criticism. You've got a good start there but watch the size of your paragraphs. The longer ones are way too hard to read when you are reading on a computer. Also, using quotation marks (") is better than an apostrophe ('). It's just easier to read. But if you aren't looking to better your writing and just want to write to express your fantasies, the piece was all right.
I have read alot of stories on here and let me tell you urs is a piece of work.....It kept me interested in the whole way thru and also guess to what happens next ( enjoy stories like that) *PLUS*....Pier's character is something i like also in a guy's control yet gentle LOL so...i kinda was really into it......so PLEASE PLEASE finish i cant wait to read the rest....thanks BSG
English
please finish
While there's always room for improvement you've started out good, please finish.
A Good Start
Please continue.
I'm a firm believer in giving constructive
criticism. You've got a good start there but watch the size of your paragraphs. The longer ones are way too hard to read when you are reading on a computer. Also, using quotation marks (") is better than an apostrophe ('). It's just easier to read. But if you aren't looking to better your writing and just want to write to express your fantasies, the piece was all right.
Good beginning
I have read alot of stories on here and let me tell you urs is a piece of work.....It kept me interested in the whole way thru and also guess to what happens next ( enjoy stories like that) *PLUS*....Pier's character is something i like also in a guy's control yet gentle LOL so...i kinda was really into it......so PLEASE PLEASE finish i cant wait to read the rest....thanks BSG
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