sorry, but this is not well written and full of gaffs. You can do better and I look forward to your next attmpt at what could be a very hot story.... I think you know what I mean.
by
Anonymous06/12/07
English?
You might want to take a refresher course in English! Your story line is pretty good and look forward to more stories from you.
by
Anonymous06/12/07
bad edit
due to poor editing the use of his her etc is out of context and the story was ruined. No continuity when you have to reread the sentence to make any sense of the thought. Needs work.
by
Anonymous06/12/07
nice idea...
...but execution was terrible. Straight into the "seduction", no background or build-up, and the story is in desperate need of an editor. Just not good, sorry. Cut & paste it into your Word file, and see what you did wrong, then resubmit.
by
Anonymous06/12/07
Poorly done all around
In addition to the obvious grammar flubs, lack of editing, and lack of story/character development....the story seems to have been written by someone who has had NO sexual experiences (at least not a male) and hasn't a clue about anatomy. Pinching the nose of a supposedly sleeping person will not cause the person to involuntarily swallow - IT WILL CAUSE THE PERSON TO BREATHE THROUGH HIS/HER MOUTH, in this case, she would have inhaled his cum into her lungs....and, if she were truly sleeping, the involuntary choking might cause the jaw to open and close, possibly chomping the teeth into the man's cock....not a very erotic ending. In addition to an editor, try to do some research into heterosexuality and anatomy.
Hey Frisky... Ignore all the professional comments in here... The stories are supposed to turn us on and make us want to masterbate. Not looking for perfection. Your story made me feel good. ty
Hey Frisky... Did you notice that all of the so called professional comments names were "anonymous"
They are punks messing with you... Please continue writing... :-)
by
Anonymous06/13/07
Story?
Somewhere between the bad editing, lousy grammar and assorted spelling errors there may have been a story. However, it had to have been after the first paragraph and I quit before that.
Good luck in your chosen profession. It won't be as an author.
by
Anonymous06/13/07
Hmm...
Left me feeling like maybe you really are only a "frisky VIRGIN."
by
Anonymous06/13/07
Did You Know....?
"Shit your tight sis." Marc whispered.
.... That there were FOUR things "wrong" in this short sentence alone? There are a couple ways to remedy it:
(1) "Shit, you'RE tight, sis," Marc whispered.
(2) "Shit! You ARE tight, sis," Marc whispered.
(3) "Shit! You'RE tight, sis," Marc whispered.
(4) "Shit...You'RE tight, sis," Marc whispered.
(5) "Shit...You ARE tight, sis," Marc whispered.
Simple English grammAR demands that you put a comma RIGHT IMMEDIATELY AFTER the word "shit," at the very least! "Shit" is, believe it or not, a complete thought (a complete "sentence")!
All you have to say is... "Shit!"... and people immediately understand all its ramification! :o)
by
06/13/07
:)
This was a good Start, If you Continue to write, it will become better. But I was hot.
It takes a helluva lot for me to not get turned on by a sibling incest story. You managed it.
An achievement... of sorts.
by
Anonymous07/15/07
...nope
At least learn when to say he and she correctly. "She played with my breasts" or "and finally got my fingers in my pussy." Who is doing what to whom???
Sucked ass!
by
Anonymous07/26/07
Interesting Idea, Poor Execution
Sorry, but your poor grammar and lack of editing really turned me off. Half the time you use "my", then for no reason "her". Also, at the beginning of the story she is 25 and the brother 23, but at the end, the brother is older and the sister younger. Please edit your stories, or better yet, find someone to edit them for you. As it is, I wouldn't bother reading another one.
loved the story coz sibling sex always get me hot, if people wanna comment on yor bad gramma or spellin let them become skewl teechers or else shut the fuk up
You have the nerve to insult us with this sloppy excuse for writing? Everyone i knew wrote better than that when I was in the fourth grade. You must be one of the new 'smart' ones who think they've outsmarted the teachers. The teachers just pass you along and say to hell with it. Nobody else gives a shit so why should they? If they try to make one you little bastards mind or pay attention, THEY gets chastised for trying to do their job. That's why we see so many of you cripples trying to pass yourself off as educated adults. I'm not all that worried about you being offended by my comments because you probably can't read most of what I've written. Sad, isn't it? (Pathetic is a more accurate description)
Incidentally, I didn't read very far into your trash heap. Whatever you wrote gives incest a bad name.
by
Anonymous04/15/11
so much potential
this had a lot of potential but it sucked. go take your lame ass writing somewhere else.
by
Anonymous09/06/12
The Troubles Of Being Horny
I was reading this jerking off, and my mum came in- Anonymous
by
Anonymous10/05/12
Love this..
I so enjoy the skin on skin, bareback family fucking. Nothing better than having your brother's load deep in your womb.
by
Anonymous10/14/12
Poor story telling
If your going to make up a story in the first person, try to use the first person throughout the story.
by
Anonymous10/15/12
Couldn't read
past the first change of tense. If you even know what that means.
by
Anonymous10/15/12
o.O
aww, keep it in first person perspective, i cant get into ifmt. ruined the story o.O
by
Anonymous10/19/12
I was masterbating to this and forget i had my bestfriend coming over at that time
AWKWARD!
by
Anonymous10/24/12
hot and confused
You said that he was fucking his little sister but how if ur 25 and he's 23?
by
Anonymous11/08/12
this bitch is lieing i did not fuck her i walked in and told her go in her room what the fuck
by
Anonymous12/03/12
ILLEGIBLE
may have been a good story..couldn't tell just couldn't make head nor tale of what was going on switching tense, And from one 1st person to another 1st person (sister to brother) atleast i think that was the attempt?. Then to 3rd person wth? some one needs some english lessons or to go back to school i never normaly expect much standards in grammer from erotic stories hell im not great myself but damn if ur gonna post it online in "english" atleast learn the damn language first just one mans opinion i guess but poor over all
by
Anonymous02/21/13
What
Why would u let your brother fuck u anyways if my little bro fucked me I would hate him
Do us all a favour and stop writing, it just isn't your thing.
by
Anonymous12/23/13
brother cock
I'm a 55 Year old woman who recently let my 57 year old brother fuck me. It was really good. He was well hung and long lasting and a heavy cummer. We are both widowed and thinking of moving in together, I want more of his hot cock.
by
Anonymous07/20/14
3/5
Sexy story, but there were too many inconsistencies. You used "her" and "my" many times where you meant "my" and "his" respectively. There's no buildup in the story whatsoever. You give no reason as to why the narrator decides to fuck her brother, nor do you have any sort of drive for the male either. A man doesn't come home to see his sister sleeping and suddenly decide to fuck her for the first time. Not to mention the doubt behind "sleeping" through it all. Nobody sleeps that deep.
by
Anonymous07/29/14
hardasRock
I tell you I am hard as a rock, 10 inches and getting bigger, 4 inches round I could rock your world, if I had her for 3 hours.
by
Anonymous10/12/14
wtf
wtf was that...and i am not commenting on this story with my name but just as an anonymous ...
i really liked it the first time i sucked my brother he did the same thing he looked at my pussy and played with my tits why i played sleep
by
Anonymous05/28/16
weird
Easy to see that this is some guy writing a weird fantasy.
by
Anonymous10/02/16
poor read
get an editor so the story follows through clearly
by
Anonymous10/27/16
Been there also
One night I came home drunk I was 18 yrs.. Me and my brother got playing. In a while he was on top of me and I could feel his cock, it was hard. Some playing and before I knew it we were naked and he was sticking his cock in me . Had a wonderful fuck , we still doing it.
by
Anonymous12/14/16
Fictional
This is so fucking illiterate and cancerous, I can feel tumors growing on my ass. Seriously. You're fucking idiotic for enjoying this. It's your relative! >~> I don't have to stand here and read this, you cancerous twat.
by
Anonymous01/01/17
This is so fake! I looks absolutely fake! I hate it!
by
Anonymous02/06/17
For mature Whatsapp dating, sex chat group +video chat, and sex videos........
Please add +2349067719219 now!
English
nice try, but does;t get it done....
sorry, but this is not well written and full of gaffs. You can do better and I look forward to your next attmpt at what could be a very hot story.... I think you know what I mean.
English?
You might want to take a refresher course in English! Your story line is pretty good and look forward to more stories from you.
bad edit
due to poor editing the use of his her etc is out of context and the story was ruined. No continuity when you have to reread the sentence to make any sense of the thought. Needs work.
nice idea...
...but execution was terrible. Straight into the "seduction", no background or build-up, and the story is in desperate need of an editor. Just not good, sorry. Cut & paste it into your Word file, and see what you did wrong, then resubmit.
Poorly done all around
In addition to the obvious grammar flubs, lack of editing, and lack of story/character development....the story seems to have been written by someone who has had NO sexual experiences (at least not a male) and hasn't a clue about anatomy. Pinching the nose of a supposedly sleeping person will not cause the person to involuntarily swallow - IT WILL CAUSE THE PERSON TO BREATHE THROUGH HIS/HER MOUTH, in this case, she would have inhaled his cum into her lungs....and, if she were truly sleeping, the involuntary choking might cause the jaw to open and close, possibly chomping the teeth into the man's cock....not a very erotic ending. In addition to an editor, try to do some research into heterosexuality and anatomy.
it was hot
Hey Frisky... Ignore all the professional comments in here... The stories are supposed to turn us on and make us want to masterbate. Not looking for perfection. Your story made me feel good. ty
Give Frisky a break
Hey Frisky... Did you notice that all of the so called professional comments names were "anonymous"
They are punks messing with you... Please continue writing... :-)
Story?
Somewhere between the bad editing, lousy grammar and assorted spelling errors there may have been a story. However, it had to have been after the first paragraph and I quit before that.
Good luck in your chosen profession. It won't be as an author.
Hmm...
Left me feeling like maybe you really are only a "frisky VIRGIN."
Did You Know....?
"Shit your tight sis." Marc whispered.
.... That there were FOUR things "wrong" in this short sentence alone? There are a couple ways to remedy it:
(1) "Shit, you'RE tight, sis," Marc whispered.
(2) "Shit! You ARE tight, sis," Marc whispered.
(3) "Shit! You'RE tight, sis," Marc whispered.
(4) "Shit...You'RE tight, sis," Marc whispered.
(5) "Shit...You ARE tight, sis," Marc whispered.
Simple English grammAR demands that you put a comma RIGHT IMMEDIATELY AFTER the word "shit," at the very least! "Shit" is, believe it or not, a complete thought (a complete "sentence")!
All you have to say is... "Shit!"... and people immediately understand all its ramification! :o)
:)
This was a good Start, If you Continue to write, it will become better. But I was hot.
Terrible
It takes a helluva lot for me to not get turned on by a sibling incest story. You managed it.
An achievement... of sorts.
...nope
At least learn when to say he and she correctly. "She played with my breasts" or "and finally got my fingers in my pussy." Who is doing what to whom???
Sucked ass!
Interesting Idea, Poor Execution
Sorry, but your poor grammar and lack of editing really turned me off. Half the time you use "my", then for no reason "her". Also, at the beginning of the story she is 25 and the brother 23, but at the end, the brother is older and the sister younger. Please edit your stories, or better yet, find someone to edit them for you. As it is, I wouldn't bother reading another one.
good story bad comments
loved the story coz sibling sex always get me hot, if people wanna comment on yor bad gramma or spellin let them become skewl teechers or else shut the fuk up
P.U.
Your story was bad and you should feel bad.
he or she or huh?
very confusing with your he/she, him/hers
way too many spelling mistakes
Highly unlikely.
Disgusting excuse for 'writing'.
You have the nerve to insult us with this sloppy excuse for writing? Everyone i knew wrote better than that when I was in the fourth grade. You must be one of the new 'smart' ones who think they've outsmarted the teachers. The teachers just pass you along and say to hell with it. Nobody else gives a shit so why should they? If they try to make one you little bastards mind or pay attention, THEY gets chastised for trying to do their job. That's why we see so many of you cripples trying to pass yourself off as educated adults. I'm not all that worried about you being offended by my comments because you probably can't read most of what I've written. Sad, isn't it? (Pathetic is a more accurate description)
Incidentally, I didn't read very far into your trash heap. Whatever you wrote gives incest a bad name.
so much potential
this had a lot of potential but it sucked. go take your lame ass writing somewhere else.
The Troubles Of Being Horny
I was reading this jerking off, and my mum came in- Anonymous
Love this..
I so enjoy the skin on skin, bareback family fucking. Nothing better than having your brother's load deep in your womb.
Poor story telling
If your going to make up a story in the first person, try to use the first person throughout the story.
Couldn't read
past the first change of tense. If you even know what that means.
o.O
aww, keep it in first person perspective, i cant get into ifmt. ruined the story o.O
I was masterbating to this and forget i had my bestfriend coming over at that time
AWKWARD!
hot and confused
You said that he was fucking his little sister but how if ur 25 and he's 23?
this bitch is lieing i did not fuck her i walked in and told her go in her room what the fuck
ILLEGIBLE
may have been a good story..couldn't tell just couldn't make head nor tale of what was going on switching tense, And from one 1st person to another 1st person (sister to brother) atleast i think that was the attempt?. Then to 3rd person wth? some one needs some english lessons or to go back to school i never normaly expect much standards in grammer from erotic stories hell im not great myself but damn if ur gonna post it online in "english" atleast learn the damn language first just one mans opinion i guess but poor over all
What
Why would u let your brother fuck u anyways if my little bro fucked me I would hate him
Zero Zero Zero Stupid!
Do us all a favour and stop writing, it just isn't your thing.
brother cock
I'm a 55 Year old woman who recently let my 57 year old brother fuck me. It was really good. He was well hung and long lasting and a heavy cummer. We are both widowed and thinking of moving in together, I want more of his hot cock.
3/5
Sexy story, but there were too many inconsistencies. You used "her" and "my" many times where you meant "my" and "his" respectively. There's no buildup in the story whatsoever. You give no reason as to why the narrator decides to fuck her brother, nor do you have any sort of drive for the male either. A man doesn't come home to see his sister sleeping and suddenly decide to fuck her for the first time. Not to mention the doubt behind "sleeping" through it all. Nobody sleeps that deep.
hardasRock
I tell you I am hard as a rock, 10 inches and getting bigger, 4 inches round I could rock your world, if I had her for 3 hours.
wtf
wtf was that...and i am not commenting on this story with my name but just as an anonymous ...
😶
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Amazing! It got me hot and flushed!
like wow wft
Extreme sexual shit
your English is horrible.
Go back to school, take English again and this time try to pay attention! AND PASS!
Disgusting 😠
Ok really it says your older stop lying
Why you always lying you twenty five he twenty three of four how are you the little sister stop lying
i liked it
i really liked it the first time i sucked my brother he did the same thing he looked at my pussy and played with my tits why i played sleep
weird
Easy to see that this is some guy writing a weird fantasy.
poor read
get an editor so the story follows through clearly
Been there also
One night I came home drunk I was 18 yrs.. Me and my brother got playing. In a while he was on top of me and I could feel his cock, it was hard. Some playing and before I knew it we were naked and he was sticking his cock in me . Had a wonderful fuck , we still doing it.
Fictional
This is so fucking illiterate and cancerous, I can feel tumors growing on my ass. Seriously. You're fucking idiotic for enjoying this. It's your relative! >~> I don't have to stand here and read this, you cancerous twat.
This is so fake! I looks absolutely fake! I hate it!
For mature Whatsapp dating, sex chat group +video chat, and sex videos........
Please add +2349067719219 now!
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