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English
good
You maintain a fine rhythm here, not forced or overtly Seussian. (Did you know Dr Seuss wrote adult fiction?) I suggest you check out formula poetry, in particular, since after reading this I'm sure you'll like the form, read what you can about the GHAZAL form. I think it would be a match made in heaven.
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Probably good advice to "read what you can about the GHAZAL form." Other than that some of it is forced. But what the fuck, it is about fucking. I am curious as to why Gently is capitalised, and than not.
Yes Literotica...why is it?
It was not submitted that way. Yesterday, I am quite sure, I would have noticed if it was like that. Puzzling.
a fine narrative poem
Your poem tells its story well. I enjoy repetition and pattern and you have used them effectively. Thanks for sharing.
Why are people telling you to write ghazals? Clearly they do not understand ghazals. Ghazals are image-rich leapings, celebrations, allusions, traditions, drunken revelries, and communal symbologies... not patterned narratives. Sorry, but that just irked me.
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