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Amateurish and you need an editor
You have the core of a good story here, but your writing is very amateurish (somewhat like a 15 year-old's fantasies). It also needs a good copy edit for grammar, noun-verb agreement, etc. You have potential but would benefit from having one of the Lit voluntary editors go through your story before publishing it.
o dear, that was harsh feedback!
Yes there were some structural problems and yes, the grammar could have been a little better but the underpinning (or could it be overarching) eroticism was ten times better than many on here. A good effort bravely executed. Perhaps an editor could have helped you shape it more but don't be put off from writing. I sense your skills will grow like my cock did reading it..lol.
Sorry About The "75"
After reading the other, so called, "comments", I feel somewhat ashamed. I gave you a 75 because of two things: A. Skirts would have been a lot more accessible everywhere that they "went". B. I'm a pantyhose "freak" and very few, if anybody, gets a 100 without them. Nothing presonal, just give it some thought.
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