Fun with Sis

ot bad

good story but a little fast, write more but go a little slower

Bad English

Your use of basic grammar is so lacking that reading your story is a struggle.

Hmmmmmm

Check your spelling. It distracts from the story when words are spelt wrong. Dont rely on spell check as it will only tell you when a word is incorrect in itself, but it wont tell you that it is wrong when you have spelt another word. For example you meant to spell clothes but you have typed close so spell check would tell you that this is spelt correctly but it is not what you meant. There were others there as well. Also polish your grammer up a bit.
I am sure that your next effort will be greatly improved. Good Luck.

Punctuate!

There is such a thing as a comma! The lack of use really disrupted the flow of the story which could have been really hot but the punctuation just annoyed me.

double D?

Surely you can't believe a girl with DD cups is on the swim team? She couldn't make the team - her speed would be slow.
You write like a junioor high kid.

You must...

know Engilish grammar, spelling, and punctuation if you want to be a serious author. There are many writer's aids/helps available on the internet. A simple first step would be to submit your story to a literotica volunteer editor before submitting it for actual publication. This was a good story but needs a lot of attention. Practice makes better. Keep writing. Regards.

Negative People

Hey Double D... my slender A Cup grand daughter IS on her Varsity HS Swim Team and there are a couple DD girls on the Varsity Team as well. Not only are they fast, they are hot looking! Eyeball liberty for this old pervert. The rest of you with negative comments, bad english, poor sentence structure be damned! This was a hot story and I thoroughly enjoyed it. If you are going to make comments/suggestions, why not do it in a positive manner and use your username? That way this author may be able to ask you questions and access your superior experience and knowledge in the writing field.

Hope there is more CUMMING

Great story and excelent build-up to a better finish.

poor job

poorly done

Any Chance We Could Have This In English?

!!!!!!

How Old Are You - 12?

This is just pathetic!

Sense behind sex stories

The sense behind sex stories is to keep a sexual action going so one can masturbate to it and not just telling what is done, but how it's done... Come on...

this is litteraly the hottest thing iv ever read please please right more like it!!!!

fuck all these people

yo your story was amazing, don't listen to these retarded assholes, good shit bro

please let sister cum.

What a pig you are .Dont you think sis would like some fun too?Eat her pussy, you had her in the shower , what a better time then that/ Go in her room and eat her cunt every mourning to wake her up , shes worth it .

Retard.

Get some grammar lessons first & have it proof read. The retards who like it seem to be dumb asses. Worst thing I've ever read. Waste of time.

It's a little obvious the plot, or rather lack of plot.

Illiterate

stop writing

Don't Let Anonymous Jerks cramp your style

Granted, your writing may not be the best here - so so who gives a fuck - its obvious that you enjoy exploring your fantasies and sharing them.

I'd love to find out what else you have going on inside your pretty little head...drop me a line

Lame

This seems like it was wriitten by a 10 year old. No thought or effort put into developing characters or storyline. A dictionary would also be of some use.

Fake but nice

Nice story but it's a story
You. Can't cum 3 times
But I liked it

Cumming inside her

Did she get pregnant because she had you cum inside her?