Brother And Sister Play Together

Good - But

Fairly good story, but poor grammar takes away from the heat of the situation your characters are in. Don't be in such a rush to get to the next act.

Sorry but you need a lot of training both in -----

constructing the story and in grammer and spelling etc

We played too

My sister and i played also, but we got caught. not a happy ending till we were older and more mature.

whats the rush?

Like the others have mentioned, take some time to let things develope. Unlike the characters in the story I don't achieve orgasms that quickly. Your story was almost done by the time I got hard.

Right from the start..

I had a feeling when I started to read this that it might be a bit painful. You see, when the very first word in a story (in this case "On" when it was obviously meant to be "One") is spelled wrong, the only place it could go - is downhill.

Another observation; it felt like I was reading notes jotted down on a sheet of paper. No structure, no flow - a point which had been previously raised.

However, those 'notes', the ideas and scenes, of which I spoke, were not bad. A little more practice and the ratings for your future stories might just yet climb out of the 00 - 25 range.

I gave it a 2 out of 5.

Proof your work!

Please proof read your work - it's loaded with typos!

3

chapter 3 please

This ,

is a comma. Use one once in a while.

Disappointment.

This is poorly written.

good read

good read. a bit short.

????

What kind of sick monster dose that to his sister.
You freck!!!!!!!!!!'

My brother was eating my pussy while I was reading this