You lost me when you went from the daughter going to her room to all of a sudden she's sucking his cock. Did you leave something out? From then on, the story made no sense.
...of why UNEDUCATED people shouldn't try writing! Leave that to those of us with at least a Middle School education, and stick to your Jerry Springer tapes, LOSER!
by
Anonymous06/06/07
Bad Gramma...Bits missing.
Story has no flow. Keeps jumping about. No real discriptive movements to let you know why this is now and that was then.
Try reading more books to understand what we are saying.
by
Anonymous11/05/07
Not Bad
The story wasn't the most believable thing I've ever read but it was hot enough to make me wet. Not bad.
by
Anonymous01/27/10
more, more
need a continuation this is a 5 star because both people are talking and it isnt just reading it can be acted out.
by
Anonymous04/07/15
the story moves around too fast its very jumpy and too quick. you need to slow down and take your time when writing. allow the story to build and let things go more slowly. there is a lot of confusing jumps from one line the next. keep writing though. you only get better over time
by
Anonymous06/02/15
$
Most writers act as if they were getting paid by the word, unnecessarily drawing out their stories.you,however, write like you pay for each word you use, H
hodgepodge, frenetic. Don't belabor your points, but DO make them!! Less isn't always best!!
English
Did you forget a part?
You lost me when you went from the daughter going to her room to all of a sudden she's sucking his cock. Did you leave something out? From then on, the story made no sense.
Poorly written,
and the whole thing is so unbelievable.
This Is A PERFECT Example...
...of why UNEDUCATED people shouldn't try writing! Leave that to those of us with at least a Middle School education, and stick to your Jerry Springer tapes, LOSER!
Bad Gramma...Bits missing.
Story has no flow. Keeps jumping about. No real discriptive movements to let you know why this is now and that was then.
Try reading more books to understand what we are saying.
Not Bad
The story wasn't the most believable thing I've ever read but it was hot enough to make me wet. Not bad.
more, more
need a continuation this is a 5 star because both people are talking and it isnt just reading it can be acted out.
the story moves around too fast its very jumpy and too quick. you need to slow down and take your time when writing. allow the story to build and let things go more slowly. there is a lot of confusing jumps from one line the next. keep writing though. you only get better over time
$
Most writers act as if they were getting paid by the word, unnecessarily drawing out their stories.you,however, write like you pay for each word you use, H
hodgepodge, frenetic. Don't belabor your points, but DO make them!! Less isn't always best!!
What nationality is the writer?
Quote:
"We can only see." He replied getting off the bed and putting his hand out to me.
This "we can only see" is not English, it's taken from some other language
I wonder which one
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