All Comments on 'How to Write Romance'

coupling hilarious! I must include more rampant members and honeyed treasure palaces in my next Romance. I always knew there was something missing. Thanks for the big laugh! Good luck in the contest..

You might want to tug down on that skirt of yours. John who? Phillip what? I really wish you'd warn me a little bit more when I'm supposed to start looking intelligent...geesh, I have to go wash the blonde out of my hair. (how she got in my hair I'll never know...badump bump). Truthfully one of the funniest pieces I've read in a long time, and I'm not saying that because you mentioned me in it, though the check is in the mail(hee hee) Love you, you crazy alien. D PS. How come Molly got mentioned more than I did...sniff sniff.

What a riot... too funny! I guess I just have to add more "throbbing members" to my stories to make them romantic... :D Good to know!

you stick your tongue (c'mon, wait for it!) too far you your cheek (hey, that cheek by your mouth - NO one can do what you were thinking.

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Oh, hell, I lost my place. If you stick your tongue too far into your cheek you might bite it. Hey, pain adds a lot of tension to a story.

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Considering myself more of a romance writer more than anything else I did find this kind of funny. I truly hope that was your intent or else I'm taking my 100 back.

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I did like your take on the categories. LW is so screwed up that I don't think there is any hope for it. Thus: LWR! Loving Wives Romance. The cheated upon spouse gets appropriate revenge then finds the romance s/he deserved in the first place.

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Regards, Jack

...and very funny. Put a big smile on my face!

before I wrote my one and only Romance piece. Not a rampant member in sight, no wonder it did no good! Great stuff. Good luck in the contest.

Very intriguing.

Do I really have to use "rampant member?"

Damn

I think I failed.... Not a "honeyed treasure palace", "fruitful loin" or "rampant member" in my stories!!.....A very cute addition to the contest.... Good luck, Marsh.

Qu'est-ce que c'est? Oooh la la! C'est une zucchette! Histoire tres amusante.

Do you know how much it hurts when you snort coffee through your nose? It's only funny because there is so much truth in it. Are you sure you don't write for Harlequin?

CCM

And I tought I had got it ... never read anything with so much zuchinni in it.

Good luck in the contest.

Maharat

Very funny!

you deserve a 5. i'll give you a 10, but it wont let me.

Your suggestions are interesting but why does erotica and romance have to be exclusive of one another. Sex between two people who care for each other is still sex, hot, passionate, intense and nasty. And why do romance writers say words like pussy, cock, dick are vulgar?

...that was a most unique How-To, and funny. Writing Romance stories will never be the same.

Hard to read in places, but hilarious none the less. Maybe I should finally tackle that Romance I've been wanting to write. I'm sure I can find plenty of 'throbbing members' willing to join with 'fruitful loins'. :D Good luck in the contest! ~Minx

Thank you.

I enjoyed your version of How-To Write Romance.

I'm not sure that my creative writing tutor would agree with some of the suggestions. Perhaps I should try to persuade her with a zuccini?

Og

not really very informative.

LMAO! Can't wait to read more of your work. Thanks for the hilarity!

...your take on the genre, especially the spoofs on the various categories. You're a funny guy!

Yeah, yeah, I've been meaning to sign up, as soon as I join the procrastinator's club too. But I couldn't let this stellar how-to go by without comment. I am astounded at how you took a crass stroke story and masterfully turned it into a strikingly sentimental romance, full of pathos, emotion, and sensitivity, redolent of nostalgic what-might-have-beens, sweet love between two well matched partners whilst avoiding all out bathos. I bow to your prowess. (Another good word to use.)

Who would have thought vegetables could be so romantic?

Of course there is no formula, sadly. However, using your useful (pink) tips would at least give a writer a leg up in the romance category. Or at least a rampant member up. Next time I am writing prøn, I shall have to stop and consider how best to lift my literary efforts to the category of romance, simply by using the insights provided here.

Oh, and nice shoes too.

And now I must leave you but before I do, I warble in your honour, a few choruses of the memorable Kids in the Hall tune:

Skoura, the Gentle Shark.

Thank you, you little rampant member teaser, you.

"BDSM Romance: This reminds of the joke about impersonating a German Shepherd: "You sheep vill stay in that field, und you vill eat that grass, und you vill like it!"

Celebrities Romance: Usually very, very, very short stories.

Fetish Romance: "I love those shoes."

Humor & Satire Romance: Marriage."

well done. made my day much better. thanks!

Marsh, this is, like all your work, hysterically funny and a great pleasure to read. I loved how you took that scene from "Gigolo" and turned it into "pure romance" ... <lol> hard, rampant member and all! Since I had to come home after a long vacation, thanks for providing something fun and hugely entertaining. You're a treasure, Mr. Alien!

Priceless. From the “Song of Music” comment to “rampant members” followed by your example of a mature romance! I think you expressed yourself openly and in an enjoyable way, which I believe is also a key element when writing romance. I have to say though; I found the first part of the example story to be more stimulating than the latter. But overall, you did a great job expressing yourself.

you are so right! i loved this!

Got me in a good mood this morning. Especially loved your comment that those reading incest stories will read anything.

Hmpf! That's so not romantic. But you made up for it with the 'honeyed treasure places' and 'pink-tipped downy hills' so I guess we'll let that one pass.

And I loved the SweetWitch references. :D

Hi,

I really enjoyed this piece. I've read a lot of so called formulaic romance and am making a sad attempt to write one myself, so this was particularly funny to me and right on!

Brilliant! A little too knowing in places but the pastiche was real genius. This is now my favourite line in all Literotica:

"Is that what the young romance language teacher really wants in her honeyed treasure palace?" I asked.

I can begin writing my own romance story. Over the years, I've considered submitting one in this category, but didn't know the "formula." Thanks, MarshAlien--you've broken the code and now anyone (well, over the age of 18) can crank out page after page of erotic romance stories.

May your fat zucchini give your Mademoiselle's fruitful loins a joyful release!

Humor & Satire Romance: Marriage

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Hehehehe...

*wipes tear*

OH, I needed that one!

very insightful

going to take your advice for my 1st story

title: A Fruitful Delight.

filled with passion fruit, Creamy Peaches, nicely upwardly curving Bananas, some wonderful Ripe Cherries.

And as a special reward for the heroine warm Lychee to fill her Moist Creamy peach & to swirl around her salacious mouth.

ty MarshAlien

have been truly inspired by your guide

xxxhugsxxx

TwistedOliver

godbless & be well

You evidently don't care enough about your non-French to even use Google translate. Lazy marsh alien.

I discovered your profile this evening, and it's now well past 2 am. I almost died trying not to laugh and disturb everybody sleeping. No joke. Especially with the 'romantic' descriptors that you used. My stomach hurts from laughing and trying to be quiet. You're just straight up amazing Marsh.

You can write romance without being a cheese ball about it. I disagree with your advice for several reasons. The main one being that not everyone who reads romance is as uptight as you make them out to be. Also, as someone who has read over six thousand romance novels... If I ever saw an author use the words "fruitful loins", I would probably roll my eyes, and chuck the book across the room because this isn't 1972. You make it seem like the only options are between filth and goo. If you're a good writer, you avoid both because neither are appealing to the average reader. Fruitful loins? Ugh. That's just bad writing.

very well done.

good english.

no typos, malapropisms, misspellings.

only one superfluous ¨of¨; and no ¨off ofs¨- yea!

Analysis Romance: priceless!

Anal Romance: Priceless!