I have to agree with the previous comment regarding the dialog. The whole thing just rushed together . . . here I was, playing with myself thinking about my sister, then she shows up and wants to play with me. How . . . dull. And the dialog . . . my god, the dialog. It just made me want to cringe. It sounded like something out of a porno script, when they used to actually try to have scripts. THIS is why they mostly gave up that practice.
To all the people who chose to comment on this story - I can only say that this was the first story I have written and submitted - I kept it short mainly as a test run. I only hope that I can improve as I submit more stories - and I have a few that I am editing at the moment and some are awaiting approval on the site. I appreciate your comments and if you dont think my stories are what you are looking for - I would recommend you try and write one yourself and let me know - you will find it is not an easy task. Thank You Jena121
This story is absolutly rubbish! the story is too short and rush and it so cheesy and predictable. thinking of sister and she happens to show up and want to have sex.
Wow, just way too quick into it, the best erotic stories include foreplay. He happens to get a boner and she just sucks it. If you and your sister got it on that easily, great, but with me, it was much more complicated. Apart from that, it was really good.
I read your comment after I left mine, and I agree, doing this is difficult, but I do hope you keep at it. Don't be disheartened by the bitchy comments, some people just don't know how to be constructive. I'm having my request to be an editor looked at, so next time, look me up.
by
Anonymous04/30/08
Not to Worry
I'm glad to see that the negative comments has'nt stopped you from continuing to write and improve. You are doing just great.
Just had an occasion to re-read this story which is said to be the first of this author's contributions to Literotica.he as good then and she is even better now. A rare combination of the romantic and the erotic is evident in all of her many stories.
I appreciate your literary effort(s). I've read a lot of your stories, and am very glad you continued to write. I'm a bit older than you, but still remember some of the days when I.... Whoops! Can't talk about that.
by
Anonymous12/22/12
What a joke!
I think the author was jacking off when writting this. You only have to read the first paragraph to realize he is really a short, pale,pudgy boy!
English
Good content..............
................but too short. You need to beef up the content without taking away from the story.
Rubbish!
Some of the worst, most plastic dialogue ever - it reads as though it's been translated from Chinese!
*yawn*
I have to agree with the previous comment regarding the dialog. The whole thing just rushed together . . . here I was, playing with myself thinking about my sister, then she shows up and wants to play with me. How . . . dull. And the dialog . . . my god, the dialog. It just made me want to cringe. It sounded like something out of a porno script, when they used to actually try to have scripts. THIS is why they mostly gave up that practice.
Group Therapy
To all the people who chose to comment on this story - I can only say that this was the first story I have written and submitted - I kept it short mainly as a test run. I only hope that I can improve as I submit more stories - and I have a few that I am editing at the moment and some are awaiting approval on the site. I appreciate your comments and if you dont think my stories are what you are looking for - I would recommend you try and write one yourself and let me know - you will find it is not an easy task. Thank You Jena121
Excellent! Nice quick fantasy! Great job!
I really enjoyed this! Keep up the great work!
Awful!
This story is absolutly rubbish! the story is too short and rush and it so cheesy and predictable. thinking of sister and she happens to show up and want to have sex.
Premature ejaculation
Wow, just way too quick into it, the best erotic stories include foreplay. He happens to get a boner and she just sucks it. If you and your sister got it on that easily, great, but with me, it was much more complicated. Apart from that, it was really good.
To Jena
I read your comment after I left mine, and I agree, doing this is difficult, but I do hope you keep at it. Don't be disheartened by the bitchy comments, some people just don't know how to be constructive. I'm having my request to be an editor looked at, so next time, look me up.
Not to Worry
I'm glad to see that the negative comments has'nt stopped you from continuing to write and improve. You are doing just great.
Fun Story
Great story. I'm here for the fun and sexual excitement I get from ready your stories. I do enjoy them. Thank You...
A second look
Just had an occasion to re-read this story which is said to be the first of this author's contributions to Literotica.he as good then and she is even better now. A rare combination of the romantic and the erotic is evident in all of her many stories.
I loved this story.
It made me think of when I used to dream of me and my sis and the things could have done but never did.
Good First Effort
I appreciate your literary effort(s). I've read a lot of your stories, and am very glad you continued to write. I'm a bit older than you, but still remember some of the days when I.... Whoops! Can't talk about that.
What a joke!
I think the author was jacking off when writting this. You only have to read the first paragraph to realize he is really a short, pale,pudgy boy!
first time
Very good thought process keep up the work.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to Group Therapy or
More submissions by Jena121.