Very hot but needs editing. Somewhat confused writing spoils the effect. You have talent but must be careful.
by
Anonymous07/25/07
Great incest
I loved it. My cock got erect and felt wonderful as I masturbated while reading your story. One of the wonders of technology is being able to jack off to a story written by a woman in Australia while I am in the USA. Some fun.
by
Anonymous07/26/07
all over
the story is being told from one persons veiw point but it seems to be jumping all over
hard to follow
by
Anonymous10/28/10
Lame
Good story. But wayyyy too confusing. Needs a ton of editing.
by
Anonymous08/19/13
Please make up your mind!
Very hard to follow- was it you or her or them or who? You keep flipping back and forth from first to third person story telling.
A hot story, poorly executed. It got confusing as to who was doing what to whom, and, at the end, Jessica suddenly became Michelle, unless Michelle was the narrator, suddenly referred to in the third person.
It needed a good editor to straighten out the tense and clunky wording, but the basic plot was hot.
English
Very hot
Very hot but needs editing. Somewhat confused writing spoils the effect. You have talent but must be careful.
Great incest
I loved it. My cock got erect and felt wonderful as I masturbated while reading your story. One of the wonders of technology is being able to jack off to a story written by a woman in Australia while I am in the USA. Some fun.
all over
the story is being told from one persons veiw point but it seems to be jumping all over
hard to follow
Lame
Good story. But wayyyy too confusing. Needs a ton of editing.
Please make up your mind!
Very hard to follow- was it you or her or them or who? You keep flipping back and forth from first to third person story telling.
I have to agree with the others
A hot story, poorly executed. It got confusing as to who was doing what to whom, and, at the end, Jessica suddenly became Michelle, unless Michelle was the narrator, suddenly referred to in the third person.
It needed a good editor to straighten out the tense and clunky wording, but the basic plot was hot.
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