homeExhibitionist & VoyeurA Day in the Sun Ch. 01Public Comments

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A Day in the Sun Ch. 01

byThoran©
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by Anonymous

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by Anonymous08/09/07

English?

Bulging Mucles From The Sun ? ....Plua-eeeeeze Also I noticed you are very fond of saying the word NOW,the reader nows what time frame he is reading about...There is NO need to continually referance the time by saying Now

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by Anonymous08/10/07

Great story, love the theme and idea

but dont you just love critics who cant spell themselves! Ignore his comments, just heed the advice. Please, lets have chapter two!

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