All Comments on 'Anorexic? Don't Blame Me'

by Boxlicker101

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AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
get over yourself

As a woman who has struggled with both anorexia and bulimia, I can tell you that men had nothing to do with my disorder. The development of eating disorders is all about the inadequacy of oneself. I didn't stop eating because I wanted to lose weight. I didn't stop eating because I was desperate for a man. I didn't stop eating because of the influence of fashion models. Yes, anorexia and bulimia are mental disorders, but it's not like we're crazy, so don't imply that we are. It's about being able to control something in a world that is otherwise uncontrollable. So don't write about something that you don't understand.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
He admits to not understand

Whole point was that, while he doesn't understand why they do it, its not men telling women to be thin. Which is in fact the public perception.

JayiinJayiinover 16 years ago
Listening to the Wrong People

I'm a white, heterosexual male. I've never been anorexic nor have I ever had an eating disorder. I've known people who have, though.

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It's an odd thing. I know the accusations you're speaking out against - blaming men for girls who become anorexic.

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The problem with that is - I've never heard any girl who has dealt with an eating disorder blame men for it. I've never heard anyone who's had an eating disorder blame the fashion industry.

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I have heard lots of accusations being thrown around by people who haven't had an eating disorder analyzing it, labeling it, and pointing fingers. Some of those point towards men. Some don't.

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I think you're listening to the wrong people, getting mad about the wrong things. Your essay seemed very one-sided and not very well researched. I'd suggest talking to people who have dealt with eating disorders, doctors, counselors, and other people who have solid information before writing a diatribe like this.

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Otherwise, you might end up offending the very people you're trying to reach - because this essay wasn't written to make men feel better about themselves. Most men don't have a second thought as to what their ideas of body-image do to women, any more than women have any idea what their ideas of body-image do to men. Nor did you write it for the people who have been anorexic, because I doubt they would be the ones leveling such accusations.

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Instead, I think you wrote it for the people who are making accusations - the uninformed, ill-educated and self-righteous who want to point fingers and blame a group of people they're probably already not fond of for yet another horrible thing that happens to people.

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At least, I hope that's who you were writing to, because otherwise what you wrote becomes very selfish and very shallow.

honeyxbabyhoneyxbabyover 16 years ago
I dont pretend to fully understand...

but I can tell you from what little I have researched and bothered to learn that you are wrong on so many accounts.

I won't go into preaching on this and that of eating disorders among men and women (yes, more and more men are struggling with eating disorders, and in America it seems that their numbers may soon equal or surpass those of women.)

I think that you've approached a subject that involves real people and real suffering with an incredible lack of tact and ignorance.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Perpetuating Myths

Based on the title and opening comments I expected to be offended by what you wrote. However, it was well written and I could see your point. I agree with a previous comment that I hope your intended audience is the misinformed general public. Unfortunately, many of your points perpetuate the inaccuracies of society's perception of eating disorders.

Most people only think of the anorexics you describe as people with eating disorders, but the truth is any person, male or female, young or old, fat or thin can have an eating disorder. It is one disease with many symptoms. Even the psychiatric community breaks them down into different groups based, essentially, on weight. Anorexics are underweight. Bulimics are "normal" weight. Binge Eaters are overweight.

Personally, I fall into the last category. I first began displaying symptoms when I was seven and I have been trying to "recover" for more than four years now. I fought the diagnosis because I believed that only skinny people had eating disorders. I was wrong.

People like Dr. Phil and Oprah talk about disordered eating in overweight people, but while there are many undiagnosed Binge Eaters out there, not every fat person has an eating disorder either. There are very specific symptoms, attitudes and beliefs the characterize an eating disorder.

It's not about food and it's not about body image. Those are just symptoms. The body is an easy target to "hate" when what you really hate is inside of you. Eating disorders are about control and distorted thinking. What you eat or don't eat is something you can control or choose not to control. The behaviours are often about punishing yourself for not being perfect.

When it comes to blame, I blame myself for 99.5% of my eating disorder and I blame my parents for 0.5% because their attitudes certainly contributed to my thought processes. I know that I'm the only one who can help me to recover. Do skinny models and hollywood celebrities make me uncomfortable? Of course they do, but only because I already have those issues. I don't blame them for how I feel.

When I was in a group therapy session with 20 other women, there were 4 anorexics, 5 binge eaters and 11 bulimics. I had common ground with all of them. I am just as likely to binge as I am to starve myself. We were all the same.

The bottom line is this, eating disorders aren't about weight, shape, size or food. We're not "psycho crazy" and in the end, articles like the one you wrote, don't help anyone.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
anorexic-reply

hi like the story its not about sex but an important issue one the world should pay close attention to why just watch a show with todays models.the models look terrible skin and bones in my day that look never got the girl a date guys like curves go back and look at playboy models in the early days most had curves.i must confess playboy has changed some nowto much fake women.,but the girls still are not rail thin.ladies one comment to you please take care of your self because you dont have to starve your self to look good!one final thought since when have men been attracted to skeletons or scarecrows?take care and enjoy life and dont kill your self duane

MINKXMINKXover 16 years ago
I think...

There are a huge number of reasons why people-male and female-develop eating disorders. I do believe that constantly seeing people with perfect bodies does make a person a bit more inclined to view their own bodies harsher. But I don't think it's such a huge reason/issue as to send people on the war path against the fashion industry.

People often eat more then they should out of simple boredom. (Fell into that as a stay at home mom myself.) Sometimes because of depression-eating something decadently yummy, does give a two minute happy.

On the other hand sometimes you STOP eating because of depression and the inertia that often goes with it. Making, or even chewing that food is just too much effort to bother with.

And I can relate to the reader who talked about the matter of what you eat being at least one thing a person can be in control of.

Eating disorders are difficult things to understand.

About a year after my divorce my sons, my mother and even my ex-husband suddenly brought up concerns that I had a problem. I wasn't anorexic or even model thin. But between working 12 hour days and just not "getting around" to eating, I dropped probably 40 pounds in less then 3 months. I liked how I was starting to look, and if my ex hadn't suddenly taken one look at me after not really seeing me for a month to blurt "Shit katt, how much do you weigh now?" I don't know if or when I'd have started trying to remember to eat.

Food and eating and ect...everyone has a different thing going on with it. I do agree that sometimes people have issues with their bodies because they want to be attractive to others, but I've never blamed those others for anything I do. It's my decision what to do. I consider what other people think, but I don't let them rule me.

Interesting bit of writing, that obviously caught a lot of people's attention. Thanx for a thought provoking read.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
For the record...

I dated a bulemic for three years (off and on). Culprits she cited?

-Herself, for not having any control. That's right, people who have been commenting, bulemia for this girl came from not having the self-control to stop eating. So apparently it's NOT always about what you CAN control?

-The media for unrealistic images. To which I reply, if it's fake or unrealistic, why are you shooting for it? Go for something you can do!

-The men who look at such media and talk about their ideal women. This list should look pretty much like the essay at hand right now. Ladies, listen up. Men like what they can't have. So do you. You want a guy who always knows exactly what to say, is never self-absorbed in any way, who dresses clean and neat, but is somehow still manly. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!! The result of this is the male version of anorexia and bulemia... metrosexuals. Straight guys who try so hard to look so crisp and so stylish and act like women most of the time. Congratulations, you have your revenge on us guys.

The reality is this: bulemia is a serious mental problem, as is anorexia. Me saying "get over it" isn't going to help. Seek help. Get people who will support you.

Stop telling me it is or isn't men or it is or isn't the fashion industry. If you're that easy to program, eating disorders aren't your biggest problem.

nursehoneynursehoneyover 16 years ago
Uhhh....what?!

This essay started out as something that would be informative, but rather than looking at facts and credible research, it seems as if you took the view of the ordinary and ignorant public and ran with it. I have never (and I'm a psychiatric nurse) heard any anorexic or bulimic blame their problem on men or the fashion industry. They take absolute responsibility for their own condition, a condition which is a mental disorder that has physiologic symptoms. This is a condition that is all about control, the control that they have over their own bodies when they may not have control over anything else in their lives. on occasion, the anorexia or bulimia may develop faster because they feel inadequate when compared with famous stars or models or even someone that they know, but there is also usually an additional underlying cause that brings this about.

I'm sure you were not trying to offend anyone with this essay, but it was not only inaccurate, it was also inconsiderate. Do you honestly think that the young girls and women (and men) who have suffered from this condition don't realize that it does not make them attractive to the opposite (or same) sex? They absolutely realize it, which is why they sometimes wear larger clothes rather than form-fitting clothes. They realize they have went too far, but at this point they are out of control of the disease, and cannot get back in control unless they get professional help. Rather tnan accusing these individuals of casting blame on men, I think you should have been finding ways to help support these individuals during difficult times and encouraging them. And the next time you decide to do a rant of this nature, you should really do some thorough research first to avoid looking like a complete asshole.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
yet another piece of insite froma idiot

I am a anorexic i have a husband that surprise dated me while i was anorexic even when hopitalized during pregnancy. my reason for being this way. i needed control. my life was out of control but i can control what i ate. no calorie counting no issue with fashion. I admit being a gymnast didnt help me as thin is what is attractive but nor was it the reason i starved. I still own no scales no mirrors and will always be this way. It is treated as a mental disorder yes but it is like being addicted to alchol once your addicted you fight it your whole life this is not something we do to ourselves willingly.

darknite2darknite2over 16 years ago
makes sense

Amen brother

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Missed the point indeed.

It's true that men are not to blame. That's about the last thing insightful you mentioned. First off, as pointed out, almost everyone who DOES blame men for this problem tend to be the hardcore, man-hating feminists (which can BE men, as well). Most men don't say this, even most women don't say this, including those who suffer from eating disorders. It's a delusion that only a handful of nuts hold.

And yes, anorexia is more and more affecting older people and men. Furthermore, eating disorders are in fact not about being too thin. You can be a "normal" weight and have an eating problem. How? Simple; you weight might be normal for others, but not for you. I have a friend, 6'2", weighs 300 pounds. He's in decent shape but it's still alot of fat. If he we were to slim down to, say 200 pounds, sure, that might not be too unusual for a someone of his height, ON AVERAGE, but it would be dangerous to HIM to lose 100 full pounds. I've known him since we were kids, and he's just naturally a big guy. Eating disorders simply mean people are eating destructively; losing too much weight, losing weight too fast, yo-yoing, getting insufficient calories or nutrients, these are all problems that affect all sorts of people.

So, yeah, your main idea is true, but...well, I think most of us read it and went "duh".

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Pleeeze...

You should stay the fuck out of areas you know nothing about. You are some piece of work. Go back to writing what you know - Porn.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
I dont give a flip....

if you are male or female, but you know nothing about what a PERSON goes through when they have an eating disorder. Do your research. As a number of people pointed out, you missed the point entirely. Anorexia is about control or lack of. Has nothing to do about men or the fashion industry. Write what you know: porn as you know diddle about mental disorders.

molochmolochover 16 years ago
In addition to all the negative comments

I'd like to add this.

"Twenty years ago it was thought that for every 10-15 women with anorexia or bulimia, there was one man. Today researchers find that for every four females with anorexia, there is one male, and for every 8-11 females with bulimia, there is one male. (American Journal of Psychiatry, 2001: 158: 570-574)"

I was horrified reading this. Even from the title it wasn't going to be informative, but the level lack of research, or even understanding, of the condition was shocking.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Why

Why would anyone write an essay on a subject they know nothing about? The author sprouts an ignorant theory, taking a life-threatening subject without at least doing a minimum amount of research. That says a lot about an individual professionally and personally, he's lazy, sloppy and just doesn't care.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
The only people

more annoying than anorexics are cutters.

AnonymousAnonymousover 16 years ago
Misguided?

Well, you're right about one thing, that once an eating disorder becomes a serious issue, it's no longer about looking good or desirable.

Still, I'd do some reading up if you really want to understand anorexia nerviosa and how it is caused and treated. Ultimately it is more about control and feelings of powerlessness and worthlessness rather than the body.

Regarding societal pressure, it's often other women that judge women on their slimness more so than men. While a lot of men, especially younger ones, do like a somewhat slender figure, studies routinely show that what men actually want is at least a couple dress sizes bigger than what women think the "ideal" is.

Like most behavior disorders, the causes of anorexia are extremely complex. Also, one of the fastest growing groups of those with eating disorders is heterosexual men.

katgkatgabout 16 years ago
Wow....

Wow.. just wow.

I have never left a comment before, and your uninformed essay has pushed me to do so. Please, please before you write another piece like this do some actual RESEARCH into the issue you are writing about.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Idiotic and off base article

As the above posters have said, do us all a favour and keep from posting such infantile pieces of garbage on a site for some good erotica. Trite generalisations aside, you obviously haven't read of the factors (genetic, environmental, psychological) that lead to developing this disorder. Men aren't on that list.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 13 years ago

Good points. Interesting. Thought provoking.

I've come across a few men who like the emaciated look, and I suspect theyre closet homos. Women involved with these men likely sense it and endeavor to acquire a boyish sorta charm.

auhunter04auhunter04over 12 years ago
as the old country song goes

So Round So Fully Packed, that's my gal

those Twiggie lookalikes are just unhealthy to me

I dont mind if you carry a little fat, hell so do I. Adonis I aint

when yu get so fat that your boobs rest on your gut, kiss me good by.... It killed my wife

tazz317tazz317over 12 years ago
CLICHES GALORE TO DESCRIBE

the stereo-typical female in our lives. TK U MLJ LV NV

wantoneedwantoneedabout 12 years ago
I debated...

... whether or not to respond to this. But, in the end, my desire to toss in my two cents won out lol.

I like many of your stories and I do so try to be both civil and "educated", I suppose or "formal" to a degree, when discussing such topics in such a fashion.

But honestly my knee-jerk reaction to this is "WTF is he talking about?"

There's just so few points that I see any basis for, much less validity in, here. Eating disorders can have a variety of causes, of which body dismorphia is but one. Not all are psychological, either. So while some eating disorders are, in fact, ALSO mental disorders (not quite sure why you're drawing an either/or line here) that is not always the case nor even, as you seem to be suggesting, the case the vast majority of the time.

Another broad generalization is the notion that it is mostly women are affected by these conditions than men. There is some evidence to suggest its a more common issue with women by a noticeable margin, at least amongst modern western cultures, but not nearly to the degree you seem to be suggesting.

Minor aside; runway models? Yeah, that so ain't their "natural" body type hahah. The stereotype of poppin pills and liquid diets is more fact than fiction in this case.

And if you're trying to underplay the impact media has on aesthetic self-esteem, particularly in young people and women, I don't think you have a very realistic awareness of the nature of the images we're frankly inundated with. Obviously extreme emaciation is not quite literally flaunted or supported, but the bodies being shown after special effects and camera angles and such are simply not realistic. If anyone actually looked like that, they'd simply look very strange. So its an extremely warped image putting pressure on, in this case but certainly not solely, impressionable young girls. The fact that they fail to differentiate between the fantasy-fulfillment of these media images and reality, nor between whats actually moving in the direction of an attractive body at that point and whats simply aggravating an extremely unhealthy figure, is hardly surprising at this point.

You go on to mention a variety of subjects like centerfolds, the relevance of which I'm struggling to grasp, unless you were merely trying to spice up your references to better fit with the nature of this site lol

Finally, your primary point is perhaps the one which baffles me the most. Quite honestly? You are the first source, man or woman, whom I've EVER heard suggesting blaming men for women's eating disorders.

Overall, and if this comes across as excessively harsh I apologize because thats certainly not my intention, this entire essay/review comes across to me as rife with outlandish inaccuracies and interpretations all in support of a moot argument.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 12 years ago

So, its like this. Yes you are right. We women do go to extreme methods of handling ourselves, but SHIT!!!! Its hard to look this good and then half the time it doesnt even make a fuck to anyone because theres always always always some fine ass broad that makes you look like a dumpster threw up on you. Its infuriating. Men arent THE reason, but theyre part of ours.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 10 years ago
No.

I don't actually agree with that at all. But a beautiful article. I suffered from anorexia after a male co-worker mentioned that I would become attractive as I lost weight. This along with failed relationships led me to diet pills and when they didn't work... I just stopped eating. I limited myself to 600 calories a day... That might sound like a lot, but I was literally keeping myself full by drinking large amounts of water.

So, it is a mental disorder, yes... But I feel the reason most women turn anorexic is because of something that is said to them about their weight. It's about how society treasures and rewards the skinny girl over the fat girl. Society has buried it into our brains that if you're fat... you aren't attractive, and they've even buried it into the minds of children as well. Children are more likely to bully fat children, or the ones who are lanky. Anyone seen as "different". But Everyday women are bombarded by media every single day. I even went into a Victoria's Secret store with a friend of mine who is overweight. I wanted to show her some of the perfumes they have and the second we set foot in that place, every eye was on us... Like she didn't belong in there because she was overweight. So, in a world where "Sex sells", I think that men put added pressure on women. On occasion it's more pressure than they can ultimately take, and they turn to eating disorders.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 7 years ago

I don't think men are to blame for eating disorders. I don't think any medical professional worth their salt would say men are to blame either.

Media, Playboy, all these things you have mentioned also are not to blame (although they do contribute to a society which contributes to the development of eating disorders).

Women with eating disorders don't do it for men, or even to look a certain way- they have mental illnesses, usually caused by past trauma or other serious life issues. They physically see themselves as a lot larger than they actually are, and employ various harmful behaviours to help mitigate the negative feelings from those perceptions (and, if you look deeper, from the original source of trauma).

These behaviours can often be very addictive- and new research is constantly being released that suggests they are physiologically addictive, effecting the serotonin supply of people prone to the illnesses.

Overall, the development of an eating disorder is a product of many factors including biological/genetic tendencies, environment, and life experiences- the views of men play only a very, very small part (except in individual cases where the source of the trauma is connected to a man).

EugeneSelfishEugeneSelfishalmost 5 years ago
Phenomenon more a symptom of the 'culture wars'

Although the topic of eating disorders is not so high-profile now (2019) as perhaps it was when this essay was written (2007), you could replace mentions of anorexia/eating-disorders with a variety of other issues (e.g. the so-called 'wage gap', 'pink tax', etc.), and many of the complaints (in both directions) would be analogous to those in the essay and in the comments.

I think the causes have become more clear over the last 12 or so years: There are various social and political ideologies (often which identify themselves as particular varieties of 'feminism', e.g. 'intersectional feminism') which have a driving narrative centralizing the notion that most social and/or political problems are the fault of 'men' or 'cis-hetero-white-men' (or, an abstract representation of men, such as 'The Patriarchy' or 'toxic masculinity'). Many non-ideological people, such as the essay author in this case, react against this misdirected blame, and when they do so there is a backlash against them as if their complaint about being wrongfully blamed is just proof that they really are to blame (for this, that, or the other). And so the cycle of finger-pointing and drama-escalation continues. Hence the term 'culture war'.

Thus, in my estimation, while the particular topic of 'blaming men for anorexia regarding women' may not be so relevant today, the general pattern of 'blaming men in general for (insert problem here) regarding women in general' is still relevant today. And thus, I consider this essay to have stood the test of time, in its role as an example of such kinds of conflict in the ongoing 'culture war(s)'.

That being said, it could have been written with more clarity of context and purpose, which in part contributed (unintentionally) to many of the misunderstandings within the comments, and so I only rated it 4/5.

AnonymousAnonymousover 4 years ago

As usual, you have no idea what you're talking about.

Anonymous
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