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English
This was very good.
It may not please those looking for erotica, but it was well written and presented a different point of view. Thanks.
Finally a different story!
Wow, I was just about going to give up hope of ever reading a fresh story idea on Literotica, but you have really delivered one here, good job! Thanks and please keep up the good work.
Kinda dumb. The ending indicated that the -------
narrator and rick knew each other but If there was an explanation I didn't see it.
sequel !!! sequel !!!
too short but I loved it.
This is sort of what things look like from the OTHER guys point of view. Usually ina JPB or Blue88 or Curious2c story the other guy has no problem fucking some other guys wife and never asks any question .
well done
A very different kind of LW story
Good characterizations and good pacing to the storytelling. The plot was thin b/c I don't believe the children were in danger. Enjoyed the story, thank you.
WTF
I never thought I'd read a story like this on this site. I was starting to think I was the only male around that didn't think another man's wife was fair game.
This does provoke a bit of
soul searching. Thoughtful piece and well written.
Regards, Jack
Rushed ending
The story was well done up to the end - which was too rushed and ambiguous. Our hero gets her home - and then the author doesn't know what to do besides get really REALLY priggish about the situation
A rewrite might get him in the sack with the girl and then he discovers hubby likes to watch - or hubby is drunk and wakes up as they do the deed (as the woman had planned)
The plot is fine - but needs to be tweaked, and then pushed through to a less priggish (hate to repeat a word, but none describes the author better) conclusion
Very Interesting
A fresh story written with some imagination. I liked it.
Excellent Story!
Excellent story; well written and full of emotion. Great job and hope to see a lot more. Well done!
To "Kinda dumb."
I don't know what you read but I don't think anyone else got the impression that Rick and the lover knew each other. And, as for calling the story "kinda dumb," you obviously missed the point, among other things.
funny
it made me laugh in the end
leaving the couple dumbfounded after what she just pulled
the next morning for them might be the eye opener they need
Opposite view
Thank you for this interesting point of view. I think the end was somehow rushed.
Nucleus
Pretty Good
I liked it, but I agree with Alvaron, I don't think the children were in any danger, and we only have the argument from this terribly vindictive woman's side of the story. The husband has no evidence of wrongdoing towards his children as the story is presented.
A very good story of a person with morals and
ethics. The woman in this story lies without a single doubt or bit of confusion. She has her agenda and is following it to the letter. Her husband is a stupid bit o' flesh if he isnt smart enough to take the kid(s) and dump her. Our main character was well into a very romantic and erotic scene before being shocked to the core by a cruel vindictive slut. His action in calling the police is good. In most cases I think people get involved with children protective issues for the wrong reasons. In this case, a woman bringing a stranger into her home for sex while her husband is asleep thinking she is out with the girls is way over the top. If hubby isnt strong enough to remove himself and kids from her, the state needs to step in and take action to protect the kids. I keep thinking back to husbands/wives killing the kids in fits of jealously or anger, they need out of there. There are people who think kids always need to be with their moms but this woman is no role model to bring kids up, she really isnt a mother at all.
That was different!
A bit over the top toward the end with the 911 call, but stronger damger signs have been ignored, so, OK! Good story with an original plot.
Refreshingly More To Life As It Should Be
Imaginative and well written from a lifelike viewpoint most should favor.
I found the criticism regarding the children without merit. Any mother who would try to cuck her husband with him and children in the house could be capable of just about anything.
Also, most husbands would have taken someone or both apart when confronted so blatantly. Guns or other weapons don't play favorites so everyone in the house would be in jeopardy.
My hope is for another imaginative marital consequence kind Author - when time permits.
Thanks for your effort, time and talent.
With High Regard
Well written
but, I thought his reaction at the ending (which as has been pointed out was sort of rushed) was over the top. What possible clue is there that there was any child endangerment going on, & why would he call the police. For that matter, knowing police work like I do, I'm surprised that they didn't read him the riot act, for calling 911 when there was no obvious emergency.
Good point of view - refreshing
I liked the story and the outcome with the husband and wife. I agree that the ending was a bit rushed, but it was a quick morning for at least two people. Well written.
Thank you for your comments!
I am not a professional writer, just wanted to submit a story from a different perspective. All comments, positive and negative are welcome, and are most certainly appreciated.
Many comments allude to the necessity of the 911 call and the rushed sense of the ending. From Josh's perspective there were toys on the landing indicating children. The assumption was that since Rick was home the likelihood of the children being present was high since it was late at night. Rick's emotional collapse and Josh's surprise showed that Roxie's actions were completely unexpected by both men. This created an atmosphere of unease and, in Rick's case, a possibility of a high stress psychosis. Josh said his piece and left as quickly as possible not knowing if Rick would snap or not. Josh addressed Rick in an attempt to diffuse the situation and made the 911 call to let the authorities verify that status of the situation. That is their job. Josh felt that it would be much better to be chewed out by the cops than to find out that his inaction had escalated into harm for any of the occupants if he just simply left.
Roxie told Josh about Rick during their walk along the beach.
Respectfully,
Easylivin
Blah!
Just plain BLAH!
interesting, perhaps rushed
I loved this display of morals and ethics! It is nice to see a story where the good guy wins by being true to himself... the ending did seem a little too dramatic and thin on the reason for emergency services, perhaps a little more development there could have been beneficial, but nonetheless: bravo!
Well Done
Different. Thought provoking. And what an odd place to find a moralistic tale.
Rushed and not very credible
Granted, a reader of erotica is prepared to extend their fantasy to allow for pretty wild scenarios. However, this isn't erotica, but a moralistic view on a weird situation. It is written in the first person, and the premise of the story is that one guy feels taken advantage of in a war between two married people who are breaking up. But expressions like "satan incarnated" etc., makes this unbearably over the top dramatic. The 911 call toward the end was definitely too much for this reader.
Great story line....
I liked this story. Someone that had the guts to stand up for his morals. You haven't lived till you have Child Protective Services come into your house. They are the 'diligent destroyers' of family's that already are in trouble like the one described here. My ex called them after she was out on a date that didn't go her way. She took it out on me and the kids, which I had custody of. Some people like to hurt and destroy others.
This story was different alright!
Judgmental, anyone? The narrator of the story seems quite judgmental to the point of superiority. He can conclude which patrons at the bar look desperate, hopeful or excited. He also concludes by the heroine’s demeanor that she is petulant with a hint of fear. And all this when she just walks into the bar. Hell, this guy shouldn’t be a business man. He should be a psychiatrist or an FBI profiler...and on we go as he concludes that the young frat boys are arrogant little bastards because from afar he can see that they are leering at Roxie. Now that’s what I call 20/20... BUT do not despair because our hero is right in his “assumptions” since when one of the young men approaches Roxie he has a predatory look combined with a smirk. I tell you, this guy is good... Then he leaves with our petulant, but fearful heroine for a romantic stroll, then to her home. But as he walks in, our hero gets a surprise when he realizes that the husband is in the house! Still do not fear because our hero takes the opportunity to also analyze the husband, concluding that the hubby is a defeated man, nothing left but a shell. Alas! Our poor hero had made a mistake because now he understands that Roxie is the devil incarnate. After all, she has a sneer on her face. Would this succubus steal the soul of our hero? Would he compromise his high morals for a cheap lay? NO, no, now was his turn! He calls 911 cuz there were toys in the landing... He felt so used, so dirty. She didn't call. Didn't send a card. Oops, sorry, wrong story. lol
I liked this for its different point of view.
I liked the simplicity of the story and fresh perspective. Of course, one would think that a lonely guy who spent an evening at a watering hole would not easily give up an uninhibited night of sex, a "zip-less" fuck, if you will. The "little head rules the big one," and all that. Men love sex, and young men are horny all the time . . . But I think there are still good males out there who realize the wrongness of circumstances such as that described in the story. If Roxie lied about her marital status, then what other lies has she told? Maybe she's gotten a few STD's from her cuckold spouse, hates males, and wants to infect more of them? Setting aside fantasy in Literotica for a moment, there is no doubt that the safest course of action is to get away from a scene that does not feel right. I think Josh, in his own way, was trying to help with the limited knowledge he had. One can criticize the dramatic 911 business, but who knows what anyone really would do in a situation unless they are themselves confronted? Josh's DNA was already in the dwelling; if something bad happened, is it so unreasonable he would want to protect himself? Of course, there are always deeper levels to a story than the one at the surface. Josh seems a reasonable, fairly intelligent person who has a pretty good handle on what's going on around him. How could he so completely misjudge a person as he did with Roxie? Of course, a good actor/actress can deceive, but Josh spent a few hours with Roxie and one would think he might have picked up on her deceit, sensed that all was not as it seemed, before actually getting to her place. But he didn't. What does that say about Josh? And maybe it explains how Rick, the cuckold, was originally deceived and apparently "mentally broken" by the witch he married. We don't know if Rick really cheated at all. All we know is there is a domestic mess that may encompass children. Not wanting to have any part of this is the correct decision by Josh, and not knowing what to do, he erred on the safe side. Better to call the police and the police find the situation is not serious than to not call and then read about a tragedy the next day, or worse, be accused of being a party to it.
Well done
Well done and different she was going to show her husband how she felt by bringing josh home and have sex with him while the husband waits downstairsi read a story like that once the husband after 3 months walked out on her and divorced her.
Pat
Well, someone is a little high and mighty
He called CPS because she was cheating on her husband? Sorry, CPS would laugh in his face and he would be set up for a HUGE lawsuit. Where does this clown get off acting like he is a morally and emotionally higher being? The only people used in this story was the reader.
High and mighty
Well it would seem not everyone is as morally corrupt as you are, well at least one isn`t.
What A Jackass
What a Jackass! Mister Morale two face ass, you are in here reading stories about wifes, you know whats going on and you are going to try and correct the world, I bet you never inhaled either! Stay out of the bars you phoney bastard, Its no wonder why your girl friend dumped you and moved to the other side of the country.
unique
I like the fact that your ending had a morality to it that parallels my own chivilrous beliefs. I agree with some of the other offered opinions in that the characters needed to be developed more as this would have enhanced the "surprise " ending.
Overall, good read.
Not trustworthy!?
I liked the writing until you arrive at the very moralistic part. In fact I like the surprising turn, but as it goes on, it turns out that the author looses any kind of realism. Of course you can't call the police because a married couple does not get along. There is no sign of mal treatment of any child. I'm afraid you were the one to get a fine. Strange ending - it destroyed my good impression of your piece.
Very trustworthy!
At least in relation to the reaction of Josh. Most men would react this way if they were in a similar situation, AND most women would react in the same way if they went home with a married man and encountered this kind of situation. It`s not about morals, It`s about humanity...
ABUSED AND RODE HARD
but still retain dignity. TK U MLJ LV NV
Different
A recently single guy meets a divorced girl at a bar and figures to get lucky.
He meets the husband and realizes its only a revenge fuck.
He sees kids toys.
He does the right thing.
Rare individual.
Good story.
Really really good, until...
For me the 911 call and child endangerment thing at the end blew it. Otherwise it was really good, I look forward to reading more of your writing.
#2 THE GOOD GUY GOT NO NOOKIE
but he was the Big Winner, TK U MLJ LV NV
Has a real feel storyline
People can be idiots as this story indicates. The good guy was Knight in shining armour. I agree with another commentary about the ridiculous 911 call. The hero should've just left with a verbalized point about the children and being used for revenge and the lying by the wife. As much as the hero needed some bliss he maintained a sense of dignity and decorum. There are gentlemen in this world as this story demonstrates.
Good Reaction
I am tired to the sick reactions to sick behavior. Sanity is a breath of fresh air.
#2 CAN ONE PERSON RESTORE THE FAITH
in all bad romances,,,,Its a good start, TK U MLJ LV NV
Different, which is faint praise.
Husband and wife are nut jobs, that part seems realistic, but all in all, boring. Nothing is proven, nothing happens, no drama, and no plot.
As to the pickup man, the one who takes the moral high ground, people looking for one night stands are treading the moral low ground.
ROXIE WAS CORRECT
he was one of a kind. TK U MLJ LV NV
How a true man would react...
How a true man would react...The one losing was his ex-girlfriend that put her career before her happiness...4*
Good guy?
You really pissed me off. You should have stopped after apologizing to Rick. You just found out what a lying, vengeful, evil bitch Roxie is. This you know from your own experience. What you think you know about Rick is just hearsay from a known liar. It may take two to tango, but it only takes one to destroy a partnership. Rick deserves the benefit of doubt until you know different. Why you would involve the bag men for the courts further illustrates your ignorance. No good will come of it. The judicial industry is only in it for themselves.
Smart Man****
Thanks for sharing.
Gave it 4
Interesting short.
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