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It'll be HOT when they finally get together!
OK, so the chapters are a little short. It's not that big a deal, and I think if we're patient and give her a chance, she'll make it well worth the wait.
T0nst3rs - Excellent job again! There was a little confusion at the beginning when you confused the pronouns in the first paragraph of the 2nd section, "Oh god she looks great she thought," but honestly, that was the only issue I could find with your writing. You're doing a great job, and I can't wait for them to get together! With a Scorpio writing the story, it has to sizzle!
Perfect
Don't let anyone tell you different. The story is perfect so far. Can't wait for more!
Good
I think your whole story is going to be fantastic but I, like others, am getting frustrated at the short chapters. I will probably read the whole story from start to finish once it is all published - it loses some of it's enjoyment.
Great
Loved it.
Intrigue?
Ok, I'm going to be brief... where's the intrigue? I'm sure this is only because of the shortness of the chapters, as you haven't yet finished establishing the story... When will it actually start, then? Or is this what you were aiming for: loads and loads of description of a perfect date and the ultimate romance?
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