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All Comments on 'Gabriel'

by Ricardostgeorge

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  • 3 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
Where's the Buildup?

Sorry, you lost me in the 4th little paragraph by laying everything out without any build-up or details. You have to work on a reader's interest and involvement to your story, not just throw in a wham-bam we had sex statement.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 17 years ago
the seduction

it would be more of a turn on if you describe the seduction.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
Nice one

Lucky guy

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