H D K, you have done it again. Your stories have more twists than a bag of pretzels, and every one of them is
a great read. When I see a story with your name on it, I know that I am in for a very entertaining time. Thank you very much!!!!
by
Anonymous06/01/07
Shame on You!
It is a very old plot, I saw a movie use it 35 years ago.
Not sure what the title had to do with the story, just me I guess?
The abrupt ending was unsatisfying, though there likely wasn't a lot more to say.
The story reached a peak, then about 50 words later it was all over... rover.
Even before the story got to the plan, I wondered why a mechanic at least half good at his job wouldn't go work for someone who paid well, instead of staying and bitching about an arsehole boss??
by
Anonymous06/01/07
Good, but...
...there were some logical problems. For instance, why would the boss be foolish enough to give the money back? He already has exactly what he wants, why risk anything? At the very least, the collateral deal was a huge gamble. The hero of the story should have faked the papers to begin with so he's in a no-lose situation.
And the ending seemed rushed. All in all, a good one, but could have been great with some more polishing.
To the anonymous commentator who decried the logical inconsistencies of this story: The inconsistancies are in your head, not in the story.
The boss had to take back the 10,000 dollars because the agreement as written said that the money was to be paid back within two weeks interest free. The boss did not "give back" the money, as you stated.
And there was no risk involved in the collateral deal as long as the money was returned within two weeks. No offense intended, but one should really read the story before making comments such as yours. If one finds logical inconsistancies, reread the inconsistant parts to be sure you are right before making yourself look like a smacked head (which you did).
Of course, if you post anonymously, you are only one of many likely smacked heads, so I guess it is okay.
Any time I get two HDK stories in the same day is a lucky day indeed. What a sly and twisted mind you have HDK. I just love the way you think! Using their own vices to trick two people and get away with it too!
by
Anonymous06/01/07
Well now.
Proves he was just as good as they were. Dog shit always comes in mounds not pieces.
I didn't see it coming - very clever. I think this one would have fit the humor/satire category better than LW perhaps, but I enjoyed reading the story regardless.
At first I thought whoa, ever hear of usury, that isn't going to be enforceable legally (how much depends on the state), but once I got to the end and saw where it was going I started laughing. He had no reason to go beyond the first day. And he played on the greed of both of them to screw them both over.
Normally I'm not a fan of people getting away with screwing other peoples wives, but I've been a similar situation where I had a boss that paid us the bare minimum he had to and his wife (who wasn't remotely attractive) hounded us like we were trying to steal every chance you got. To answer one question, I didn't quit for four years because I needed a job and had a family. And while I did actually look, it's harder to go on interviews for jobs you "might" not get versus's staying with a job you already know you have. But eventually you get fed up enough that you take a few chances because you stop caring if you are employed or you can get unemployment.
some degree of suspension of belief, or, as William Faulkner put it, “A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.”
Add to that Simone Weil's comment, “Imagination and fiction make up more than three-quarters of our real life”
Now contrast that with what Lord Byron had to say, “For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.”
Do reader's believe that Tom is still white washing that fence? Or that the frogs are still jumping in Calaveras County?
If we can accept that a raven could quoth anything, let alone, "nevermore," why is it so hard to believe a great HDK story? But then maybe I'm just jealous of his great imagination, his ability to outguess me on his plots, and his wicked sense of humor.
Two from HDK in one day or how to make any day a better one! It's always fun to read about users getting used. Great revenge story, they both asked for it.
by
Anonymous06/01/07
My afternoon ...
... was gilded with your stories. Delightful sense of humor. Could be mine. Thank you for good entertainment.
HDK, you have done it again. Only this time, two well-written and interesting stories in one day. (I will record a 100 for "She Said, She Said" as well.) It is good to see one of the really good authors still writing on Lit.com. I am not going to try to critique either of the stories...I will just enjoy them. Thanks, and Cheers!
HDK is the king of Loving Wives humor. And to have two great stories in one day is something to celebrate. I just wish I could have saved one of them to read tomorrow but I have no self control.
by
Anonymous06/01/07
Fun Story Built Around an Old Joke
It was great to inject a double dose of HDK in one day.
by
Anonymous06/01/07
Continue to Enjoy your Yarns
I just wonder what you'll write about when you run out of Beatles themes (hopefully not soon)! I absolutely continue to enjoy how your stories develop.
To Anon. commenter in N.Ireland – I confess to not remembering this one from Chaucer, but let’s assume that HDK did borrow from Chaucer. Is that supposed to be a blemish on the story? My friend, please go to your local library, or better yet Google a bit, and see where did the great Bard find his themes to his tales. After you have found the answers come back over to these pages and we could continue our literary discussion.
I used to get e-mails from some asshole in Nigeria who said he would send a cashiers check to deposit it take my cut and send him the difference. Thank God I knew this was a scam. Some poor people fall for this shit. How you twisted this with that old joke is amazing. Please keep writing. Luis
But enough for him to leave, feeling good about settling his score with his ‘tormentors’. Still, I had to let this one sink in a bit before I could clearly describe how I felt about the story. On one hand I enjoyed the usual delivery of fine tuned level of withheld information, to let us running after the plot like race dogs after the fake rabbit; plus the styled language which always brings the characters to life. On the other, hand, not unlike the sensibility reflected in KANGA’S comment, I was wondering about the premise of the plot, like why he even stayed. And for that matter, why didn’t he get his stuff and leave once he got enough money to do that rather than get a seemingly empty revenge on two people who were both kind of evil and dumb (the boss could not have been THAT dumb to be able to create and successfully maintain a business though …).
But then I came back to his “revenge”. Who was harmed here? – No one, actually; at least not in real terms of social or other externally recognizable conditions. The wife’s pride could have been wounded, but that’s ok – it would help her, and she had it coming. Plus, she did not exactly suffer from what she got herself into. The boss’s money has been returned, and the main beneficiary from the little scheme is our hero and his enriched memories. The boss didn’t even know that there was revenge, although I suspect that he would feel its aftermath, now that his bride knows better…I figured that for time served under harsh and unpleasant conditions and with not enough money to show for it - this little scheme was rather tame indeed.
While the initial question about the un -raised question of him leaving that wretched place lingers, once I cleared in my mind the revenge part, I could suspend my doubts about his early ‘stationary tendencies’ (and even speculate with some answers) as the main thread of the plot remained solid – and of course funny.
DOUBLE THANKS FOR A REALLY GOOD FRIDAY!
After reading some of the comments, I find it very interesting how some of your readers deconstuct stories and submit them to the microscope for deep analysis. I on the otherhand, approach Lit like a meal. Some entrees, I need to poke around at a bit to make sure it's edible. But when I see a story written by HDK, I know I can dig right in just as if it were a cheeseburger. I know what I'm getting and I know what I like, I can savor the flavor, enjoy the entire thing and walk away satified. Yep, HDK is like literary comfort food and I'm never disappointed. Thanks LYG.
by
Anonymous06/01/07
Very Good
I wish this one hadn't been posted on the same day as She Said, She Said.
Now that is a neat little scam!! Hope Rachel wasn't thrown out since he screwed her more ways than two.. I did expect a monetary drain on Sam somehow.. Rachel might be stopping in the shop to talk with him before he quits.
Take away the inflated votes of the writers and you fail any test ever given. The Lit writers show their incompetence and stupidity whenever they post a comment or one of their pitiful storys. This site has gone to the dogs, queers, and piss-poor writers. But, what do I know, I'm only a lowly reader.
by
Anonymous06/03/07
Ummm....
...yes you are.
anyway, liked the story. a bit creative w/ the scam.
by
Anonymous06/03/07
Mea culpa
Kolkore pulled me over my comment about this story being a little Chaucerian. My comment was not intended a a sleight to HDK. Merely as an explanation of my, (uncharacteristically), low rating for this story. I enjoy HDKs writings but Chaucer leapt to mind immediately so I gave low score. Now, on consideration, perhaps it is a measure of how good the story is. If you are interested it reminded me of the Shipmans Tale.
For the ignorants who do not wish to have discussions on the bulletin boards of an on line web site, you can kiss an ugly part of my body! That's what an on line web site is made for, you dim witted Yahoos! It is NOT a voting station where more than one comment is like stuffing the voting box as one "genius" protested; it is not a mood enhancer or destroyer as another whined. You could skip forward if you don't like what you see, good for nothing but curses of two words or less (the same two words) dear fellows. GUESS WHAT? Swallow hard: MORE AND MORE is coming. NOTHING will stop freedom of speech - except by the wish of each author. Live with it or crawl back into your dark caves.
by
Anonymous09/10/07
Hey T Lee
you're a lowly reader? - from your comments I didn't think you could read.
by
Anonymous05/08/08
Trite
A little contrived and not like real life. The scam on the scam was interesting but poorly done.
I'm poor, I drink old wines and eat molted cheese like Stilton.
Talking about old wines, I must have read this story about a year ago and today 10/24/10 I ran into it again not really knowing what to expect till I read Sam Gault that's when I started laughing till the "bitter" end of the story as I remembered it all.
How is that a good thing? A brick shithouse has no shape, and tensds to be full of shit! So she is filthy looking, covered in grafitti, and smells of stale urine? That boy has some misguided taste!
I don't know what kind of a pre-nup either wife could have signed that would leave them with essentially nothing if their husband divorces her without cause.
by
Anonymous12/13/14
fun little story , interesting plot .
would not take much to turn the ideas here into an xmas treat .
little bit of Scrooge
an ugly sister .& a male version of cinderella .
English
Wagon Tongue
H D K, you have done it again. Your stories have more twists than a bag of pretzels, and every one of them is
a great read. When I see a story with your name on it, I know that I am in for a very entertaining time. Thank you very much!!!!
Shame on You!
It is a very old plot, I saw a movie use it 35 years ago.
Good Will
The Nigerian minister's son is hilarious. I got those mails quite a few times.
Not as good as today's other one
Not sure what the title had to do with the story, just me I guess?
The abrupt ending was unsatisfying, though there likely wasn't a lot more to say.
The story reached a peak, then about 50 words later it was all over... rover.
Even before the story got to the plan, I wondered why a mechanic at least half good at his job wouldn't go work for someone who paid well, instead of staying and bitching about an arsehole boss??
Good, but...
...there were some logical problems. For instance, why would the boss be foolish enough to give the money back? He already has exactly what he wants, why risk anything? At the very least, the collateral deal was a huge gamble. The hero of the story should have faked the papers to begin with so he's in a no-lose situation.
And the ending seemed rushed. All in all, a good one, but could have been great with some more polishing.
OK this one I loved
Much better and more consistent than SHE SAID SHE SAID. Good story but does Rachel want to fuck jim again b/c she has great sex and is Now wealthy?
I would think so
No suspension of logic in this one
To the anonymous commentator who decried the logical inconsistencies of this story: The inconsistancies are in your head, not in the story.
The boss had to take back the 10,000 dollars because the agreement as written said that the money was to be paid back within two weeks interest free. The boss did not "give back" the money, as you stated.
And there was no risk involved in the collateral deal as long as the money was returned within two weeks. No offense intended, but one should really read the story before making comments such as yours. If one finds logical inconsistancies, reread the inconsistant parts to be sure you are right before making yourself look like a smacked head (which you did).
Of course, if you post anonymously, you are only one of many likely smacked heads, so I guess it is okay.
Sorry but...
sounds a bit like one of Chaucers.
I'm going out and getting a lottery ticket today!
Any time I get two HDK stories in the same day is a lucky day indeed. What a sly and twisted mind you have HDK. I just love the way you think! Using their own vices to trick two people and get away with it too!
Well now.
Proves he was just as good as they were. Dog shit always comes in mounds not pieces.
Funny story
I didn't see it coming - very clever. I think this one would have fit the humor/satire category better than LW perhaps, but I enjoyed reading the story regardless.
Another one
2 in one day? we are indeed blessed.
Ok, I thought this was too funny
At first I thought whoa, ever hear of usury, that isn't going to be enforceable legally (how much depends on the state), but once I got to the end and saw where it was going I started laughing. He had no reason to go beyond the first day. And he played on the greed of both of them to screw them both over.
Normally I'm not a fan of people getting away with screwing other peoples wives, but I've been a similar situation where I had a boss that paid us the bare minimum he had to and his wife (who wasn't remotely attractive) hounded us like we were trying to steal every chance you got. To answer one question, I didn't quit for four years because I needed a job and had a family. And while I did actually look, it's harder to go on interviews for jobs you "might" not get versus's staying with a job you already know you have. But eventually you get fed up enough that you take a few chances because you stop caring if you are employed or you can get unemployment.
Funny story HDK
-Risq
The whole point of fiction is reading with
some degree of suspension of belief, or, as William Faulkner put it, “A writer is congenitally unable to tell the truth and that is why we call what he writes fiction.”
Add to that Simone Weil's comment, “Imagination and fiction make up more than three-quarters of our real life”
Now contrast that with what Lord Byron had to say, “For truth is always strange; stranger than fiction.”
Do reader's believe that Tom is still white washing that fence? Or that the frogs are still jumping in Calaveras County?
If we can accept that a raven could quoth anything, let alone, "nevermore," why is it so hard to believe a great HDK story? But then maybe I'm just jealous of his great imagination, his ability to outguess me on his plots, and his wicked sense of humor.
It was a great read ... I ask nothing more!
Regards, Jack
A pair of winners?
Two from HDK in one day or how to make any day a better one! It's always fun to read about users getting used. Great revenge story, they both asked for it.
My afternoon ...
... was gilded with your stories. Delightful sense of humor. Could be mine. Thank you for good entertainment.
Nucleus
great read
i wonder where you get these ideas. great tale.
Two in one day!!!
HDK, you have done it again. Only this time, two well-written and interesting stories in one day. (I will record a 100 for "She Said, She Said" as well.) It is good to see one of the really good authors still writing on Lit.com. I am not going to try to critique either of the stories...I will just enjoy them. Thanks, and Cheers!
Has Simon Cowell would say
"not you best, but not your worse."
I'm am now smoking a cigar and laughing like hell
Just wonderful to have two peices of humorous life to make my day so much more bright. Thank you for this great lift to my spirits.PT
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...need I say more....
Another funny story.
HDK is the king of Loving Wives humor. And to have two great stories in one day is something to celebrate. I just wish I could have saved one of them to read tomorrow but I have no self control.
Fun Story Built Around an Old Joke
It was great to inject a double dose of HDK in one day.
Continue to Enjoy your Yarns
I just wonder what you'll write about when you run out of Beatles themes (hopefully not soon)! I absolutely continue to enjoy how your stories develop.
Another Philly Guy
And what if Chaucer???
To Anon. commenter in N.Ireland – I confess to not remembering this one from Chaucer, but let’s assume that HDK did borrow from Chaucer. Is that supposed to be a blemish on the story? My friend, please go to your local library, or better yet Google a bit, and see where did the great Bard find his themes to his tales. After you have found the answers come back over to these pages and we could continue our literary discussion.
good twist
I used to get e-mails from some asshole in Nigeria who said he would send a cashiers check to deposit it take my cut and send him the difference. Thank God I knew this was a scam. Some poor people fall for this shit. How you twisted this with that old joke is amazing. Please keep writing. Luis
Not too much of a revenge…
But enough for him to leave, feeling good about settling his score with his ‘tormentors’. Still, I had to let this one sink in a bit before I could clearly describe how I felt about the story. On one hand I enjoyed the usual delivery of fine tuned level of withheld information, to let us running after the plot like race dogs after the fake rabbit; plus the styled language which always brings the characters to life. On the other, hand, not unlike the sensibility reflected in KANGA’S comment, I was wondering about the premise of the plot, like why he even stayed. And for that matter, why didn’t he get his stuff and leave once he got enough money to do that rather than get a seemingly empty revenge on two people who were both kind of evil and dumb (the boss could not have been THAT dumb to be able to create and successfully maintain a business though …).
But then I came back to his “revenge”. Who was harmed here? – No one, actually; at least not in real terms of social or other externally recognizable conditions. The wife’s pride could have been wounded, but that’s ok – it would help her, and she had it coming. Plus, she did not exactly suffer from what she got herself into. The boss’s money has been returned, and the main beneficiary from the little scheme is our hero and his enriched memories. The boss didn’t even know that there was revenge, although I suspect that he would feel its aftermath, now that his bride knows better…I figured that for time served under harsh and unpleasant conditions and with not enough money to show for it - this little scheme was rather tame indeed.
While the initial question about the un -raised question of him leaving that wretched place lingers, once I cleared in my mind the revenge part, I could suspend my doubts about his early ‘stationary tendencies’ (and even speculate with some answers) as the main thread of the plot remained solid – and of course funny.
DOUBLE THANKS FOR A REALLY GOOD FRIDAY!
Yes children, a free lunch is still available.
After reading some of the comments, I find it very interesting how some of your readers deconstuct stories and submit them to the microscope for deep analysis. I on the otherhand, approach Lit like a meal. Some entrees, I need to poke around at a bit to make sure it's edible. But when I see a story written by HDK, I know I can dig right in just as if it were a cheeseburger. I know what I'm getting and I know what I like, I can savor the flavor, enjoy the entire thing and walk away satified. Yep, HDK is like literary comfort food and I'm never disappointed. Thanks LYG.
Very Good
I wish this one hadn't been posted on the same day as She Said, She Said.
Boyd
Exquisite!
Laughing my fucking ass off.
Very Cute
Thank goodness for a true adult story, one with a good storyline, dialogue, humor, and plot development. I enjoyed it, HDK. Thanks for sharing.
the twists and turns of the plot
are right up there with the best of HDK's stories, which are up there with the best stories on the site. Thanks for another winner! ohio
Good story
Now that is a neat little scam!! Hope Rachel wasn't thrown out since he screwed her more ways than two.. I did expect a monetary drain on Sam somehow.. Rachel might be stopping in the shop to talk with him before he quits.
Bullshit
Take away the inflated votes of the writers and you fail any test ever given. The Lit writers show their incompetence and stupidity whenever they post a comment or one of their pitiful storys. This site has gone to the dogs, queers, and piss-poor writers. But, what do I know, I'm only a lowly reader.
Ummm....
...yes you are.
anyway, liked the story. a bit creative w/ the scam.
Mea culpa
Kolkore pulled me over my comment about this story being a little Chaucerian. My comment was not intended a a sleight to HDK. Merely as an explanation of my, (uncharacteristically), low rating for this story. I enjoy HDKs writings but Chaucer leapt to mind immediately so I gave low score. Now, on consideration, perhaps it is a measure of how good the story is. If you are interested it reminded me of the Shipmans Tale.
A special to the intolerant ignorants,
For the ignorants who do not wish to have discussions on the bulletin boards of an on line web site, you can kiss an ugly part of my body! That's what an on line web site is made for, you dim witted Yahoos! It is NOT a voting station where more than one comment is like stuffing the voting box as one "genius" protested; it is not a mood enhancer or destroyer as another whined. You could skip forward if you don't like what you see, good for nothing but curses of two words or less (the same two words) dear fellows. GUESS WHAT? Swallow hard: MORE AND MORE is coming. NOTHING will stop freedom of speech - except by the wish of each author. Live with it or crawl back into your dark caves.
Hey T Lee
you're a lowly reader? - from your comments I didn't think you could read.
Trite
A little contrived and not like real life. The scam on the scam was interesting but poorly done.
Very Funny
Humor is alive and well in Literotica
I'm poor, I drink old wines and eat molted cheese like Stilton.
Talking about old wines, I must have read this story about a year ago and today 10/24/10 I ran into it again not really knowing what to expect till I read Sam Gault that's when I started laughing till the "bitter" end of the story as I remembered it all.
Great Story!!
This one is funny as they get. Thanks for sharing.
YOU CAN FOOL SOME OF THE PEOPLE SOMETIME
but there is always the other one. TK U MLJ LV NV
I gave it 5 stars ...
... the only thing better than hard fucking a hot bitch in the ass is fucking the bosse's hot bitch in the ass.
Panther Fan.
Thanks for the effort.
The old Nigerian Finance Minister scam
Ya hafta love a double cross that catches two penny-pinchers and includes a buncha kinky sex!
Great plot idea! That's been the most fun out of a short story I've had in a while.
She was built like brick shithouse
How is that a good thing? A brick shithouse has no shape, and tensds to be full of shit! So she is filthy looking, covered in grafitti, and smells of stale urine? That boy has some misguided taste!
Pre-Nup
I don't know what kind of a pre-nup either wife could have signed that would leave them with essentially nothing if their husband divorces her without cause.
fun little story , interesting plot .
would not take much to turn the ideas here into an xmas treat .
little bit of Scrooge
an ugly sister .& a male version of cinderella .
end result would be a classic pantomime
xxxhugsxxx
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