- All
Comments (12) - Add a
Comment
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
~
Really like the last strophe and first strophe and these lines: "Head first, eyes open, teeth-bared wide smile grinning like a madman." I guess the only part I'm not crazy about is "and immerse myself and my soul into her, wholly." Kind of weak compared to the rest.
This is an excellent (and chilling) poem
I'm not sure who the subject of the poem is, but I know people I've felt about in the way you describe. You have a nice ambiguous tension between adoration and being smothered, so the outcome is forgivable, maybe. . . I like poems that end with a question that leaves much to the reader's imagination. I'd nitpick the first strophe, which is not as strong as those that follow, probably because there's too much abstraction in it now. Even that would be ok, I think, if you got rid of some of the extra, unnecessary words. All in all though, a really wonderful read...good poetry here!
~
A year of lost days cannot be more beautifully expressed as you did with the 365 feet. So cold and final, but as all of these situations tend to do, we've been left with more questions than the one answer provides. Love it!
big hand on E
a well deserved thought out write...blue
Shoulda.............
...left a comment yesterday. I was frantically trying to get my review in before anyone else - VD beat me.
I read your explanation in the PDF and it gave me a whole new interpretation. Like Ange, I found it a little chilling and didn't understand why until I read what you said there. It conveys feelings many of us get but certainly can't express so eloquently.
Tess
^
A well deserved E. Complex feelings convey beautifully.
interesting
I like that it leaves me feeling like I'm not getting everything, but then I'm frustrated by that same impression. Thanks for the challenge.
yes!
I have heard comments on this poem and saw your link to the Saluda...and finally got over to read it! Thank you for the trip in this consumption, this letting go, theis journey to end all, beautiful and yes, chilling!
Wow!
I think it's more difficult to write a poem worthy of a green E than it is to write a story. Congratulations.
It's a gift to write so few words and to say so much. You are truly gifted with your skill for the language.
playing catch up
i've been going through some of your oldies, but goodies, and boy, you don't disappoint. this is a gorgeous arrangement of vocabulary. makes me glad for every second my eyes spent traveling these lines. thsnk you.
Simply marvellous
I love the way that you don't drown the reader in detail but leave them to work on the poem for themselves. beautiful use of language - no words wasted.
F
very nice
i really liked it. you should check out some of my stuff. i'd like to see what you think. again...very nice.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to downing her or
More submissions by normal jean.