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English
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I liked the feel of this but, that said, it feels a little weak in places. “tender lips”, “soft, wistful kiss”, and “lonely beat”, in my opinion, are expressions too often used to be worthy of your poetry. You know I like your writing, or I wouldn’t be bothering to leave a babbling comment. :)
The rhythm in this is delicious, and I’m ashamed to say I didn’t catch it on the first read-through. I went around and around with the last sentence, and something feels not quite right about it. Fishy, if you will. It’s like trout that smells bad but you’re just not quite sure if you should toss it or not. It feels like there’s more to this poem that you edited out, or didn’t let out onto the paper. Or perhaps I need a nap. Maybe both?
Please do keep posting. And please do keep not being offended by honest opinions. It’s ever so refreshing. :)
cool poem
I always like your poetry. It's different, interesting, a pleasure to read.
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