All Comments on 'Twin Summer Ch. 01'

Really short story - over before it had begun. Your first descriptor paragraphs were good, but then you rushed through the sex in record time. Nice idea, but didn't differentiate or make it original compared to other similar stories. At least the girls didn't have massive breasts!

With the previous comment. Also, the boy was to expert for his first time. Keep trying.

Neither "fanny" nor "fancied," are sexy words. They ruin the mood, (a bit). Hot idea though, and a pretty good job of it.

and I loved the story theme. But you do need practice and some advice on your writing. I suggest you submit one of your new stories to a Literotica editor (they voluteer) and see what they think. They will comment and make suggestions. I agree with most of the previous comments if you want to write a short story rather than what might be called a flash (real quickie) story. I'll be reading your other submitted stories later tonight. Regards, caprine.

The girls seemed a bit too knowledgable but it was otherwise believable. Whats with that "critic" thinking every description has to be in hard language? Does he think a sex story suffers with everyday words? Bullshit!

horny twins???? really?

Hi Jane, love the scenario, but can you slow down a bit!