but there is way more to this story, obviously. It was only one page, and perhaps you should have added a second page or so, and really let us get to know the characters and most importantly, the conflict at the heart of the plot. You only just hinted at the conflict in the last paragraph, and even a few sentences more would have made this much better. Anyhow, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
by
Anonymous06/24/07
Good one-page teaser...
I hope there's going to be more of the character development. This appears to be one where too much graphic detail may actually detract from the eventual story!
by
Anonymous06/24/07
Good start
I wanna know what was on the video please continue the story
English
a good start
but there is way more to this story, obviously. It was only one page, and perhaps you should have added a second page or so, and really let us get to know the characters and most importantly, the conflict at the heart of the plot. You only just hinted at the conflict in the last paragraph, and even a few sentences more would have made this much better. Anyhow, I'm looking forward to the next chapter.
Good one-page teaser...
I hope there's going to be more of the character development. This appears to be one where too much graphic detail may actually detract from the eventual story!
Good start
I wanna know what was on the video please continue the story
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