1over 4 years ago
Epic revenge sure

but so many plot holes and stupid details like needing a driver's license to get a prepaid phone. And it sounds like he killed his geek buddy. WTF?

At least it didn't drag on and on like the first part.

Huedogg2Huedogg2about 4 years ago
EPIC

revenge, superb

divorce, expected

raising a bastard, not happening

Story over all .............PRICELESS

taking the high road..........call a cuckold!

jtwheelsjtwheelsabout 4 years ago
No PhD no penis. Great revenge

Better

secretsalsecretsalabout 3 years ago

That was some Old Testament shit alright. Ludicrous, but entertaining. Only thing was it really felt that Susan had pretty much lost her mind during her research trip, so all the revenge felt like beating up a helpless animal at that point. Although Ethan might have done her a solid by giving Henry the ol' Bobbit, and providing the catalyst for her to move back into a less fucked-up society. Yeah, she doesn't have any of the tools she did before, but that's probably preferable to being a cum dumpster for the rest of her life.

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