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English
Could have...
It could have been a great story... if you had finished it. As it is now, it's not worth reading.
great comedy
Ho ho ha ha, great laughs.
OK start, but rapidly moved from fantasy to unbelievable. You meet a shy young thing, take her to her parents home, then go to her bedroom where her parents leave you alone behind closed doors and say nothing when you and their obviously inexperienced daughter take a shower together?
Great start
Have to agree with the others, This was a great story, until the to back rub started.
i liked it
I really liked it. I was that shy girl that was trusted enough with a boy to have him alone in my room and would have completly gone along with all of it.
Author's response
Ok, so I could have polished it slightly. I concur. However, all you people who are saying how "unrealistic" it was owe me a large apology. It's a true story. It's how a good friend of mine in high school met his wife [and yes, they're still married.] I changed the names and some identifying details to protect their privacy, but it's true all the way.
I loved it!
Why can't people just accept romance? I would have been trusted that way myself. I think it was fabulous and just ignore the negative. I could see if it was constructive critism, but it wasn't. Great story.
WoW!!!!
Another beautiful love story. I guess I have another favorite author to keep an eye on for more great reading
Upcoming greatness
I gaven it a 75 because like the first story I read...you do not flesh your stories out enough. You leave us hanging...like this was just the first chapter! There is not enough build up concerning the relationship after the first time... Other than that...I agree with others that you are a damn good writer.
This is good. And this could lead to a start of a very good story.
Lets say, a story as demure and as refreshing as this may evolve into a hot, very erotic story.
Put it this way. Continue the story by these scenes/stories;
1. Robert and Lynne made it to engagement.
2. While engaged, Robert continue to make a name in football. Both of them in College.
3. Robert was seduced by someone hot and sexy, and eventually, he gives in.
4. Robert's cheating, with the same woman, continues until he and Lynne got married. Without Lynne knowing it. Actually, no one should have known about it.
5. Robert wasn't isn't in love with the woman but still continues his affair because she gave him a very good sex.
6. Lynne gave birth to a son and they seemed a happy couple. Until things came to worst.
*************something like this... I hope you consider. But story depends on you of course. Its always up to you. BUT I REALLY HOPE AND LOOKING FORWARD TO YOUR FOLLOW. THANK YOU!
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