I like CFNM stories so maybe I'm prejudiced. She plays the role you gave her well. Will she come back for more? Will she bring a friend? Try again, please!
This would have got a higher rating if you had checked your work before posting. Get someone to read it through for you and it will improve your writing no end. The story itself was hot and I really enjoyed it.
Millie
by
Anonymous05/23/08
fantastic
I've never red a such good story.Plese write another story about cfnm like this one
by
Anonymous09/16/08
Needs an editor
The story was well told, and the details were there, but please use a Lit editor for any other stories that you may write.
You have the ability to put a vision in the reader's head, but there were many errors. It seems as though the spell check was used, but the words were incorrect. Look for a Lit editor and have them read over any future post.
I think it is time for the rest of this story I would have loved for her to make him clean her knickers with his tongue after he came in them - maybe when he wakes the next morning she is standing next to his bed and making him wear her clothes
by
Anonymous10/21/11
editor please
editor editor editor way to many stupid errors that you should have caught if you had proof read this and would have been caught by a good editor.
I have read the other user comments. I must admit that I only made it through the first two paragraphs before I had to stop. I usually don't leave a comment unless I have something good to say, but I'm going to make an exception here.
Perhaps if I'd gone on, I would have found a good story, but working through the typos wore me out. I know I make mistakes in my stories too, but hopefully not so many in each paragraph.
I agree with the person who left feedback and said, "Editor, editor, editor". This story needed more than any I've read.
English
ok
u know i think it is a good try. atleast u posted someting and i encuage u to wright more.
AWSOME
GREAT--KEEP IT UP
Great
keep it up fella!!
Nice
I like CFNM stories so maybe I'm prejudiced. She plays the role you gave her well. Will she come back for more? Will she bring a friend? Try again, please!
A Good First Story
This would have got a higher rating if you had checked your work before posting. Get someone to read it through for you and it will improve your writing no end. The story itself was hot and I really enjoyed it.
Millie
fantastic
I've never red a such good story.Plese write another story about cfnm like this one
Needs an editor
The story was well told, and the details were there, but please use a Lit editor for any other stories that you may write.
You have the ability to put a vision in the reader's head, but there were many errors. It seems as though the spell check was used, but the words were incorrect. Look for a Lit editor and have them read over any future post.
Nice
Loved it. I would like to read more.
Please do not !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
It was a good read, all but the religious words, can't you write without defiling the word GOD. Huh ?????????????????
a turn on! i think it would have been cool to have been naked for my sister. Why not add her dressing him up?
The next morning
I think it is time for the rest of this story I would have loved for her to make him clean her knickers with his tongue after he came in them - maybe when he wakes the next morning she is standing next to his bed and making him wear her clothes
editor please
editor editor editor way to many stupid errors that you should have caught if you had proof read this and would have been caught by a good editor.
Two Paragraphs
I have read the other user comments. I must admit that I only made it through the first two paragraphs before I had to stop. I usually don't leave a comment unless I have something good to say, but I'm going to make an exception here.
Perhaps if I'd gone on, I would have found a good story, but working through the typos wore me out. I know I make mistakes in my stories too, but hopefully not so many in each paragraph.
I agree with the person who left feedback and said, "Editor, editor, editor". This story needed more than any I've read.
Gina
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