All Comments on 'Slumber Party'

Is there any chance you could, you know, read what you've attempted to write, next time? Basic things like where capital letters go? I don't know what the sex in the story is like because I couldn't be bothered reading it. That's because the lack of editing told me you couldn't be bothered either.

You top a mountain PEAK, but you peek when you are taking a small look. If yo are a salesman you show your wares, but you wear clothes. And learn when to use capitol letters. Of course it's hard to watch language use and spelling when one hand is typing and the other is stroking your meat! If you cannot be bothered to edit your own work, submit it to be edited by one of Literotica's writers.

Slumber party stories involving four girls is never a bad thing and I applaud you for trying it. The story was alright but there were too many spelling, punctuation, and capitalization errors for my liking.

I could follow the story to a point. But, I echo the other comments made so far. Please either re-read your story a few times after you originally type it and make any corrections yourself or have someone edit your story for you.

I just adore the critics on here.

So encouraging you all are to the writers!

I thought it was Hot AND I came twice ;)

Who is Mark? You went from Mat to Mark toward the end. There were capitalization mistakes everywhere, a few punctuation mistakes, past-tense to present-tense to past-tense, missing words, extra words, words spelled or used incorrectly; it was difficult to read, but I fought on and finally found the incest! I thought for sure that the brother would wind up spying on them downstairs, get caught in another Coke raid on the way to the kitchen, and do his own sister downstairs, but the parental incest was a good surprise ending. Please, get an editor because your story was too good to be damaged by all of the easily editable errors. Please work on the grammar and punctuation and use a spell checker on your work, then copy it to the submission page. It won't catch all of the usage errors, but if you send it to an editor, you may catch most of them. GREAT STORY!

Honestly thanks for the feedback, both the good and the bad.

Sorry for the mistakes, I went over it a few times but I am an Awful speller and I focused on spelling rather then gramma. Those of you that suggested I get an editor, may I ask if any of you are willing? Or can you suggest anyone?

To those that enjoyed the story, Thank you very much. I'm glad you 'enjoyed' it so much.

Enjoyed it so much!! I'm Yelling to other reader's and friend's .You Must READ this awesome Story!! Great job with every part of this well enjoyed READ! Thank you!!

loved the story but jeez people, leave it out with the spelling and grammar slating. What are we on here, a sex site or an english lesson? If correct punctuation is what you're into then go read some shakespeare, if you're looking for a great story to get you off then get reading and you'll find you don't give a toss about the mistakes (excuse the pun). Keep up the good work.

fuck, this is just fucking hot!!!!!

Fun story, but please fix the unnecessary capitalizations and spelling mistakes. They distract from a clever narration.

The bad grammar really took away from the story, if not an editor, at least use a spell checker (and proofread your own work - there's really no excuse for those capitalization errors)!

Other than that, the story was not bad. I liked how you varied their descriptions and also made them slightly different personality-wise. I also enjoyed the initial hangups some of the girls had. But as is usual with this kind of stories, some of the action was slightly ridiculous, mostly towards the end - when the brother got involved and especially the final scene with the parents.

Keep writing, you'll get it. But remember - more is not always better!

Story ok, continuity, grammar and spelling quite poor.

You need to get someone who knows what they're doing to proof read your work before you submit any more. Your spelling is pathetic and the grammar is blood awful.

This is soooooooooooooo hot