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David Dreamscape Ch. 01

bypagangirl©
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by Anonymous

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by m1k306/15/07

Nice start...

It's a nice start, although it seems a little less polished than your other works, perhaps because of its brevity. Or perhaps it's missing a smooth transition from various... time contexts... like from dreaming to real time and from being intimate to locking the door... the story changed sort of abruptly without the characters reflecting that context change explicitly, like by being surpreised, disappointed, or whatever.

Then again, I'm probally just fighting off a flu or something and it's affecting my head...

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by walkingeagle06/16/07

Great Job! Extremly erotic, very sexy!

I'm really enjoying this! Please hurry with more!

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by skip.6910/04/07

Loved it

I always enjoy your stories, pagan. I usually find that I can transform myself to the character in your story, and imagine it is me about whom you are writing.

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