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English
An interesting concept - but needs editing
You have a lot of misspellings that really detract from your story. You used the word "witch" (female magician, sorceress) throughout your story, when you meant "which" as in "which one of these apples is poisoned?"
I look upon him with dashy eyes, not knowing what he is talking about,
Not to be rude, but I don't know what you're talking about either. What are dashy eyes?
"why do you feel so surprised, didn't you wanted this, is this not the fruit of your desires , a place of harmony, a place of rest, a place of love?" he look upon me with that shiny eyes of his, and no word is coming from him, is just as his thoughts are reaching mine, and again I feel so loved, and a peace of mine is coming upon me...
Better grammar would be: He looked upon me with those bright eyes of his. No words were spoken, yet I felt his thoughts reaching into my mind. I felt so loved, as peace of mind enveloped me.
Work on improving your spelling, access on-line dictionaries and a thesaurus and expand your vocabulary of descriptive words, and your writing will benefit.
Spelling Grammar
Your spelling and grammar are so bad I couldn't even finish your story. I don't even know if your idea was worth a story as your lack of writing skills put me off.
In my mine, I look up at the sealing...
PLEEASE, write in a language that you actually know - or get a translator/editor. I couldn't really follow this story at all, due to the language.
Please, please
Please, please find an editor or have someone else read your story before publishing it. I presume English is not your mother tongue or else you are relying too much on WORD to rectify any mistakes. Try again please
brvao
beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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