homeNon-Erotic PoetryIt's Getting ColderPublic Comments

All Comments  for

It's Getting Colder

byCuriouswife©
All
Comments (3)
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by WickedEve10/12/07

~

First, I want to say that I've always enjoyed your poetry and this is no exception. It's lovely! One suggestion, if I may, for the first two lines: "What I thought was snow/turned out to be the fluffy white/from cottonwood or dandelions." Reads a little better this way, at least to me. And it does eliminate one of the poem's "it" words, which there are quite a few.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by twelveoone10/13/07

*

ditto on what Eve said, I think you make the last two lines work. They are iffy lines, success predicated on what comes before. You did it.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by LeBroz10/17/07

~~

The comment from Eve got me to thinking that perhaps combining L5 & 6 would also help in the flow, to read, instead,
I just know the concrete's still dry

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!  or
Back to It's Getting Colder  or
More submissions by Curiouswife.

Add a
Comment

Post a public comment on this submission (click here to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead).

Post comment as (click to select):

You may also listen to a recording of the characters.

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel