All Comments on 'Travelers'

by cavu182

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twelveoonetwelveooneover 16 years ago
potential

develop it, structure, idea good. But the poetic parts are weak:quick as a spark of stray current/

slow as Sunday afternoon,/ how new does that sound? Now say it, just how slow does "slow as Sunday afternoon," sound to you? Whoops, a toss away phrase that contradicts it's meaning.

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writer of words and phrases for no reason or purpose