Very, very impressive Jack! I really love stories that have a happy ending. You have given us a super romantic story infused with more than a little heartache. So impressive and beautifully written! Pete.
by
Anonymous08/20/07
nicely done!
A hot story with a real plot. Thanks.
by
Anonymous10/15/07
Brilliant
Brilliant story - well written. He got what he deserved in the end.
I liked the plot but I thought you let yourself down with language (and I dont mean swearing) that seemed to come straight out of a porno..I think it had promise..and could have been a great story otherwise. Sorry for being the nay sayer of the group, but I thought you would appreciate my honest reaction.
by
Anonymous05/19/09
Great Story
Great Story. It could have happened. Write another one.
by
Anonymous01/17/11
"When Serena Morgan smiled, it was one of those mysterious looks that made you check your wallet."
Thanks for a well-developed and tastefully written erotic story with a plot. Serena was vividly characterized with a distinct personality. The only thing I would have liked to see more of was have the narrator call his daughter so she wouldn't worry about her dad being out so late. Also if you could cut down on the various colorful names for genitalia. Serena was beautiful on her own. Let the beauty speak for itself.
99 percent of the story was excellent! I agree, however, with Aprilsfool about the porn language interrupting the flow of the story, and the initial rudeness toward the chauffeur was out of character. I also wondered about his wearing loafers with a tuxedo. But, what do I know about tuxedos! :-)
I enjoyed every moment ..I was a little shocked at the rudeness towards the bodyguard/chauffeur..but that just made him seem more human..He did say he was sorry.
I really liked this story. It was well written and I could relate to the reality. A good build up to the more sensual part, with enough background to understand the main character's personality. In regard to the rudeness to the chauffeur that other comments said was out of character, I thought it was well done. Firstly, that "flaw" in the character added reality to his personality; a hasty comment in response to what could have been interpreted as a command. Secondly, this rude comment highlighted the difference between the character and other men that the lady picked up. The younger hot guys who would jump at the chance to have sex with the woman are compared to the older more mature man who is not willing to jump to her command for the opportunity to have sex, because ultimately he needs more out of a relationship.
If you're going to write interracial romance stories, you really need to get established very early on which of the protagonists are white and which are black, or whatever. In this instance, it could have been done in a comment before the novel commenced.
You described Serena very well and chose the best name for her, given Duncan's history--he gets "peace" from knowing her (and a "piece" of something else too--jajaja). Nice to see her portrayed as practical and not snooty because of her wealth, generally allergic to b.s. You put a lot of detail into their unions, and that's a major plus, since one can feel her magnetism. I'd like to see you explore them moving toward marriage and her getting alone with Becky--what they do, what they talk about, how they interact, etc; I'd love to see how they balance her social life with his job, as you've left the door open for him to ascend, and see how he deals with it. How would she help him and advise him? Would they try to be equal partners? There's a lot left to explore and it would fascinating to read. :)
I agree with the others who are asking for a follow-up
I can see why you'd leave the story where you did, but it would satisfy me (and a number of your readers) if you would write a second chapter ending with their marriage. Blending the kids into one family would be interesting, and you have a ready conflict element in the scheming ex-wife. Remember, she is on probation and there are lots of readers who would like to see her get the just desserts she dodged by turning on her scheming lover ...
by
Anonymous03/07/16
I thoroughly enjoyed this story
Dear jack straw, thank you most kindly for having provided this wonderful story, which I thoroughly enjoyed- just the right mix of romance, lust and overcoming life's hardships- and a graceful end that leaves the reader the chance to imagine things will stay good in the end... I would like to read a further episode but could well understand if you prefer to leave your story as it ended and allow the reader to fantasise about further development. Kind regards anonymous
English
wonderful
a beautifully written story w/ sex in it. loved it.
Lovely story told with sensitivity.
Well done, Jack!
Great Work
A real STORY, with full characters, plus great sex. Who could ask for anything more?
Impressive!!!
Very, very impressive Jack! I really love stories that have a happy ending. You have given us a super romantic story infused with more than a little heartache. So impressive and beautifully written! Pete.
nicely done!
A hot story with a real plot. Thanks.
Brilliant
Brilliant story - well written. He got what he deserved in the end.
Ummm
I liked the plot but I thought you let yourself down with language (and I dont mean swearing) that seemed to come straight out of a porno..I think it had promise..and could have been a great story otherwise. Sorry for being the nay sayer of the group, but I thought you would appreciate my honest reaction.
Great Story
Great Story. It could have happened. Write another one.
"When Serena Morgan smiled, it was one of those mysterious looks that made you check your wallet."
Very well written.
Very tastefully written
Thanks for a well-developed and tastefully written erotic story with a plot. Serena was vividly characterized with a distinct personality. The only thing I would have liked to see more of was have the narrator call his daughter so she wouldn't worry about her dad being out so late. Also if you could cut down on the various colorful names for genitalia. Serena was beautiful on her own. Let the beauty speak for itself.
But thanks again for a great story! :-)
99 percent thumbs up
99 percent of the story was excellent! I agree, however, with Aprilsfool about the porn language interrupting the flow of the story, and the initial rudeness toward the chauffeur was out of character. I also wondered about his wearing loafers with a tuxedo. But, what do I know about tuxedos! :-)
I really enjoyed this..
I enjoyed every moment ..I was a little shocked at the rudeness towards the bodyguard/chauffeur..but that just made him seem more human..He did say he was sorry.
Thank you for the good read
Well written realistic story
I really liked this story. It was well written and I could relate to the reality. A good build up to the more sensual part, with enough background to understand the main character's personality. In regard to the rudeness to the chauffeur that other comments said was out of character, I thought it was well done. Firstly, that "flaw" in the character added reality to his personality; a hasty comment in response to what could have been interpreted as a command. Secondly, this rude comment highlighted the difference between the character and other men that the lady picked up. The younger hot guys who would jump at the chance to have sex with the woman are compared to the older more mature man who is not willing to jump to her command for the opportunity to have sex, because ultimately he needs more out of a relationship.
Sequel
Honestly. Think u should do another one of these
If you're going to write interracial romance stories, you really need to get established very early on which of the protagonists are white and which are black, or whatever. In this instance, it could have been done in a comment before the novel commenced.
On my "might read" list
Great Story
Interesting characters, well written, full of romance. The perfect short story. You should be proud!
asianToy
I'd like to see another installment
You described Serena very well and chose the best name for her, given Duncan's history--he gets "peace" from knowing her (and a "piece" of something else too--jajaja). Nice to see her portrayed as practical and not snooty because of her wealth, generally allergic to b.s. You put a lot of detail into their unions, and that's a major plus, since one can feel her magnetism. I'd like to see you explore them moving toward marriage and her getting alone with Becky--what they do, what they talk about, how they interact, etc; I'd love to see how they balance her social life with his job, as you've left the door open for him to ascend, and see how he deals with it. How would she help him and advise him? Would they try to be equal partners? There's a lot left to explore and it would fascinating to read. :)
I agree with the others who are asking for a follow-up
I can see why you'd leave the story where you did, but it would satisfy me (and a number of your readers) if you would write a second chapter ending with their marriage. Blending the kids into one family would be interesting, and you have a ready conflict element in the scheming ex-wife. Remember, she is on probation and there are lots of readers who would like to see her get the just desserts she dodged by turning on her scheming lover ...
I thoroughly enjoyed this story
Dear jack straw, thank you most kindly for having provided this wonderful story, which I thoroughly enjoyed- just the right mix of romance, lust and overcoming life's hardships- and a graceful end that leaves the reader the chance to imagine things will stay good in the end... I would like to read a further episode but could well understand if you prefer to leave your story as it ended and allow the reader to fantasise about further development. Kind regards anonymous
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