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Get an editor, please!
A fair story spoiled by bad writing. There were incomplete sentences, clumsy phrases, and that whipping back and forth between present and past tense... Please find someone to clean up your work.
Nice
The only reason I don't give this a 100 is because of the poor grammar and spelling mistakes. This was a beautiful story but it just needs some few changes to make it wonderful. Don't stop writing and make necessary changes.
Nice first time submission try at romance
I am giving you a much higher score then I should because you are a new writer on this site. Your spelling and grammar are very poor.
Examples from your story “You too the word right out of my mouth” Then your first sentence of the story for Pete sakes! “My relationship with CJ a long time ago”The first thing I would suggest is read your story saying each word out loud as it is written. There are so many mistakes you must find someone to edit it for you. There is a list of volunteer editors you may approach on Literotica’s Web site.
You have good ideas but please get an editor from the list and see who might help you before you submit anything else.Good luck and keep trying. PT
decent
You should seriously get an editor. It was an alright story, nothing that kept me truely interested. Don't stop writing though..I'll be looking for another submission from you.
Very Short and Sweet!
That was lovely! I thought it was perfectly short and sweet! Great Job!
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