- All
Comments (4) - Add a
Comment - Send
Feedback Send private anonymous feedback to the author (click here to post a public comment instead).
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
English
Did I miss something?
the story was great but i was lost as to where Andrew Gibson came in at. Did Charli give it to him? does he get a story?
So so
It was an okay story, but it wasn't quite as good as the others. There wasn't much storyline just a lot of sex and it seemed very rushed. It just wasn't quite the same quality as the other stories.
Re: Did I miss something
The missing story between "Charli and Bobby" and this one is my story "Free." Find it here: http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=7 3664
hmm...
I agree with the others. I tried not to compare this story to the others, because they were written by someone with a different writing style. That said, the premise of the story is a good one, but it does seem a bit rushed. There isn't really a chance to connect with Mark before he jumps into the wham-bam-thankyou-ma'am sex and then it's over. You also put ideas out there, but don't complete them. For example, Mark pulled something to the forefront of Rachel's mind, but you don't say what it is, what kind of feelings it invokes, it's just put out there and left hanging. My advice, slow it down and put a little more thought into your ideas.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Let's Make A Deal or
More submissions by JonB1969.