A nice short read with the potenial for more. They are young enough to become parents them selves. They party as a couple, how about with other couples. Let the words flow.
by
Anonymous07/12/07
" "
ever hear of quotation marks and punctuation?
by
Anonymous07/12/07
could be better
this could of been a great story if you would of used quotation marks and punctuation. it was very hard to keep track of who was talking
Well done, who cares about quotation marks. Keep the story going and yes they could pass as a couple in every aspect including marriage and pregnancy.
by
Anonymous07/12/07
LOTS OF POTENTIAL
This has the potential for a good series,ok a few problems with the text,they can easily be put right.
by
Anonymous07/12/07
"could be better" could be better
While I agree with the comment, if you are going to criticise the writing style, at least be sure your own style is right.
"This could of been a great story if you would of used quotation marks and punctuation. it was very hard to keep track of who was talking".
I think what you mean is "This could HAVE been a great story if you HAD used quotation marks and punctuation. IT was very hard to keep track of who was talking."
by
Anonymous07/12/07
PROOF READER
PROOF READER.....Use one. Not a bad story, but little things like the past tense of think is thoughT, not though. Once is a typo, 3 or 4 times in succession is you don't know better.
by
Anonymous07/12/07
EVEN BETTER IN FRINTON
Dont suppose you know where that is ,but its pretty good,loved your story.Is it true?
by
Anonymous07/12/07
SEA LAMPREYS
Good job you do not have sea lampreys.
by
Anonymous07/13/07
Punctuation and grammar do help, really
Proper use of punctuation and grammar avoids jarring the reader from the mood you are trying to set. They cost nothing, and add a lot to the story.
I, too, wonder whether he and his new "bride" will be having kids; I hope so!
by
Anonymous07/31/07
it piss me off,with so many crap stories out there
when a writer writes a good story,all you hear is bad english or you need a proof reader.the more the writer write the better he or she will get.a rather have a good story and not a bad one.
by
Anonymous08/01/07
about the lack of QUOTES
WELL I THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT STORY
wasnt worried about the punctuation it didnt take from the story i didnt evan notice till i read the other assholes
by
Anonymous09/17/07
Poorly written
Good story idea. It is so poorly written that you turned it in to a pile of drivel.
by
Anonymous01/11/09
What horrible grammar
Good story in the making - - it's too bad your horrible grammar turned it into such crap.
by
Anonymous12/19/09
"honey, you have such a big dick," his mother said
Mr. Isopropyl, please forget the nit pickers. This is an excellent story of hot motherfucking. Chad, the well-built good looking son, is drawn to his mother's cunt, as any son naturally is. For every boy it is and always remains THE cunt, the one he came down out of and the cunt he's aching to get back up into. His mom is deeply attracted to her big strong boy's fat 8-incher and his loaded potent teenage balls. Gazing at his mother's twat makes Chad harder than ever before, and knowing he's going to stuff his big hard on up her mommy-twat makes him feel like more of a man than he's ever felt. No surprise there, it takes a mother to bring out the full masculinity of her boy. Mom tells him the time has come for her son to shove his big prick up her mommy-cunt, Chad grins and obliges his mother. It's like coming home, the boy's stiff dick pumping his own birth canal. Chad unloads his balls up his mother's twat--the best gift a son can ever give his mother, his warm creamy sperm flooding her maternal cunthole. Another story of true mother love!
by
Anonymous08/24/12
NICE READ
YOU HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS, GIVE US MORE MORE MORE. A FAN FOREVER
English
potential for more
A nice short read with the potenial for more. They are young enough to become parents them selves. They party as a couple, how about with other couples. Let the words flow.
" "
ever hear of quotation marks and punctuation?
could be better
this could of been a great story if you would of used quotation marks and punctuation. it was very hard to keep track of who was talking
Well Done
Well done, who cares about quotation marks. Keep the story going and yes they could pass as a couple in every aspect including marriage and pregnancy.
LOTS OF POTENTIAL
This has the potential for a good series,ok a few problems with the text,they can easily be put right.
"could be better" could be better
While I agree with the comment, if you are going to criticise the writing style, at least be sure your own style is right.
"This could of been a great story if you would of used quotation marks and punctuation. it was very hard to keep track of who was talking".
I think what you mean is "This could HAVE been a great story if you HAD used quotation marks and punctuation. IT was very hard to keep track of who was talking."
PROOF READER
PROOF READER.....Use one. Not a bad story, but little things like the past tense of think is thoughT, not though. Once is a typo, 3 or 4 times in succession is you don't know better.
EVEN BETTER IN FRINTON
Dont suppose you know where that is ,but its pretty good,loved your story.Is it true?
SEA LAMPREYS
Good job you do not have sea lampreys.
Punctuation and grammar do help, really
Proper use of punctuation and grammar avoids jarring the reader from the mood you are trying to set. They cost nothing, and add a lot to the story.
I, too, wonder whether he and his new "bride" will be having kids; I hope so!
it piss me off,with so many crap stories out there
when a writer writes a good story,all you hear is bad english or you need a proof reader.the more the writer write the better he or she will get.a rather have a good story and not a bad one.
about the lack of QUOTES
WELL I THOUGHT IT WAS A GREAT STORY
wasnt worried about the punctuation it didnt take from the story i didnt evan notice till i read the other assholes
Poorly written
Good story idea. It is so poorly written that you turned it in to a pile of drivel.
What horrible grammar
Good story in the making - - it's too bad your horrible grammar turned it into such crap.
"honey, you have such a big dick," his mother said
Mr. Isopropyl, please forget the nit pickers. This is an excellent story of hot motherfucking. Chad, the well-built good looking son, is drawn to his mother's cunt, as any son naturally is. For every boy it is and always remains THE cunt, the one he came down out of and the cunt he's aching to get back up into. His mom is deeply attracted to her big strong boy's fat 8-incher and his loaded potent teenage balls. Gazing at his mother's twat makes Chad harder than ever before, and knowing he's going to stuff his big hard on up her mommy-twat makes him feel like more of a man than he's ever felt. No surprise there, it takes a mother to bring out the full masculinity of her boy. Mom tells him the time has come for her son to shove his big prick up her mommy-cunt, Chad grins and obliges his mother. It's like coming home, the boy's stiff dick pumping his own birth canal. Chad unloads his balls up his mother's twat--the best gift a son can ever give his mother, his warm creamy sperm flooding her maternal cunthole. Another story of true mother love!
NICE READ
YOU HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS, GIVE US MORE MORE MORE. A FAN FOREVER
Now this is a good story !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'am sorry your not still writing, your stories are great and a joy to read. Thanks....LAROC OF AGES
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